Dying to Self

Today's post is from Shauntae Brown White

This morning I am super excited! After I drop my girls off to school, I will go and get my first iced vanilla latte since January 5, 22 days ago. Each year, my church begins the year in a corporate fast—usually for 21 days. Most of us do the Daniel Fast (Daniel 1) with fruits, vegetables, nuts, unprocessed whole grains, and beans. Right before the fast, I usually begin to think about the food I will miss, but I mourn the loss of my guilty little pleasure—my latte.

Of course I have my moments of thinking of cheating. Once day snow day we were all at home, my husband got a pizza for our girls. My youngest daughter started a second slice, but didn’t finish it. As I was preparing a vegetable chili, I thought, “I can just finish that and no one will know.” Better yet, I had an Eve moment, “Well, I can split this with Harry and we can cheat together.” Literally, as I thought those thoughts, out of nowhere my old daughter came and finished the pizza. I had numerous thoughts like this for the past 21 days. But, my biggest challenge was traveling. I attended a workshop in Birmingham last weekend. I don’t know about you, I associate eating and snacking with traveling. Walking through the Charlotte airport, which has a decent food court, I passed no less than four Starbucks only to make it to my hotel, which had a Starbucks in the lobby. I was a bit concerned of the food options at the conference, but thankfully, I was able to get a salad and some pinto beans.

The Bible gives us numerous reasons to fast and pray—to be closer to God, for deliverance, for revelation, to be more like Jesus. But, for me, this year it was about dying to self and submitting to God. Something stuck with me that one of my best friends Donna told me last year as I shared with her my desired to give into a craving, “Shauntae, you can eat whatever you want 344 days a year. Twenty-one days is not too much to give to God.” Wow! When she put it like that, whatever craving I was having seemed trite. This year, the fast symbolically represented dying to self in so many other areas of my life: being responsive when God calls me to do something; taming my tongue; being still; or not trying to control situations and people for which only God can control anyway. I have witnessed some powerful things come from fasting and praying including clarity, physical healing, restoration in my own marriage and others’ as well. But, this year, I made a major connection of not giving into the flesh, the desire and pleasure of Shauntae when it does not glorify God. I hope to take that lesson with me throughout the year. But, for this morning, I am going into my favorite local coffee shop (and, I am sure they had wondered where I have been), and enjoy my iced vanilla latte.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University and has been a pastor's wife for 12 years.