The immature marriage

by Niki Turner

You're only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. The same is true for our marriages. Our marriages can be mature, or immature, based more on our choices than on time.

Two characteristics of marital maturity are generosity and forgiveness. In the mature marriage, the wife might say, "I'm going to overlook my husband's top 10 problems. Whenever he offends me I’ll say, 'It’s lucky that’s in the top ten!'" The husband might sacrifice a golfing excursion to give his wife time to relax and regroup without children around.

Generally, we start dating in a giving mode: ignoring faults, excusing irritations, and affording grace to our loved one. After the vows are spoken, however, it's not at all uncommon to move into receiving mode, adopting an unhealthy "What have you done for me lately?" immature attitude.

The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 14:11 to "put away childish things,"
but how do children act?

1. Undependable, unsteady.
2. Talk too much about nothing. It takes us three years to learn to talk and decades to learn how to shut up.
3. Curious. Children always have to be involved in everybody else’s stuff.
4. Using words carelessly ... i.e coarse jesting, provoking, contentiousness, grumbling and complaining.
5. Mine, mine, mine and me, me, me ... totally self-absorbed, not considering the other party's feelings, situation or circumstances.
6. Petty. The 30-year war in Europe started when one little boy threw a rock at a monarch. Solomon said it's the little foxes that spoil the vine ... or in modern vernacular, "the devil is in the details." How many of our marital complaints (and those of our congregants) are petty, minor gripes that could be overlooked?

If you recognize areas of immaturity in your marriage, determine to "grow up." As someone has said, the greatest gift we can give our children is to demonstrate a loving relationship between husband and wife. How much more true is that of our congregations and those to whom we are called to minister?


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Niki Turner writes romantic fiction, Christian non-fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. Her first completed manuscript won second place in the 2009 Touched By Love contest for contemporary category romance. Colorado natives, Niki and her husband of 20+ years have four children (three at home) and are soon-to-be grandparents. In 1998 they planted a church in rural northwestern Colorado. Currently, they share their home with three teenage boys, two black Lab mutts, and Niki’s absurdly spoiled Westie, Archie. Niki can be found at In Truer Ink, her personal blog and website and co-blogging at Inkwell Inspirations.