Walking in My Pastor's Shoes

Today's post is from Deanna Morauski

Every time that I write, I make 100% sure that I am not writing about current feelings and observations when it comes to ministry before I type a single word. Tonight I am breaking my own rule because I feel that being honest and real about where I am today is the best thing to share. Usually I pull from my past so that others can learn from my stories and experiences. Today I am pulling my past together with my present… from both sides of ministry.

I have been in ministry of various kinds of roles from youth group vice president, class president, writer, teacher and counselor, deacon, speaker, pastor and pastor’s wife. I have been a follower, a leader, a follower that didn't realize that she was leading and a leader who looked back to find that no one was following. In the last five years I have dedicated my skills to supporting my husband often behind the scenes in a church plant, the most difficult role of all.

Although I have had only three pastors of my own in my life: one as a child, one when I moved out on my own and my husband, I have found plenty of time to judge many. I have come to a new place of repentance today. I have had to repent for every pastor that I have ever judged…

I have sat under the leadership of a pastor that was boring, one that talked about his little kids too often, and the one who played favorites. The pastor down the road with a sweet little family of his own who had an affair with a teenager and got her pregnant, the one who had an affair with a church member, and the one who was so evangelistic that he couldn’t remember my name even though I was a part of his church for 10 years. Oh, and did I mention that his favorite hymn didn’t make sense to me and his wife sang alto which isn’t pretty to you when you are only 12 years old?

Then I remembered today the one who I admired that had an emotional affair with someone in his church and the one who joked poorly about his wife. Better yet, there was the pastor who seemed to be prideful when he won awards for his church giving so much money to missions and then I even judged another one because he was being so judgmental about the pastor who seemed prideful over his missions giving!

How about that pastor who told me I would work well with children when the only kids I had ever babysat were my two cousins because I didn’t enjoy being around kids? How out of touch was he? And that pastor who didn't do anything about his congregation smoking in the parking lot right after church, how could he ignore such a thing? I mean, after all, it was a Sunday!

Then there was the guy who was verbally mean to his wife in front of others and was out of control angry when he went to his kid’s sports games. Some friends of mine judged his wife too. They left the church because they didn’t like it that she sang the song “I am the God That Healeth Thee,” (a song written in 1986) because it seemed to them that she was singing about how SHE was claiming to be God. Then there were all the youth pastors in training that took wearing ties to church to the utmost level of importance along with the one who annoyingly declared, “God is good..." waiting for someone to finish his sentence with the words, "all the time” as he trotted through the hallways.

I remember the pastor who spiraled into depression because someone told him he was selfish… how weak of him. No, wait, how HUMAN of him. The very men and women who are teaching us about God’s grace and have showed us grace need the very same grace that we do.

Lord, please forgive me for judging my pastors as well as my friends and family member’s pastors. Please forgive me for every phrase of theirs that I twisted and then repeated. Please forgive my attitude of pride. Please have grace on my husband and me now we are in their shoes.

I remember learning about giving grace from these men and women, learning about reaching out to others, how to worship you, how to talk with you in the private moments I have alone with you… and most of all thank you for giving me the guidance from those much wiser than I to apply your word not only to my head but allowing your truth to touch my heart and change me each step of the way.

Thank you for using the pastor's wife who sang alto to teach me how to serve others gracefully and how to make my home warm and comfortable for others. Thank you for teaching me endurance from the pastor’s wife who endured criticism when her husband strayed from her. Thank you for teaching me the needs of missionaries that I cannot see and would easily forget about if it weren’t for my award winning pastor and evangelistic pastor who could not remember my name.

Thank you for developing my love for children through the anger I had to face when my pastor was out of touch with my discomfort around children. Thank you so much for reminding me that you are the God that healeth me through my pastor’s wife who obviously was just relaying your words to me through song.

Thank you for the nod of fatherly approval from my very first pastor before he passed away last year, even though he still didn’t get my name right. I know that he loved me and he had a bigger picture of life than I had because he saw the world through your calling.

Please forgive me for judging these lovers of people and servants of yours. Had they been perfect, I would have judged them for that too.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pastor Deanna Morauski, CMHC - Deanna’s love for baking and cooking began as she sat upon a baker’s stool as a little girl. Her love for people grew in the midst of church potlucks. Deanna has been a pastor’s wife since 1997. She expresses her loves today creatively through photography and writing for her foodie blog, tastehope.com, as well as hosting guests at her inn, The Old Hen Bed & Breakfast in Snoqualmie Valley, Washington.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:4-7

The Fullness of Love

Today is my day to share a devotion, and I have a confession to make: I've been so busy this week that I clean forgot about it until right now... at 12:22 AM. So rather than rush together something I hope will sound profound (but probably wouldn't be) I'm going to go to the best devotion resource there is.

