Magnify the Positive

by Niki Turner

Remember when you and your husband were dating? Caught up in that first blush of infatuation? Every new discovery of something you had in common was cause for awe, and differences were casually brushed aside.

But as time passes, those differences become more apparent, until they can't be ignored. What you once barely noticed about your true love at the beginning seems to have become a major part of his personality, a perpetual irritant you have trouble seeing around when you look at him.

"What happened?" You ask yourself, your female friends, even your mother. "He must have changed," you decide. Unchecked, this sort of thinking festers, until you find yourself saying, "What did I ever see in him?"

It's not a question of what we once saw or didn't see, it's a question of what we choose to magnify.

Fire can be kindled with a magnifying glass and sunlight. Whether that fire is constructive (providing light and heat for warmth, cooking, safety) or destructive (like a forest fire) depends on where we focus the power of the magnifying lens.

Our life "lens" is made up of the words of our mouth and the thoughts we entertain. The more we "bad mouth" our spouses, and grumble under our breaths about his inability to locate the hamper, even in jest, the greater our irritation becomes.

Here's a challenge: Take a piece of paper and quickly write down five things you're grateful for about your spouse. Now, take those five things, and purpose to focus your attention, your words, your thoughts, only on those things for 24 hours. If one of those irritations flares up, immediately douse it with gratitude. Don't magnify negatives, magnify positives, and see how your feelings and perceptions change.

Niki Turner writes romantic fiction, Christian non-fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, lengthy grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. Her first completed manuscript won second place in the 2009 Touched By Love contest for contemporary category romance. Colorado natives, Niki and her husband of 20+ years have four children  (three at home) and are new grandparents to a baby boy. In 1998 they planted a church in rural northwestern Colorado. Currently, they share their home with three teenage boys, two black Lab mutts, and Niki’s absurdly spoiled Westie, Archie. Niki can be found at In Truer Ink, her personal blog and website, and at Inkwell Inspirations.