On a WHIM: Your Expectations Are Showing!

By Kathy Carlton Willis

This past summer I spent a great amount of time considering expectations: the way others let me down, and the way I end up letting others down. We all seem to deal with too many unmet and unrealistic expectations. Most of my stress involves expectations of some sort or another.

When it comes to expectations, I truly am learning to give the benefit of the doubt—but I’m also praying a little differently today based on some discernment that came over the summer.

I’m learning:

• To communicate more clearly and not expect people to read my mind, or attempt to read their minds.
• To realize everyone has “life stuff” that keeps them from fulfilling their commitments, and I need to be as flexible with others as I hope they will be with me. That Golden Rule again!
• When others reply or react in a way I find unacceptable, I have several options in handling the situation. First, I need to take it out of the realm of “feelings” and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions. Wait to react and respond after I have a plan to do it the right way. I must be intentional in disengaging my feelings from the response so that I’m not allowing my buttons to be pushed.
• Sometimes when others respond in ways that irritate me, it’s because I had in my mind a more acceptable response and they missed the mark. Here’s my expectations showing: I expect others to respond to situations the way I would respond to them. Since my first goal in any misunderstanding is to make sure I reassure the other party and alleviate their concerns, I expect others to be that way with me. Only after I reassure someone, would I tackle the issues in order to resolve problems. When others don’t treat conflicts with me in that same manner, they let me down. I need to realize, not everyone is wired to affirm others—they may be more straightforward to acknowledge and address issues.
• My timetable is not the same as others. My priorities aren’t the same as others. I need to give more of a grace period (I like the word “grace” in that), and be okay with the differences, even thanking God that we are all different.

It’s not healthy to wait until the middle of a disappointment to come up with a game plan for dealing with the situation. With advance planning, we can have a strategy in place to handle issues. I know when people are “in the moment,” feelings can make matters worse—distort perceptions. Come back on November 4^th and learn how to deal with your expectations when others let you down—where does tough love fit into the picture?

When you think about it, what have you learned from your own expectations, and in the expectations others have toward you? 

 Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works. www.kathycarltonwillis.com