I Corinthians 13

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I leave you today with this thought... does the love you show to others look like the love Paul spoke about? Personally, I fall far short of the mark. But when I let Jesus shine through me, I get a lot closer. I pray that you love, and are loved by others, in the most complete and God-inspired way!

Praying for Each Other and Possible Publishing Opportunity

Walk in obedience to all that the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.
Deuteronomy 5:33 (NIV)


PRAYING FOR EACH OTHER

As always, it is our great privilege to be able to uplift each other in prayer. If you have any prayer requests, feel free to share them in the comments section.


CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Pastor's wife and speaker Robin Bryce is looking for submissions for a new book she's writing, and asked me to extend this invitation to all of you:

Being a pastor’s wife ought to be the easiest job around, with lots of love and friends built right in. But those married in ministry are often dumbfounded by the opposite reality. Confessions of a Recovering Preacher’s Wife is a book of humorous stories about the life of a minister’s wife written to encourage laity and minister’s families.

We are now accepting humorous stories related to minister’s wives and the lives they lead. The true-life experiences will be used to illustrate the truths related to the special position and activities of minister’s wives. The writer will get credit for his or her story. We are looking for stories with redeeming qualities and a variety of experiences including stories from children, missionaries, spouses and close friends as well as those from minister’s wives. The wife of a pastor often feels isolated and this book promises encouragement and laughter.

For more details, visit Robin's website.

May you be blessed today!

Mommy God

Today's post is from Jessica Miller Kelley

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you!" --Isaiah 49:15

I reflected on this verse recently and was reminded yet again of all the ways motherhood has helped me understand God's parental love. As Isaiah says, God's love and faithfulness is even beyond what an earthy parent feels for his or her child. When Kate was just a few months old, I wrote about the things I'd learned about God from motherhood already, and now that she's in an entirely different stage of development (turning two today!) I'm learning about this divine love in new ways.

The most profound of these is something that I absolutely love about this stage of her development: When she's upset--even when she's upset with me--she runs to me for comfort. She's yanking on the refrigerator door handle, begging for me to open it so she can pull the carton of strawberries down or eat grapes straight out of the bag before I can even wash them. I say "no, you've had enough of a snack already." Her face crumples and she lets out a pathetic wail. I crouch down, and she runs to me and throws her arms around my neck, burying her despair in my shoulder. She's mad at me--but she still knows where the comfort is.

I love the thought that even when we are upset, angry at life--at God--we can take it straight to him. Being mad at God doesn't mean we have to run away. We can be angry and seek comfort at the same time.

A spiritual director once urged me to reflect on the notion of God "delighting" in me. I struggle with pride even as I strive for humility, and often settle for self-flagellation. It was a difficult exercise for me to think of God delighting in my face. I mugged at the sky, teasing the God who supposedly loves to gaze at my face. I thought, however, of the way I glance during the workday at one of the many framed pictures of Kate on my desk. I'll stop, pick up the frame, and just stare at her, delighting in her sweet face. Could God see me the same way?

I love this divine sort of SAT equation. Kate : Me :: Me : God.
(If you're rusty on your standardized test jargon, that's "Kate is to me as I am to God.")

On a test question, one of those items would be blank. "A is to B as B is to ____." It's strange to say, but it seems that God is the blank here. God is beyond our comprehension, and while we read and hear about the magnitude of God's love for us, it is hard to grasp. But I know how much I love Kate, and I cherish the glimpse that relationship gives of how much God loves me. It's not a perfect equation, because even I will fail. Even the mother who bears a child can "forget" or abandon her offspring. But it offers some small glimpse, some way of comprehending what an infinite, ever-loving God might feel for me. And you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jessica Miller Kelley is a working mom and pastor’s wife in Tennessee. Her husband, Matt, is a United Methodist pastor, and their daughter Kate is the rambunctious toddler who lights up their lives. She blogs about motherhood, books, and church issues at The Parsonage Family (http://www.mattandjesskelley.blogspot.com/).

Dying to Self

Today's post is from Shauntae Brown White

This morning I am super excited! After I drop my girls off to school, I will go and get my first iced vanilla latte since January 5, 22 days ago. Each year, my church begins the year in a corporate fast—usually for 21 days. Most of us do the Daniel Fast (Daniel 1) with fruits, vegetables, nuts, unprocessed whole grains, and beans. Right before the fast, I usually begin to think about the food I will miss, but I mourn the loss of my guilty little pleasure—my latte.

