Choose to Love

One can only watch so many romantic comedies or chic flicks before you start believing them. I partially blame my over-indulgence in fairy tale romance day-dreaming on some of those cheesy movies, but largely in part for my misunderstanding of what God's purpose/plan for the marriage relationship really is.

When I was in college, I got involved in a destructive, unhealthy relationship... with a youth leader and seminary student, nonetheless. But, we both were immature and selfish and that seemed to always win in the battles we faced between the spirit and our flesh. My college & career minister at the time asked me a question I'll never forget: "Maegan, can you glorify God more with or without this person?" Knowing the answer in my heart, I started then seeking God wholeheartedly and asking Him to transform my perspective on relationships/marriage. Then, about 3 years later... my husband came along :)

I cherish those 3 years in between beyond explanation. God revealed Himself to me in ways that forever changed me and prepared me for the day I would meet my husband, Jeremy. Knowing and experiencing that solitude is vitally important (in my opinion). Even Adam knew and experienced that solitude in the garden before Eve came along.

In that period, God confirmed that the response of faith for me was to see singleness as a committed life and not a lonely one. The moment that became content with my heart was the moment my Father took me by surprise by bringing Jeremy into my life. We married in 2006 and since has been a journey of intense joy, love, compassion, and adventure, but also tough struggles, mistakes, and constant change. Something I learned within our first year as husband & wife that has been a valuable reminder is that love is a choice. Everyday, regardless of how I "feel" or what mood I'm in, I wake up and choose to love my husband. Yes, I always want to and do not in anyway see it as a "chore"; however, most days it's a self conscience decision to pour my heart into loving Him as Christ loves me (Matt. 19:6).

God clearly intended transparency & openness as part of His plan for the marriage relationship- vulnerability without shame (Gen. 2:25). So, this is a lesson that has helped me on the hard days when I just seem to want the Drew Barrymore "Ever After" ending :) I realized early on that the self-sacrificing "Agape" kind of love that Jesus asked from Peter is the same that He desires from me and my marriage. The kind that is an act of will and not emotions (1 Cor. 13:4-8). Agape love is unselfish, undemanding, realizes the value of the one they're loving, recognizes responsibility, continually grows, never fades & is pure (1 Cor.13:12-13).

When all aspects of this Christ-like love find expression in marriage "the house will be built, established, and filled with precious & pleasant riches." (Prov. 14:1, 24:3-4). So, no matter where we are in our marriages or, knowing there is an Agape love to experience now, in the arms of Christ is constant and faithful reminder of why I am to keep loving as He first loved me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Maegan Harris Roper is the wife of a youth pastor, mother, worship leader, and full time Marketing/Publicity Director. She and her husband Jeremy serve on staff at St. Paul Community Church in Nashville, TN where they do a little of everything, but focus on student & college/career ministry. Maegan is the proud mom of Emmalyn Brooke, who is a growing toddler! When she’s not serving alongside her husband and adjusting to mommy hood, she’s working for a talented team of Christian fiction novelists with Abingdon Press as their publicist. She loves that her job combines faith, outreach, and great books! She’s passionate about connecting to and encouraging other women both in and outside of the ministry and she often blogs on various missional, faith-based topics at her blog, A Different Remedy, http://www.maeganroper.blogspot.com/

Praying for Each Other - February 26, 2011

For I am the LORD your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13 - NIV

Lord, we thank you for your promise to hold us up. I pray that you be with every woman who visits this blog; be with those who read, and those who share their hearts. May we all feel your loving touch today.

Amen!

Home Is Where Our Family Lives

My two-year-old recently learned a new word: “Home.”

Photo by Mary R. Vogt - morguefile.com

Hearts melting, we encouraged her, “Yes, ‘home.’ Home is where our family lives.” Follow that with a big family hug, with our three faces squished together. Are you “awwww-ing” yet?

Truth is, that simple statement I told my daughter is often hard for me to accept. As the family of a United Methodist pastor, we are told where “home” is going to be for the next few years, at least in terms of city or town, if not the actual house we are assigned due to the increasingly outmoded parsonage system.

We’ve lived for the last almost-four years in a house and town we would not have chosen for ourselves, and we have never really felt “at home” in this context. Sure, it’s nice to have free housing for a while, but we want to choose a neighborhood and house that suit our personality and lifestyle. We want to own a home and put down roots in a place where we can make friends and our kids can have stability. We don’t want to end up like some pastors I’ve heard of, retired at 65 and finally buying a home for the very first time. Living in a parsonage is like borrowing a friend’s clothes—maybe fun for a moment, but you’re never fully comfortable.

