They Don't Understand Me, Lord!

When Greta rebuked me right before prayer meeting for not attending a function she chaired, I could feel the blood rush to face, my temples throbbing. I made a lame attempt to explain that in addition to my full time job, I was writing two books. When her only response was to stare at me in silence, I stuffed my hurt and indignation. At least, during the one hour prayer meeting. But the next morning found me complaining to my Father.

            “A few people don’t understand my call to write, Lord. They think I was born to do nothing but nurture them. They want me to applaud when they do any little thing: Oh, Starla, you are spectacular. The arrangement of irises on the organ this morning rivals any I’ve seen in a downtown shop! And to think they came from your own garden! But when I get an article published, they say nothing but a perfunctory, “Oh that’s nice.” Just because I write from home does not mean it’s only a hobby. Even though Kevin draws the paycheck, they think I should put in as many hours in church work as he does. They just don’t understand!”

            Gracious as always, the Lord listened to me rant until I played out. Then He spoke to my heart in His gentle but firm Daddy’s voice:

            “Jeanette, they don’t have to understand.”

            Shocked, I sputtered, “They don’t?”

            “Nope. If you depend on their applause and consideration, you have missed My plan for your writing. Who called you to write, anyway?”

            “You did, of course. I couldn’t do any of this without You.”

            “Then why are you looking to these people to affirm your gift? I sent you to minister to them, not they to you. As long as you expect them to keep you motivated, you’ll be disappointed and angry. Since I gave you this gift, wouldn’t it make sense for you to ask Me to bless you with appropriate cheerleaders to help you, rather than trying to pick your own, then getting mad when they fail you?”

            “Well, yes, when You put it that way.”

            Too often in my years of ministry, I’ve expected the sheep to do for me what only the Good Shepherd was capable of: filling up my emotional gas tank. I end up disappointed 99% of the time. But I keep trying, forgetting the pain of the last failed attempt to receive affirmation from those I’m called to serve.

            This doesn’t mean the Lord will never use a church member to confirm my talents. Many times, He’s sent the most unlikely sheep along to encourage me when I was ready to give up and move to Australia and start a kangaroo ranch. However, I always end up disappointed, even angry when I expect certain people to understand, empathize, and cheer me on.

            The Lord went on to tell me, “Jeanette, the few people who gripe about you are not accountable for your calling. My own family and friends, even My closest followers, did not understand Me or my mission. And it hurt Me to the core, like you are hurt by Greta’s harsh words. But as long as you look at Me and follow Me, you will fulfill My plan, and one day hear, Well done, good and faithful servant.”

       “Okay, I see what you mean, Lord. I need to get free of others’ expectations of me if I’m going to do what you want. And I need to not place such high expectations on the sheep you’ve called us to pastor. From now on, I’ll ask You to fill up my emotional gas tank in Your own ways. Thank you for this little talk.  Now, can you please go have a little chat with Greta?”