Of course I have my moments of thinking of cheating. Once day snow day we were all at home, my husband got a pizza for our girls. My youngest daughter started a second slice, but didn’t finish it. As I was preparing a vegetable chili, I thought, “I can just finish that and no one will know.” Better yet, I had an Eve moment, “Well, I can split this with Harry and we can cheat together.” Literally, as I thought those thoughts, out of nowhere my old daughter came and finished the pizza. I had numerous thoughts like this for the past 21 days. But, my biggest challenge was traveling. I attended a workshop in Birmingham last weekend. I don’t know about you, I associate eating and snacking with traveling. Walking through the Charlotte airport, which has a decent food court, I passed no less than four Starbucks only to make it to my hotel, which had a Starbucks in the lobby. I was a bit concerned of the food options at the conference, but thankfully, I was able to get a salad and some pinto beans.

The Bible gives us numerous reasons to fast and pray—to be closer to God, for deliverance, for revelation, to be more like Jesus. But, for me, this year it was about dying to self and submitting to God. Something stuck with me that one of my best friends Donna told me last year as I shared with her my desired to give into a craving, “Shauntae, you can eat whatever you want 344 days a year. Twenty-one days is not too much to give to God.” Wow! When she put it like that, whatever craving I was having seemed trite. This year, the fast symbolically represented dying to self in so many other areas of my life: being responsive when God calls me to do something; taming my tongue; being still; or not trying to control situations and people for which only God can control anyway. I have witnessed some powerful things come from fasting and praying including clarity, physical healing, restoration in my own marriage and others’ as well. But, this year, I made a major connection of not giving into the flesh, the desire and pleasure of Shauntae when it does not glorify God. I hope to take that lesson with me throughout the year. But, for this morning, I am going into my favorite local coffee shop (and, I am sure they had wondered where I have been), and enjoy my iced vanilla latte.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University and has been a pastor's wife for 12 years.

Our Lazarus Moments

Today's post is from Charmed

Not too long ago, my husband brought a message on Lazarus. A little background info, (you can read John chapter 11 if you want) Lazarus was a friend of Jesus who was really sick. Lazarus' family sent for Christ, and Christ delayed leaving to see Lazarus for a couple of days. By the time Christ arrived, Lazarus was dead, and had been for 4 days. Lazarus sister's were pretty upset with Jesus because he didn't come earlier, and save their brother from dying. They visited the tomb where first, Jesus thanked his father, God, and then spoke into the tomb and said "LAZARUS, COME FORTH!" The man had been dead for 4 days, he stunk, he had maggots crawling out of him he had been dead so long, he was wrapped in linens, had the death scarf on his face, and was wrapped in mummy-like clothing, and here he came, walking out of the tomb, just as alive as I am.

So, why did Christ let his friend die? Why did he put his friend's family through losing their brother just to raise him from the dead 4 days later? What did Lazarus do to deserve this? Was he sinful? Was he being punished? Were his sisters being punished? Was this some test of their faith?

No.

In the same scriptures the story is told to tell us the answer.

Christ waited to raise Lazarus from the dead instead of healing him while alive as a benefit for those around Lazarus. So they could see God's power and glory in the feat. He knew it would reach more, and have a greater impact, for Christ to raise a man from the dead than to heal a man.

Think about it, if you saw a man heal another man, would you believe it? Would you think the medicines the man was taking from the doctor worked and the man was just taking credit for the healing? Probably.

But if you see a man speak to a dead body, and that body sits up and walks out of the grave.... well, that would just shock the daylights out of you. So you tell me, which would have the greater impact?

Lazarus wasn't being punished, he was being used by God to show others about Him.

Today when Christians see other Christians hurting, injured, sick, tragedy happening in their lives, we as humans tend to think, "I wonder what he did to deserve that?" I myself have asked the same questions when something devastating has happened in my life. "What have I done?"

Maybe instead of asking what have I done, I should be asking what is God doing.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
"Charmed" is a PK, PW, and mom to 5 PK boys, living in North Carolina, where her husband of 21 years pastors a small rural church. She always said she wouldn't marry a preacher, and she didn't, God saw fit to call her husband to ministry after they were already married! Visit her blog at http://pantylesspreacherswife.wordpress.com/.

The Best Possible Road Map

Today's post is from Maegan Roper

Ministry is never predictable. Almost always, you must be ready for the Lord to turn your life upside down at any moment whether it is to follow a new opportunity, or a redirection in calling altogether. Not just within the church, but in any circumstance where one has committed their life to serving Christ. This time last year, my husband and I thought we’d be in south Alabama, working with a couple that we love dearly in helping plant a new church. But, instead God had a different plan in mind and we’re still here in Nashville, but serving in a new church plant nonetheless :) As much as we’d like to think we have everything mapped out accordingly, our ideas are merely vague in light of the way He has already paved. While there are days I feel like I’d be more prepared if I could only see the map- in all its twists and turns- to somehow visualize what’s on the road ahead, there’s a better way to be prepared for whatever journey we’ll encounter throughout our ministries… devoting our time to Him.