And yet, to our daughter, this is the only home she’s ever known. To her, houses and food and clothing and toys just magically appear and it makes no difference who chose them or who paid for them. All she knows is that she has everything she needs and a loving Mommy and Daddy to boot. We should all be so content.

Yes, I still hope to buy a house that is really “ours,” but we already have a home. Home is where our family lives.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jessica Miller Kelley is a working mom and pastor’s wife in Tennessee. Her husband, Matt, is a United Methodist pastor, and their daughter Kate is the rambunctious toddler who lights up their lives. She blogs about motherhood, books, and church issues at The Parsonage Family (http://www.mattandjesskelley.blogspot.com/).

Taking Your Prayer Requests & Praises

We're taking prayer requests today. If you'd like prayer for something in your life or want to share how God has blessed you, you can do it in one of three ways:

• Leave a comment to this post
• Use the "Share Your Story" form (this is the best way if you'd like to remain anonymous)
• Email me directly at jallee725 [at] hotmail [dot] com

I'll post the list of prayer requests and praises on Saturday. This is just one more way we can join our hearts together. Blessings on your day!

Exteriors, Part I: The Pastor’s Wife, The African American Church, and Natural Hair

Hair is a loaded and complex issue within the African American community. It’s generally rooted in slavery and the systematic oppression after in which African Americans who had a more Eurocentric physical aesthetic (light skinned, thinner noses and lips, and long and straight hair) received preferential treatment both within and outside of the community. That one-sentence history lesson oversimplifies a complex issue, but my focus today is wearing natural hair—hair that has not been chemically straighten and many times seen as less acceptable—and being a pastor’s wife.

When I decided to wear my hair natural in 1995, I pondered the questions many women who have worn relaxers and have decided to go natural consider. One of those questions is: Would I be able to find a job? Since then, I have discovered several things. Among them is my hair has had more of an impact in my husband’s profession than my own. Those of you who are familiar with black church culture know that the pastor is usually, but not always, an esteemed community leader. The pastor can often become a central figure to the identity of a congregation. A part of that pastoral package is his wife.

Throughout that candidating process--the Baptist method of calling a pastor--I learned a lot about black church culture including how the pastor’s wife (her personality and appearance) are factored into the candidates qualifications and fit with the congregation. I know this for sure because despite the credentials, preaching gifts, and “fit” he would have with a church, my hair came up in at least three instances. The first instance was at a church near my hometown where not only was my entire family able to attend the Sunday worship service, my family knew some of the members in the congregation. One of my aunt’s acquaintances told her after my husband was not called to the church: “We really liked your nephew—he really could preach, but we could not get with your niece’s hair.” In another, members of one search committee visited my husband at the church he pastored at that time in Cincinnati over the course of several months. One gentleman came to our church once in January and another time in April. On the second visit, he casually made the comment: “Oh, Sister So and so was right, those really are locs in your hair.” I always wanted to say, “And so what was that conversation about?” Finally, at the church who eventually called my husband, one of the members on the search committee said, “You know, we thought we were going to hear comments about your hair, but to my knowledge that never came up.”

I won’t say for sure that my hair has prevented my husband’s job opportunities, but for sure, my hair has been a topic of discussion. My natural hair violates the expectation of the image of the First Lady in the black church. This iconic image is a delicate balance of oxymora: She should be pretty, but not too stunning; supportive of and submissive toward her husband, but not abused, have her own life, gifts and talents, but not outshine her husband. But more importantly, she should fit into a box—an image that exists “out there” that she did not create.

How are you, pastors’ wives, conforming to the box created for you?

How are you, church members, creating a box for your pastor’s wife?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University and has been a pastor's wife for 12 years.

The S-Word: Marriage Monday

No, not sex. That's not the S-word I'm thinking of. (I'm not quite that brave.)

I'm talking about the other S-word in Christianity.
A word that can send the strongest women of faith into a frenzy of fear.
A word that has kept many modern women from coming to God.
What's the horrible, scary word? Have you figured it out yet?

 

Even if you've mastered the art of submission, sooner or later you're going to meet up with a Christian sister who is struggling with the concept. It's essential for us to have a right understanding of Biblical submission, and even more important to demonstrate it to the women (and men) around us.