His living Presence is a companion for each step of the way. His abiding presence is the BEST road map available.

Recently, our 12-month-old daughter has started taking small steps on her own. She doesn't walk very far, but she plunges ahead in what she's confident she can accomplish knowing all the while we'll be there to catch her when she falls. My lack of obedience in trusting Him wholeheartedly is what most often prevents me from depending on His road map instead of my own.

Deut. 33:27~ The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms... He's always before us, beckoning us on, one step at a time."

So, like my daughter, I'm taking small steps, one day at a time toward pure devotion to my King and relinquishing control for the days stretched out before me!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Maegan Harris Roper is the wife of a youth pastor, mother, worship leader, and full time Marketing/Publicity Director. She and her husband Jeremy serve on staff at St. Paul Community Church in Nashville, TN where they do a little of everything, but focus on student & college/career ministry. Maegan is the proud mom of Emmalyn Brooke, who is a growing toddler! When she’s not serving alongside her husband and adjusting to mommy hood, she’s working for a talented team of Christian fiction novelists with Abingdon Press as their publicist. She loves that her job combines faith, outreach, and great books! She’s passionate about connecting to and encouraging other women both in and outside of the ministry and she often blogs on various missional, faith-based topics at her blog, A Different Remedy, http://www.maeganroper.blogspot.com/

Goodness and Mercy

Psalm 23 is one of the most quoted portions of scripture. Today I want to focus in on verse 6. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”

What if anything do you picture when you read that scripture?

For a long time I had this mental image of goodness and mercy like little sidekicks that just wandered around following people. But a while back I really started to think about this scripture and I realized that it was an active verse. David was describing what he would be doing, not what God would do for him.

See goodness and mercy aren’t tagalongs, instead, goodness and mercy are what we are supposed to leave behind.

It’s like the story of Hansel and Gretel. When their stepmother drew them out into the forest they left a trail behind them and that was how they found their way home. As we go out into the world each day we should leave behind us a trail. A little goodness here, a splash of mercy there.

Did you ever hear the phrase “Random acts of kindness?” it’s kind of like that. Only we don’t have to be random about it. We can set out to be kind just as easily as we can set out to be rude and hateful.

The trail that Hansel and Gretel left was designed to lead them home to safety. The trail that we leave behind us should lead people home too. A spiritual home of safety and rest with the Lord. I think that’s why David wrote the last part of the verse: “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

I’m far from perfect in this regard. I have to pray that God will help me be conscious of the effect I’m having on people and that he will help me to leave behind goodness and mercy in the lives of the people I touch.

Praying for Each Other - January 22, 2011

Do not fear, little flock,

for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Luke 12:32

(NKJV)

What a blessing that the Lord knows all our needs, even the ones we haven't spoken to Him, and He desires to give us so much! We specifically lift up those who have requested prayer...

Anonymous - Please pray and put on your blog to pray for my son Zachary. He is a freshman in college and last semester had a lot of trouble making friends. It took him most of the semester to do so. New semester started yesterday and first thing I heard was I don't know anyone in my classes.  Please ask God to help him find some friends quickly and help him to get involved. He was a popular football player in high school so we just don't understand why he can't seem to make friends now.

Anonymous - My pastor husband has to attend another meeting concerning the parsonage on January 25th. The committee is to decide to keep or sell the parsonage. It needs some work to the bathroom and front porch, probably about $8,000 in all. Please pray that they decide to keep "our house" so we have a place to live. If they sell they don't want to pay the housing allowance. It's paid for many years ago and all in all good shape. Please pray that it is a good meeting and everyone keeps a cool head during this meeting as their is one who may not.


Amen!

Taking Your Prayer Requests & Praises

We're taking prayer requests today. If you'd like prayer for something in your life or want to share how God has blessed you, you can do it in one of three ways:

• Leave a comment to this post
• Use the "Share Your Story" form (this is the best way if you'd like to remain anonymous)
• Email me directly at jallee725 [at] hotmail [dot] com

I'll post the list of prayer requests and praises on Saturday. This is just one more way we can join our hearts together. Blessings on your day!

Vacations

Today's post is from Sarah Varland

First, sorry this post is coming up so late. Would you believe I forgot today was Wednesday? I live in the deep south, and the snow days last week along with the holiday this week confused my internal calender, I think. Sorry about that.

So obviously I need a vacation. =) Which is, conveniently, what I was planning to write about today.

I think God had a great idea when He created the Sabbath and told us to rest. I really do. But you know as well as I do that it's just not possible for pastors to use Sunday as this day like most other Christians do. In fact, Sunday is probably the busiest day of the week for most pastors' families. But if any of y'all work, it's probably hard for you to find any other day that you and your whole family can rest together.

Thus, the need for vacation. We're taking one this summer, a loooooong one, and I'm so excited. Except for one thing. I know that even though we're using vacations days my husband has saved up, people are going to be upset that we'll be gone.

Why is this, do you think? I mean, logic tells you that without a break someone in a job like this will eventually burn out and just become exhausted. So you would think our congregation members would be pushing for a vacation, but I'm a little worried it's not going to be like that.

I don't have any profound wisdom on this topic, since this is really my first experience with it, so I guess I'm more curious to see if y'all do. How do you tell people you're going on vacation? Do you explain that you NEED one? Or do you just let the people who are going to be unhappy be unhappy?

I've love some thoughts on this. =)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sarah Varland is a book-loving, outdoorsy pastor's wife from Georgia. When she’s not doing glamorous pastor’s wife duties, like squashing bugs and refilling toilet paper rolls, she loves to write, read, kayak and spend time with her husband and son. You can read more of her thoughts on life, books, and the ministry fishbowl at espressoinalatteworld.blogspot.com

My Secret Offerings

Rats. I had forgotten to bring my secret offering. As the communion music ended, I opened my purse to find a single wheat back penny. I had saved wheat backs for years, hoping to cash them in someday for a large profit. I figured by the time I was eighty my collection would be worth say, fifty cents or a dollar. My investment savoir-faire amazed me.

It’s not that I begrudge you this wheat back, Lord, I thought. But, what about the deacon who sees me put it in the plate? I’d hate him to think I’m cheap. You wouldn’t want that to happen would you, Lord? Since I’m the preacher’s wife, I should maintain some dignity here, don’t You think?

No answer.

Several months earlier, the Lord had nudged me to bring an offering whenever I attended church. He didn’t specify an amount. He only asked that I bring something in addition to my tithe, every time.

The first few weeks, I obeyed with ease. I usually had an extra dollar or two in my wallet. If not, I could rummage around the house before church and find a bill or coin to bring.

My obedience soon grew horns of smugness. Not only was I giving extra each week, I was giving in secret. Wow. I impressed myself with my devotion to the Lord. Until this Sunday.

Lord, I’m the minister’s wife. Won’t me putting a penny in the plate set a poor example?

Still no answer. Finally I slipped the penny onto the crimson felt and bowed my head, pretending to appear nonchalant.
I’d love to tell you that since that day, numerous strangers have flagged me down on the street to put hundred dollar bills in my hand, or sent me cards bursting with checks.

Instead, I received a greater blessing. A corner of my heart was set free.


I’ve always longed to obey the Lord. Do whatever He told me, without question. I’d prayed many times, “Lord, give me an obedient heart. Help me follow you.” But I had a chain around my soul. I worried what people thought of me. Especially people in our church. Because we were their pastors, I secretly believed that their opinion of me was important.

I cared too much for their respect. And not enough for God’s approval. Now He was asking me to toss down my pride by giving him a penny. One cent. It was worth at most, five cents to a coin dealer. Much more to Him who saw my secret motives.

At last, I relented. I let go of the wheat back, and my worry. As the penny landed on the pile of bills, my fear landed at Jesus’ feet, replaced with surrender. A new joy burst into my heart: the joy of obedience.

If I ever become wealthy and the Lord asks me to give it all away, I trust I will obey without a blink. After all, it’s only money. Not worth a cent compared to the offering of an obedient heart.

Do you find joy in giving?
What do you most love to give: time, work, gifts, or encouragement?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jeanette Levellie is an author, speaker, wife, mother, and grandmother. She lives with her pastor husband and three recliners-full of cats in Paris, IL.  Find her on Facebook and her personal blog at Audience of ONE

The Right Hat at the Right Time: Marriage Monday

 

The great thing about the iPhone is hiding your face.

While thrift store scouring before Christmas I found a real French beret in navy blue wool. I wore it to work the very next day, with my Eiffel Tower earrings and an outfit that "felt" French to me. My co-workers gave me some odd looks, but I didn't care. For one day, the wearing of a silly little hat was enough to translate me out of my rural mountain town and into the cobbled streets of Paris. In my mind, anyway.

My authentic French beret

Hats are symbols of authority and identity. Whether it's the soldier's helmet, the bishop's miter, or the chef's hat, we identify certain roles with certain hats. Guys seem to have this "hat" thing down. Even if every hat in the collection is in the shape of a baseball cap, different caps are reserved for different occasions. There's a wear-to-church cap (if your hubby is bald like mine), a work cap, a fix-the-car cap, a watch-the-football-game cap, and so forth. And when the hat gets grubby and gross, they seem to like it even more. For years I've made fun of the hat thing... until the Lord reminded me (after the beret incident) that I have hats I wear all the time, too. Mine are just invisible, which means sometimes I forget to change them. 