There's a negative perception in the world, and very often in church, that "submissive wife" and "marital slave" are synonymous terms. That's incorrect!

Submission is never forced, nor coerced, nor demanded. By its very definition, submission must be voluntarily offered or it isn't submission anymore. Submission that's manipulated or forced is correctly called TYRANNY, and it has nothing to do with the God-ordained covenant of marriage. In other words, when someone says "you have to submit to me," red flags should go up in your spirit, because something is already out of order.

The word submission literally means to come under the mission of someone or something. From a military standpoint, a soldier comes under the mission of his or her commanding officer. An employee comes under the mission of his or her employer. In marriage, it means a wife sets herself under her husband's mission in life and sets herself in position to help him carry it out. It's not a loss of value or worth or power. In fact, submission is place of supernatural safety and protection. (If this concept is new to you, or if you've been the victim of abuse by authority, I highly recommend John Bevere's book Under Cover.)

Scripture art via the160acrewoods.com, click here for MORE!

What IS your husband's mission? Do you know? Has he delegated aspects of that mission/assignment/vision to you? Have you assumed things he hasn't required of you? If you can't answer these questions, ask your husband. Tell him you want to be a better help-meet to him, and in order to do that, you need some direction. Encourage him to communicate his mission/vision/assignment for your family and finances, for your church and ministry.

Another definition for submission — in a very practical, walking through your day-to-day life kind of way  — is a respectful response. NOTE: Submission and agreement are NOT the same thing. Just because you disagree on a subject or a course of action does not make you a submission failure! It also doesn't mean you're expected to keep all your opinions, ideas, and suggestions to yourself. It does mean your communication, whether it's in disagreement or in submitting an idea, should be done respectfully, without emotional or mental manipulation. Using tears to get your way, or withholding physical affection is NOT submissive behavior.

And one more way to view Christian submission: You are, as a daughter of God, first and foremost submitted to HIM. Your husband falls below God on the hierarchy of authority. Therefore, when your DH is doing something dumb (Of course, OUR husbands never do anything dumb, right?) you turn to your heavenly Father, and ask God to have a chat with the man you've been assigned to as a life partner. God is better equipped to deal with His boys than we are. Seriously.

Are you submitted? Working on it? Don't be afraid. The position of submission is a position of power.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Niki Turner has been a pastor's wife at a small church in rural northwestern Colorado since 1998. She and her husband have four children, are soon-to-be grandparents, and have been married for 20 years.
Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in addition to posting here and at Inkwell Inspirations.

My Way or the Higher Way

The Bible is very clear about God’s will for men. I Timothy 2:3 & 4-For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

So we know that the will of God is for us to be saved. We can accept that, right, but we also need to commit to allowing God to do it His way.

What is the “way” of the Lord? Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Joseph (of the technicolor dream coat) was committed to following the way of the Lord. You all remember the story, don’t you? He had the most messed up family of all time. Of all time.

Without even talking about his screwed up parents, he had it rough. Joseph’s brothers were so jealous of him they wanted to kill him. At the last minute they decided instead to sell him as a slave. At that point he’s transported to a foreign country and reduced from the favorite son of a rich man, to the lowliest slave in the Potiphar’s household.

Because of Joseph, God blessed Potiphar’s house, and soon Joseph was in charge of all Potiphar possessed. He was trusted so much that Potiphar didn’t even know how much money he had, he left it all up to Joseph to handle. But then everything goes down the tubes again. Potiphar’s nymphomaniac wife tries to seduce Joseph. When she failed she lied about him and he was thrown in prison

Wait a minute! That’s not fair, Joseph did the right thing. He ran away from evil. He kept himself, pure. How could he wind up in prison?

Yep, indeed, the way of God for Joseph led him into prison.

And you know what, Joseph didn’t understand all that was happening to him. We know how the story ends, but Joseph didn’t when he tossed into a cell. Even after he got out of jail, he didn’t understand. We know because of what he named his children:

The first is Manasseh- His name means to forget, Joseph named him this because he had determined to forget all his father’s house. The second was Ephraim- His name means blessed because Joseph said he had been blessed in his new life. Even after becoming a powerful man of Pharaoh’s court, Joseph did not know why all of these things had happened to him.

He did not know until well after the famine of Pharaoh’s dreams strikes the land. One day as Joseph is at work he sees his brothers, the very ones who had sold him into slavery all those years ago.

And suddenly he reached a point of understanding.

He tells his brothers about it later when he reveals himself to them. “You meant what you did to me for evil, but God sent me before you to preserve life.”

Suddenly everything that had happened to him made sense. We have all gone through things in our lives, and we just don’t understand why.

Don’t give up hope! Continue to serve God and one day you will reach that point of understanding in your life as well. You can be assured that there is purpose in the pain.

The way can be hard but in the end we are assured of victory through Christ.

We know Mary today as a most blessed woman. She was chosen to be the mother of Christ. But the way of God, even for her, was not perfectly smooth.

When it was found that she was pregnant she had to endure the speculation and gossip of those around her. “Oh, sure, Of course, you are carrying the Messiah.”

She’d done nothing wrong, and yet she was gossiped about. She became the cautionary tale. It must have taken a great deal of courage just to go and draw water at the same time as the other women. To endure the sudden silence as she walked up, the scorn and rejection of people who had used to be her friends.

And yet all the while she was enduring the sly, sidelong glances of her neighbors, the way of God was developing inside of her. In John 14:6 Jesus declared that He is the way, the truth and the life.

It was a long difficult trial, one that she probably had to contend with for most of her life, but Mary allowed the way of God to be fulfilled through her. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it!

Psalms 37:5-6 says “Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.”

Sometimes we just want things to be done our way. We think we know the best thing for us. It’s tough to give up control. But even in the hard times He will be with you. And when you reach the point of understanding you will realize that it was worth it!

You will look back over your life in awe, as you put the pieces of the puzzle all together. Suddenly a new and beautiful picture emerges. And it all makes sense.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lisa Karon Richardson has been creating stories, since she was little. Influenced by books like The Secret Garden and The Little Princess her early books were heavy on boarding schools and creepy houses. It took her awhile to figure out why grandma thought it was unrealistic for boys and girls to share a room at a boarding house! Now that she’s (mostly) all grown-up she still loves a healthy dash of adventure and excitement in any story she creates, even her real-life story. She’s been a missionary to the Seychelles and Gabon and now that she and her husband are back in America, they are tackling a brand new adventure, starting a daughter-work church in a new city. You can also find Lisa at her group blog: http://inkwellinspirations.blogspot.com/ Her first novella entitled Impressed by Love, part of the Colonial Courtships collection, is coming in May, 2012.

What I Learned from Baby Diapers

I think God came up with the concept of people having children so we could learn about ourselves. I'm sure that's not the only reason, but I'm 99% positive that played into it. I've learned more about myself in the last eight months, I think, by watching my little boy, than I would have thought possible. I've learned more about God too, and how much He loves us.

I've learned that sometimes babies don't want their diapers changed (sorry for the diaper reference, but when you change that many a day, what else do you talk about?). I've learned that sometimes babies would rather keep playing despite the sticky smell wafting through the air around them, but that as a parent, it's my responsibility not to let my child stay dirty. God does the same thing with us. Sometimes it's so much more comfortable to stay the way we are--whether that's in sin, or just in the "status quo, but He's our Heavenly Parent. And we need to trust that He knows best.

I've learned that babies would rather have a stuffy nose than have it slurped with a nasal aspirator. My son screams like I'm torturing him while I lovingly try to make him feel better. How often do we do that to God? He does something that's for our good and we kick and squirm and question His wisdom. I know I've done this before, but I'm trying to remember that just as my eight month old doesn't understand that I do what I do for a reason, we don't always understand God's reasons. And we don't have to.

I've learned that God loves us even more than I ever imagined. Those of you who are parents understand this. I love my family and my husband, but I never knew the exact kind of love that you have for a child. And God calls us His children. He loves us! Wow. I love it. =)

So I guess what I'm challenging you to do today is to look around you. If you have kids, watch them. If you don't, watch other people or just the world in general. We can learn things about our relationship with God if we just pay attention. Try it and see. =)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sarah Varland is a book-loving, outdoorsy pastor's wife from Georgia. When she’s not doing glamorous pastor’s wife duties, like squashing bugs and refilling toilet paper rolls, she loves to write, read, kayak and spend time with her husband and son. You can read more of her thoughts on life, books, and the ministry fishbowl at espressoinalatteworld.blogspot.com

Words: Swords or Sweet Bouquets

When I sent an email of encouragement to a friend during a scary time, her response was, “Thank you for the words.”