In my imaginary hat collection I have a Homemaker Hat and a Mom Hat and a Writer Hat and a Pastor's Wife Hat. Sometimes I wear a really ugly Pity Party Hat, and on days when my hormones are raging I wear a German Prison Matron Hat. When I'm with my parents, I find my head squeezed into a too-small Daughter Hat. And I've got a shiny new Grandma Mimi Hat to debut in May when my grandson arrives. That's a lot of hats! But there's at least one more, one I have a bad habit of forgetting: the Lover Hat.

I met my husband 24 years ago yesterday. Three and a quarter years later we were married. Passion, intimacy, and mutual attraction were a huge part of our early relationship. Like most young couples, I wore my Lover Hat a lot. And then we had kids, and the Lover Hat fell behind the nightstand under a nursing pad and (to my husband's chagrin) was nearly forgotten.

Over time, the Mommy Hat and the Work Hat and the Homemaker Hat, along with the Pastor's Wife Hat, the Friend Hat, the Volunteer Hat, and the Homeschooler Hat, displaced the Lover Hat except for brief interludes. I learned that wearing the wrong hat at the wrong time was a major marital faux pas. There's nothing worse than finding yourself in an intimate situation with your husband, only to realize mentally you're still wearing your Mommy Hat or your Housewife Hat. Or worse... your Pastor's Wife Hat!

Now, with my children almost all grown, I find myself looking at that Lover Hat and wondering why I haven't worn it more often over the years. After all, this man will be in my house, Lord willing, long after my children are grown and have families of their own. Doesn't it make good sense to cultivate, strengthen, and nourish the relational roles I have with him as much as I've done with all my other roles? I think so.

How about you? Is there a hat you've forgotten about that needs to come out and see the light of day? Maybe it's not the Lover Hat, maybe it's some other part of your life that you've set aside for a season. What hat do you need to dust off and put back on?



About the Author:

Niki Turner has been a pastor's wife for twelve years at a small church in rural Northwestern Colorado. She and her husband have four children, are soon-to-be grandparents, and have been married for 20 years.

Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles for the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in addition to posting here and at Inkwell Inspirations.

DEVOTION: Is This The Right Time?

Today's devotion is from Jennifer AlLee

Lately, I've done a lot of thinking about God's timing. You're probably familiar with Ecclesiastes 3. It starts out like this:

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.

(NLT)

Then it goes into a list of things: a time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, a time to sow; a time to cry, a time to laugh... etc. It's a pretty well-known piece of scripture, even to those who don't consider themselves Christian. (Remember the 60's song by The Byrds?)

It's good to know there's a time and place for everything. It gives life balance. Day always comes after night. Joy always comes after grief. But what about the rest of the chapter? I'd never given it much thought. In fact, I don't know if I'd even read it before I sat down to write this devotion. Here's some more of it:

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.
Ecclesiastes 3:9-15 (NLT)

I had to ponder those words. At first, it sounds like the writer is saying that God's got everything planned out, so what's the use in working hard? Just eat, drink and be merry, because you can't change the outcome anyway.

But at second glance, I think it's talking more about relinquishing control. I think he's saying it's foolish to work so hard on things that aren't part of God's plan. Have you ever put so much time and effort into achieving a goal that you didn't enjoy what was right in front of you? I know I have. When you think about it, it's pretty silly to toil and sweat over something that God never intended you to be involved in.

Here's another example from yours truly: Last week, I was thinking about my writing career, and how I need to continually publicize my books. How am I going to create buzz for my current release, which has been out for almost a year now? How do I drum up excitement for something that's not brand-spankin' new? Out of the blue, two opportunities presented themselves within the next few days. These aren't things I solicited... God brought them to me. Now, that doesn't mean I won't do the work I need to do. But by opening these doors, God showed me that the time is right. Now I have direction.

As women who are surrounded by ministry opportunities, it's even more important for you to be tuned in to God's plan and timing in your life. People may pull at you from all directions, but only God knows which path you belong on. Trust your Father to get you from Point A to Point B to Point C. And enjoy the sights along the way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/

Prayers, an Update, and a book Winner!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

Photo from morguefile.com

Here's an update from our sister who we prayed for on Thursday:

I just wanted to thank you for all your prayers yesterday.
The meeting went very well. Those who had been causing all the trouble were silent and understanding of the housing system and pastor's salary was accomplished. He felt it was a good meeting.

Praise God


We continue to lift her up, as well as all the other women who work to further God's Kingdom. Whether or not you're married to a man in the ministry, God uses you every day to touch people. May he give you the grace, peace, and wisdom you need to accomplish anything he sets before you.

And last but not least, the winner of Patti Lacy's latest release, The Rhythm of Secrets, is Melanie! Thanks to all of you who left a comment, and again to Patti for hanging out with us.