Wow. I’d never before considered words as gifts. I should have. The Bible says they contain the power to kill or to heal; it’s up to us how we choose to employ them (Proverbs 18:21).



A child born in poverty with little hope of success can become a man or woman of greatness when a teacher says, “You are smarter than you think. I believe you can do this.”

A person with physical limitations can climb a tall mountain or run a marathon when a friend says, “You are stronger than you think. I believe you can do this.”

A parent raising a special needs child can overcome doubting voices and predictions when a loved one says, “You are wiser than you think. I believe you can do this.”

The gift of words instills hope, courage, and determination. Kindness in the face of criticism is a brightly colored umbrella in a storm. Affirmation in the face of ridicule is a warm embrace in a roomful of cold hearts. Love in the face of sarcasm is a bouquet of sweet peas in a field of nettles.

We’ve all known people who make us want to run out the back door when they enter a room. Why? Their words cut, wound, damage, and destroy. These people have aching hearts. Instead of searching for healing, they want everyone around them to share their pain. So, they spew criticism, doubt, and despair upon anyone who’ll listen, hoping to gain sympathy, or at least attention to make themselves feel important. Does it work? Or are they perpetuating their misery by faultfinding and griping?



Then there are individuals who make us glad to be on the same planet with them. Their words heal, lift up, and impart joy. They bring out the best in others, always looking for something to compliment. Although they have problems of their own, they’ve discovered that focusing on others chases away self-pity faster than whining. They never lack friends, because they bring warmth and delight to every encounter.

You may not have thought of yourself as a powerful person. But, you are. We all are. With the gift of words, we possess the power to change our world for good. Let’s start today. Let’s give someone the greatest blessing they will ever receive: uplifting, kind, strengthening words. Words that heal and help, not wound. Words to nurture. Words of life.

They’ll thank us for the gift.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A spunky, sometimes reluctant pastor’s wife of thirty-five years, Jeanette has published articles, greeting card verses, and calendar poems. She also authors a bi-weekly column in her local newspaper. Jeanette enjoys speaking to church and civic groups, offering mirth and worth in every message. She and her husband Kevin live in Paris, IL. She is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to several cats.

Visit her blog at http://jeanettelevellie.blogspot.com/

Love... Not As Simple As It Seems

Today's post also appears on the Inkwell Inspirations blog

Being that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, I'm in the mood for love... pondering it, anyway.

Love. It seems simple enough: Love one another. Love makes the world go 'round. Love is all you need. It makes life sound so easy. I love you, you love me... cue the purple dinosaur.

But love is a deceptive concept. There's so much meaning wrapped up in that small word. Real love is far more than a warm, fuzzy feeling. More than a fleeting emotion. True love is a decision to put someone else first. It requires dedication and hard work. When you love someone, really love them, it can wear you out.

Here's how the Bible describes love:

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13 - NLT

There's nothing easy about loving like that! But it's powerful. The most powerful thing there is. After all, God is love. But how can we possibly hope to love each other in the same way that our almighty God does?

All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

1 John 4:15-17 - NLT

True, real, deep love is only possible when the God of love lives and moves in us. As our love for God grows, so does our love for the people around us.

May you bask in the love of our great God!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/

On a WHIM: Fulfillment in God's Dreams

I’m a big advocate for dreaming big—not just any dreams but the dream’s God has for us to dream. But if there’s one group of people who struggle with seeing their dreams become reality, it’s pastors’ wives. Over and over they are asked to sacrifice their dreams in order to support their husbands’ calling. If the desires of our heart truly are focused on what God has for us, and those desires give us a distinct aspiration to pursue God-given goals, then why do these dreams often get shelved so that our husbands’ dreams can be realized?

Recently I asked PWs to post a question regarding the ministry life to me on facebook for The Pastor’s Wife Speaks articles, and the above question was asked. I’ll be honest—it struck a chord with me. One of my “heart-core” messages is God’s call to dream big (HIS dreams for us).

I can see both sides of the coin.

1. When we give our lives to Jesus to use however He sees fit, we don’t get to designate how our time is spent. Sometimes our ambition is set aside for the better good. What’s the better good? Whatever God believes will make the biggest impact for the Kingdom. Our husbands’ work is of ultimate importance. Often, our dreams are realized as we serve alongside our husbands in ministry. But some of us have dreams we sense God leading us to, apart from local church ministry.

2. Does our PW status mean there’s nothing apart from local church ministry that God has left us on earth to accomplish for His purposes and glory? Who’s to say what God has called us to is any less important than a church pastorate? What if a wife is led to head-up a national ministry that has no start-up salary, but the church can’t pay the husband much, so instead the wife is left working a dead-end job to bring in a paycheck and medical benefits? Does a husband’s calling to pastor a church mean his wife must give up her God-given dream because he needs her to work a generic job that supplements or supports the needs of the family?

Do you feel trapped because you aren’t living out your calling? Do you want to support your husband’s dreams, but hurt when your husband comes home pumped up from a day of ministry and you've struggled with a joyless job? This is a recipe for disaster! You want to be supportive and love the serving in ministry with your husband. But you hate clocking in to a humdrum job while husband gets to “do” ministry.

What is your advice to PWs who are stuck in dead-end jobs to help support the family, while feeling unfulfilled in pursuing the dreams God has placed on their hearts? How do wives deal with the resentment that builds up when churches act like they own their husbands, even when they pay very little for that 24/7 time commitment? What are specific steps for all involved? What can churches do when they can’t pay a full salary and benefits? What can husbands do to make sure their wives are fulfilled, living a life pursuing God’s calling and direction? What can wives do when their dreams are temporarily shelved in order to support the family?

These two Bible verses come to mind:

• Colossians 3:23 (NIV), “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
• 1 Timothy 5:17 (NIV), “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor [pay], especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.”

I’ll weigh in with options in the comments section, but first want to hear your good input. Please take time to leave a comment because it is going to help many pastors’ wives!

Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter

Kathy Carlton Willis gets jazzed speaking cross-country for women’s events and writers’ conferences. She’s known for her practical and humorous messages full of hope and insight. Kathy enjoys fiddling with words as: writer, publicist and writer’s coach at Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. She serves on faculty with CLASSeminars, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and others. Kathy shines, whether she’s shining the light on God’s writers and speakers, or reflecting God’s light during her programs. She served in full-time local church ministry with her husband for over twenty-five years.

KATHY CARLTON WILLIS

PERSONAL BLOG: http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com

PROFESSIONAL BLOG: http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com/

WEB: http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Kathy speaks on a variety of subjects. Request a brochure like this one: http://bit.ly/b7KOXa

Encourage Yourself

Monday I was in tears. Both girls battled stuffy noses and fever, my husband would leave from work and go straight to seminary school, and my teenager came home with a heap of homework. I still needed to put in eight hours of work from home, make a trip to the doctor's office, cook dinner, blog, and tidy up my manuscript for a contest entry. My plate was full, and I was certain I couldn't accomplish everything.

Somewhere during the morning I hung my head in agony, tempted to throw up my hands. A few times I reached for the phone to call my husband and my mother, and then thought better than to bother them with my stresses. The burden of sharing was even too much.


At times like these a song will prick my spirit. And the perfect one did. A soothing melody that gave me the remedy-to encourage myself.

Sometimes you have to encourage yourself.
Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test
No matter how you feel, speak the Word and you will be healed.
Speak over yourself, encourage yourself in the Lord.

My joy seeped in, and I reached for the Word hidden in my heart. Instantly, I began whispering scriptures that could comfort my chaos. I'm so thankful that God makes His presence and power known through His word. It made me wonder as women driven by families, careers, and ministries how do we manage to stay sane? What weapons of warfare do we reach for?

So, I wanted to share some of my ammunition:

"Casting all of your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)"

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10)"

"And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ my dwell in me (2 Corinthians 12:9)."

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2-4)."

Speak over yourself, encourage yourself in the Lord!

Tell me a scripture that spices up your day. How do manage life's stresses?

Tamika Eason is a wife, writer, mother to three daughters, and servant. She remains in awe that despite her fallibility God would choose her to choose Him. She and her husband are dedicated to the ministry of their church in Austin, Texas. You can find her scribbling about the writing journey at her blog http://www.thewriteworship.blogspot.com/.

Wallet Wars: Marriage and Money

by Niki Turner

Money and sex. If you've been married for any length of time, you've probably had at least one fight, er ... discussion, about one or the other.

photo by piyushthacker	via PhotoRee

photo by piyushthacker

via PhotoRee

Battles about money — who earns it, who spends it, where it went — are one of the most common causes of marital discord. When money is tight the tension can escalate to cold war era proportions.