Come on a WHIM—Are You Called?

Are Pastors' Wives Called?

(By Kathy Carlton Willis)

I attended Bible College along with my husband to learn all those good wifely things useful in church service such as hospitality, organization, flannelgraph (okay, I’m dating myself!) and piano. I also studied serious subjects with a double major in church education and Bible. Upon receiving my B.A. in three years, I assumed I was fully prepared for a life of ministry. Yeah, right!

When the pastor and deacons interviewed my husband for his first youth/music position, guess who else they interviewed? Me. And for our second position, guess who was asked to give a testimony from the pulpit and meet with the boardroom of men? Me.

It certainly seemed like I was entering a life of ministry as a “called” individual. But who called me? God? Others? And what am I called TO? Ministry? Or to serve my husband so HE can minister?

I personally sensed a calling on my life in my mid-teen years. God shaped that call before I even became aware of what defined “the call.” I found myself dating guys tied to ministry. My first official date (without a chaperone) was with a preacher’s kid. Another guy I dated was preparing to go to seminary to enter ministry. (He’s still in ministry today.) And when I started dating Russ (my husband), he introduced me to all things faith and ministry-related. I yielded my life to God as a sophomore, and one of the first things I surrendered was my life to be used as God sees fit for ministry. Of course, at that young age, many thought I was merely going through a phase and would grow out of it. Twenty-something years later and it’s pretty obvious this was a life call and not a whim.

Russ and I have always viewed ministry as a partnership. I wasn’t a co-pastor with him, but as his wife, I served alongside of him. It’s a joy to be a vessel dedicated for God’s use.

At two of the larger churches where we served on staff, several of the staff wives didn’t believe they were called to Christian service. Yet, they still had a call on their lives. They said that God called them (set them apart for a specific purpose) to keep their husbands encouraged and their families together. They were the glue of the home, which allowed their husbands to be strong in their service at church.

If you are a pastor’s wife or staff wife, how do you view your position? Has God called you to special service of some kind? Have you surrendered to Him in a specific avocation or aspiration?

Can single girls seeking God’s direction for their lives be called to be a pastor’s wife like guys will surrender to fulltime Christian service? Does that happen? Or do girls select their futures based on which guys they fall in love with and then see what their career choices are?

No matter your position, it's never too early or too late to be used by God for His work. Sometimes it looks like "the ministry," and sometimes it looks like being a dedicated wife, mother, neighbor. As long as we can mean it when we sing along with the song, "I can hear my Savior calling..." we're open to receive His signal and heed His direction.

Share with us your story in the comments section. If you are married to a pastor or staff minister, have you experienced a call on your life? Is it a call to Christian service or a call to keep the family intact as your husband ministers? Did you sense your calling prior to marriage, or did it come when your spouse prepared for ministry? Or, do you believe you have no different call on your life than any layperson in the church? I’d love to hear the variety of opinions and testimonies that coexist in this wonderful world of ministry. Share! (No debates or arguments, please).

Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter

Kathy Carlton Willis gets jazzed speaking cross-country for women’s events and writers’ conferences. She’s known for her practical and humorous messages full of hope and insight. Kathy enjoys fiddling with words as: writer, publicist and writer’s coach at Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. She serves on faculty with CLASSeminars, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and others. Kathy shines, whether she’s shining the light on God’s writers and speakers, or reflecting God’s light during her programs. She served in full-time local church ministry with her husband for over twenty-five years.

KATHY CARLTON WILLIS

PERSONAL BLOG: http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com

PROFESSIONAL BLOG: http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com/

WEB: http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Kathy speaks on a variety of subjects. Request a brochure like this one: http://bit.ly/b7KOXa

Urgent prayer request

We have an urgent prayer request today. I've removed her name in order to maintain confidentiality.

Please pray for my husband. He is a pastor of 2 small churches. There is meeting tonight to discuss the parsonage and its bills. The congregation has within the last 2 months or so, become nasty about the parsonage bills. The parsonage is owned by the churches and conference decrees that all utilities be paid by the church. All this is part of his salary package. We could not rent a home on the money he makes.

They want to sell the house and leave us looking for a home. They want to only pay on utilities what they feel we should be using not what is actually used. We sit with just one lamp on at night. the thermostat is set at 65 most of the time, sometimes when it is really cold we put it up to 68. My husband needs a/c in the summer time due to asthma. We have our own window air conditioners they don't care that he needs them and wants to ban us from using them.

It could be a very nasty meeting tonight. Please pray that God intervenes and he runs this meeting and he controls the thoughts and words of everyone there, my husband included.
The meeting is tonight Thursday, Jan. 13 at 7:30 pm est.
Please get everyone you know to pray. We need to stay here for 2 more years so my handicapped son can graduate the school he is at.