We fought about money for years. My husband is a spender, and I am a miser. (You know you're cheap when you won't buy something new unless it's 50 percent off 50 percent off or more.) As Dave Ramsey puts it, he is the "free spirit" and I am the "nerd." Grocery trips early in our marriage often resulted in uncomfortable confrontations at the checkout counter.

photo by Tambako the Jaguar	via PhotoRee

Me: Where did these Mega-Blue-Blaster Cheeseberry Crunch Curls come from?

Hubby: (whistles and stares at the ceiling) 

Me: Why did you get (name brand) ketchup? The store brand is half the price.

Hubby: I don't like the store brand. I like (name brand). And it's only $1 difference.

Me: $1 extra for ketchup, plus $3.98 for Crunch Curls, that's $4.98 extra ... honey.

Can YOU say "honey" and make it sound toxic? I can.

It took us years, some powerful lessons from the Holy Spirit, and a lot of apologies and forgiving, but we finally figured out a system that works pretty well. We rarely fight about money these days (or sex, but that's another post), and I'm thankful.

Every relationship is as unique as every household budget, but there are a few things that apply universally. On the way home from town the other day I heard a radio clip by Luci Swindoll about managing money that caught my attention. Even though none of it was new information, it's such an excellent reminder for us all I looked it up to share here.

As household managers, purchasers of groceries, kids' sneakers and blue jeans, and the occasional new appliance, these are practical, applicable suggestions that can save us money AND stress.

• Take care of what you have
• Wear it out
• Do it yourself
• When making a purchase: consider value, quality, and multi-use
• Shop less
• Buy used
• Pay cash
• Make gifts

The hardest ones for us have been taking care of what we have (because maintenance takes time, is boring, and costs money), and paying cash. Shopping less is easy... we're an hour from the nearest Walmart. And buying used is easy, because I love to rummage through thrift stores for bargains.
 
What tips, tools, and methods have been most helpful to you in reducing financial conflict in your marriage?

Niki Turner has been a pastor's wife at a small church in rural northwestern Colorado since 1998. She and her husband have four children, are soon-to-be grandparents, and have been married for 20 years.

Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in addition to posting here and at Inkwell Inspirations.

I KNEW She was too Good to be True!

We’ve all heard about the Virtuous Woman from Proverbs 31 right? That overachiever! Honestly what a character to try to live up to. I always noticed she didn’t have a name and being the suspicious sort of person I am, I suspected that she was a figment of someone’s overly fertile imagination.

And I was right! When I started to look it up, I discovered that Proverbs 31 was an acrostic poem. The model woman is an idealized portrait of womanhood. I knew it! No one excels at everything. We all have different gifts and talents.

It is easy to get sidetracked by all this woman did, but the real focus of this poem is that she embraces whatever she does with her whole heart. I think her philosophy would be “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” Regardless of her natural talents or acquired skills, or all her accomplishments, her strength comes from God.

So let’s take a look at the verses:

10 Who can find a virtuous woman; for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

What does a virtuous woman look like today? Proverbs 31 shows us that it is the woman who puts God first. The focus isn’t on her marital status, her social status, or her wealth. Although it may seem that way as we go through the list of her accomplishments.

Cultures change, but this woman’s God-inspired character is what shines brightly across the centuries. Having the law of kindness on her tongue, not being lazy or vain, but striving to please the Lord. Those are things that still mean something even today.

Though I may never be the ideal woman according to society, because that definition is constantly changing. I certainly don’t fit the glamorous image that the world tries to pawn off on us as “A Woman”. BUT I can be the ideal woman God created me uniquely to be if I will strive to put Him first.

I’m not trying to add anything more to your already full plates. Or to try to guilt you into some demonstration of your Proverbs 31ness, in fact I would encourage you to take a look at the things you do and see what you can cut back on. Reclaim some of your time and spend it with the Lord. He will recharge your batteries and strengthen you if you allow Him.

What one thing can you do to draw closer to the Lord?

Praying for Each Other - February 5, 2011

Ladies, I'm so sorry I didn't get our usual prayer post up. This weekend is a wild one for me, which is why I'm going to be brief.

Even though I don't comment on every post on this blog, I read them all. And even though I don't personally know each one of you, I pray for you all. It's a big, corporate, group prayer, but God knows what you need better than I ever could.

Please pray for each other today. And if you wouldn't mind asking God to give me extra helpings of focus and time-management skills, I'd appreciate it!

If you have special prayer requests, please put them in the comments so we can agree with you in prayer.

Be blessed!
Jennifer

The Posture of Formation

I led worship at a women's conference recently where the organizer, bless her heart, was not a musician. When she first contacted me, she said, "can you handle the music? I'm not a music person." I said, of course(!) and got to planning. I wanted to know what the themes were, who was speaking, what the verses were they wanted to use, and all the things I usually take into consideration when planning a worship service.

Yes, I'm young, so I'm exaggerating this part, but her response was a metaphorical aren't-you-a-dear-trying-so-hard-it's-just-music pat on the hand. But she did give me the information and the freedom to do whatever I wanted. She intrinsically knew that she couldn't do this, and that I could, so she just let me go.

Then we get to the retreat and I start setting up for the worship session. I hooked up my projector, my computer, my sound system. Then I went about gathering the information on each speaker and some announcements so we could run a loop while everyone was getting ready. The organizer came back to me and said, "wow, isn't this a lot just for a few songs before the speaker?" (I should say, she didn't intend to hurt my feelings or demean my contribution, but by not understanding or valuing my gift, it just happened.)

I tried to explain my vision for the worship. Some Scripture reading, some prayer, some singing, a little teaching (because, I guess, I have a Seminary degree and a responsibility to use it to my fullest capability) about worship. I was thinking about twenty minutes to half an hour, set up the speakers, maybe sing between them, and then close in song and prayer afterwards.

She laughed at me. Again, I don't think she was being intentionally mean. But she laughed at me. "Oh, I was just thinking we'd sing one of those little praise songs and maybe a hymn or two." I literally felt my face drop. My head dropped, my spirit dropped. This misunderstanding of the experience of worship really frustrates me, but I held my tongue about the theological stuff and just explained that we really were putting on a church service, and that a lot of people connect to God primarily through music, so it would be better to at least have an extended worship time with some prayer interspersed.

Here came the patronizing pat on the hand again. "You just do whatever you want, honey. And we'll wait to start the speaker until you're done." So with my freedom restored, I went ahead and did what I'd planned, in all three of our sessions. And after the conference was over, I had people coming up to me, thanking me for the worship experience. So at least I wasn't the only one who wanted to connect to God this way.

And now we come to the primary frustration I have with most Western Christians. We've come to so value the cerebral experience that we've somehow decided the sermon is the reason we come to church on Sunday. But that's not at all the case. It's not the knowledge of God that changes us, it's the experience of God that changes us. The worship of God. The adoration of God, the praise of God, the reaffirmation of who He is and who we are. This includes prayer, Scripture, talking, silence, confession, communion, singing, and bowing our hearts before Him.

The sermon (especially the 45-minute, 3-point sermon) is an intellectual exercise that rarely connects to our heart in a way that affects lasting change in our lives. (Of course, it does sometimes, and for some of  us, more often than others.) But no pastor kids themselves into thinking that their sermons are changing lives every week. Why? Because we are not changed by human words (or human music or someone's voice or arrangement of a song or beautiful prayer). We are changed by encountering God. That might, indeed, happen through the sermon. But it's just as likely to happen in corporate silence, while pondering a Scripture or confessing our sins. Or in corporate prayer, as we bow our hearts before God. Or in song, as we open our creative and emotive spirit to our Creator and Comforter.

If I'm honest, I often have people discount the importance of worship, and so I'm just as likely to overstate its importance in facilitating the encounter of God by our worshippers as a teaching pastor is to overstate the importance of sermons in spiritual formation. But the bottom line of it all is that we can only be changed by that wonderful combination of our will surrendering and God's will overtaking. That is the posture of formation--bowing of heart and knee and will. We are not formed by information. If we were, then every person who read the Bible would have no choice but to surrender their lives to God. No. We are formed by the encounter of the living Word. And however we end up surrendering to Him so He can reform us, it is Him that changes us.

Not everyone's formation is facilitated in the same way. And I will stand by the fact that it's important for us to consider the fact that we are not changed by information, but that all of our preaching and teaching and singing and informing should be to point people toward the Throne, where the real Change lives.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rebecca Lynn is a Worship Arts Pastor at a thriving church in the Mountain West. She recently finished her Master of Arts in Transformational Leadership at Bethel Seminary in St. Paul, MN. She is an author, speaker, leadership coach, and consultant who specializes in self-leadership and communications.