Let's lift up our sister and her family. May God's grace and love be on that meeting. We ask Him to banish financial fear and touch the hearts of the congregation.

If anyone else has a prayer request for Saturday, feel free to share it in the comments below. Wishing a blessed day to you all!

Author Patti Lacy: The Secrets We Keep

What a joy to introduce you all to my friend, Patti Lacy!

Hello! Thanks, Jen, for inviting me to The Pastor’s Wife Speaks!

Unlike many of your guests (I’m thinking of my good AND WITTY friend, Jeannette Levellie) I’m not married to a preacher!

So why am I here?

Sheila, the heroine in my just-released book, The Rhythm of Secrets, did marry a man of the cloth, Edward Franklin, back in the early 1950s.

Sheila considered Edward a big catch. Why? His daddy pastured a prominent Chicago church. Moody Bible Institute graduated him Summa Cum Laude. Edward’s devoted his life to Jesus…and recently (1969), he’s sprinted up the ladder of the gaining-power Religious Right movement.

Edward loves Sheila, who serves as accompanist for choir practice, who sits on the front pew for every service, who fixes his cereal and his clothes and his home and his life just the way he likes ’em.

Only Edward doesn’t know Sheila, who has masqueraded under two other names to shield life-long secrets.

What will Edward do when the wife he’s loved for over fifteen years becomes somebody else? When his WORLD becomes SOMETHING else?

Dear ones, God has laid on my heart to explore the secrets women keep and why they keep them. Often I span seas and secrets to do so. God has shown me, through His wonderful words in Romans 8:28, that He will work for good in ALL things in the lives of those who love Him, who call on His name.

I applied this truth to my own life and saw God open the windows of opportunity for me to share with others my struggle with mental health issues. With rebellion. With lying.

God showed me it’s not the secrets of the past that will hinder our testimony. A blockade to spiritual growth and effective God-work stems from our unwillingness to let God use those very secrets to reach others who just might struggle with similar problems.

Has God pricked your spirit with Romans 8:28?

Have I piqued your interest in The Rhythm of Secrets? I sure hope so, because I’m offering an autographed copy to one randomly chosen commenter!!!

Blessings to all of you! Patti

I’d love to keep up at my blog, www.pattilacy.com/blog, and Facebook, where I post daily Art Bites!


WIN THE BOOK - To be eligible to win a signed copy of The Rhythm of Secrets, you just need to do two things:

• leave a comment to this particular post
• include your email address

Your email address is very important. If you don't leave it, I won't be able to get a hold of you if you win. (To prevent spammers from trolling for your email, please use this format with the brackets--you [at] yourmail [dot] com--or something similar.) I'll announce the winner on Saturday, January 15th. Good luck!

Can a Pastor’s Wife be a Friend to Church Members?

Today's post is from Shauntae Brown White

I recently finished a project in which I interviewed pastors’ wives about their experiences in the role. When I got to the question of if pastors’ wives could be friends with congregants, interestingly, the overwhelming majority of the women answered, “No.” I, too, would tend to agree with that sentiment. However, I also believe it presents an interesting dilemma for a pastor’s wife.

The reason for most of my interview participants’ response was grounded in the idea that they wanted to help establish boundaries for their husbands as well as themselves. The reality is, no different than the fact that we might or might not want to socialize with our co-workers outside of work; pastors want to be liberated in their own personal space not to have to perform the role of pastoring. Boundaries are essential in life, and yet, I still believe pastors’ wives find themselves in a peculiar situation.

For a pastor’s wife in a new city, this could prove to be lonely, especially when the church becomes such a major part of your life where one spends a lot of her time. For an active lay person, not only can the church be a space where one can share intimate details of her life (issues of illness, job situations, grief), it also can, and to an extent should, become a part of one’s social network. For a pastor’s wife, that is not always the case.

One of the pastors’ wives I interviewed said, “You have to be friendly to everyone and buddy to no one.” I call this the tightrope walk of the performance of the role of pastor’s wife. Will we hang out and go to lunch? Talk on the phone? Fellowship in each other’s homes? Go shopping together? Probably not. Yet, pastors’ wives are expected to be warm, engaging, encouraging and affirming of members. For some women, it’s quite natural to be that. For others it’s not.

So, what is the solution? I believe each woman and ministry is different. In some contexts, boundaries can be a bit more flexible. For me, in both cities I’ve lived where my husband pastored, I was intentional on finding and nurturing relationships outside of the church. I have my own career, volunteer at my daughters’ school and other organizations, and have joined book clubs. Having healthy relationships with church members is important to me. Equally important, is having relationships with people who simply know me as Shauntae, and not just “the pastor’s wife.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University and has been a pastor's wife for 12 years.