Hurts and Heartache

Ministry can be tough. Harsh. Gut wrenching. If you have been there, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I hope my words give you something you can share with someone else who is hurting in your life right now.

I wrote this blog a couple months ago, shortly after my husband came home from a church business meeting with a letter that stated his contract would not be renewed and effective immediately he was no longer the pastor. No reason was given. No sin was involved. We were left with no answers.

When I considered what to write for a blog that speaks to pastors’ wives, this post of mine came to mind: a post about grieving. It is okay to grieve: to grieve over loss, over hurt, over heartache. It is a process that can lead towards healing. So let me open my heart and give you a glimpse of my own grief as a pastor’s wife.

***

It comes in the form of a phone call, a letter, the distraught look of the doctor across the desk. You try to prepare yourself. But no matter how the news is delivered, it hits you like a punch in the gut. You reel back from the blow. Shock sets in. You wonder what you’re going to do. Life as you know it will never be the same again.

I know I’m not the only one who is or has gone through something, whether that is the death of a loved one, news that the cancer is back, or the loss of a job. And if you’re like me, you find your confidence shaken. What you once thought you believed you’re not sure about anymore. So what do you do?

As I prepared for this post, I read an article about the five stages of grief. As I read, it hit me: I was experiencing those stages. You do not need to experience death in order to have your world turned upside down. At first I found myself in denial. I kept thinking there had to be some mistake; that this was some kind of strange nightmare and I would eventually wake up, right?

But soon reality set in and I found myself angry. Really angry. I wanted an answer for why my husband had lost his job. But none came.

Then I began to bargain with God. I told God I would do anything if he would just get my family safely through this. Being a planner, I began to make plans after plans of what I would do to keep my family afloat. No matter the cost to myself, I would do what it took to get my family safely to the other side.

More days past and my plans fell to the wayside. Depression set in. I will admit it's still here, sapping my heart and mind, clouding my vision. I once heard the Chinese symbol for perseverance was a heart with a dagger in it. I’m not sure if that’s true, but that is what life feels like right now. You hurt so bad you don’t want to move. But you must. Because life goes on.

The last stage of grief is acceptance. I can feel it on the horizon. But I’m scared of it. I’m afraid that if I accept what has happened, then that will make it okay. I know it’s illogical, but many times there is no logic in grief. Only deep intense feelings.

So where is God in all of this? Where is God during the hurts and heartache? I will be honest and say I don’t know why God allowed Dan to lose his job. I do not know what our future holds. And I hurt right now. But one thing I know, that in darkness there is light.

The light shines in the darkness, 

and the darkness can never extinguish it.

John 1:5

That light is Jesus. No matter how dark life gets, it can never extinguish God. I am clinging to that promise now. And though I can’t see Him through all the pain, I know God is holding me. For if His hands can hold every star in the sky and He cares about even the smallest bird, then I know He will carry me through.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Morgan L. Busse is the wife of a church planter and mother of four children. She is passionate about authentic Christianity and shares from her own life her doubts, fears, and triumphs as a follower of Jesus Christ. Along with blogging, Morgan also writes speculative fiction and is seeking publication for her first novel, Daughter of Light. To find out more, visit her blog In Darkness there is Light at http://morganlbusse.wordpress.com

Mirror God, not man

by Niki Turner

We're on our third day without hot water.

photo by kevindooley

via PhotoRee

photo by kevindooley

via PhotoRee

Hubby has been hard at work during that time trying to repair our hot water heater. Growling sounds and angry words emanate from the laundry room, punctuated by the metallic clang of tools hitting the stone floor. This morning has involved two trips to the hardware stores in search of replacement parts.

I'm tired of taking sponge baths, and my husband's snarling sets my teeth on edge. But I've resolved to keep my mouth shut and exercise the virtues of patience, kindness, and self-control in spite my own stinky pits and a growing pile of dirty dishes. I've learned the hard way that having both of us lose our peace at the same time is not healthy.

Into every marriage come opportunities for one or both partners to experience great stress, anger, discouragement, fear, or inconvenience. It could be a health crisis (thankfully my husband is incredibly calm during emergency room visits, because I am not). It could be a malfunctioning vehicle, a broken lawnmower, sticking door, leaky roof, or those seemingly minor plumbing repairs that turn into huge ordeals and leave behind heaps of sodden rags. Or, the stress could be job-related, financial, or familial. Maybe your spouse freaks out every time his parents (or yours) come to visit. Maybe you panic over every unexpected expense and the price of gas and your hubby's desire to buy a new set of golf clubs. The point is, everyone has weak links where flesh overrides faith and we begin to behave badly. 

photo by Philip Dehm

via PhotoRee

photo by Philip Dehm

via PhotoRee

Whatever the originating cause, when tempers and tensions escalate, it's easy to jump on for the roller coaster ride of emotions with our spouses and let an external problem become the field of a marital battle. It's like that old mirroring exercise from high school drama class. But when we mirror each other, and one partner is "losing it," things can get ugly in a hurry.

We aren't supposed to be mirrors for our spouses. We're supposed to mirror God, reflecting His love, peace, patience, and kindness. Your choice to remain calm might be enough to defuse the situation. At the very least, you'll still have your peace! Next time you find yourself mirroring a cranky look, a fretful attitude, or an angry tone, step back. You don't have to go on that ride!

P.S. As I finish this post, hubby has just informed me that the hot water heater is now working once again. Glory to God! We avoided harsh words with each other (although if the water heater has feelings, it may need therapy). And, God provided hubby with inside information at the last minute that saved us a major expense. Now, I'm off to luxuriate in a long, hot, bubble bath!

Repent!

If you’ve been in church any length of time, you’ve no doubt heard the word “repent.” I’ll bet you even know what it means--to feel sorry or contrite for something you have done. When we confess our sins, we repent or say we’re sorry and will not do that thing again.

Good.

But there’s another way to look at the word “repent.” The prefix “re” means to do again. Some words that use re include: redo, rework, rewire, reread. It means to do whatever it is again. For example, I could rewrite this message if when I’m finished it makes no sense (which is always a possibility!).

So the word “repent” begins with re. To do over. But then the question becomes, “To do WHAT over?” This is where the story gets interesting.

I remember from way back in my English teaching days, my kids had to learn long lists of Latin and Greek root words. The idea was that if they learned the root words, they could put them together and decode words that used those root words. It was a very effective way to learn a lot of vocabulary words very quickly.

One of those root words was “pent.” I went to dictionary.com and had to go the long way around to find this. The Latin root pent comes from the Latin word pensar, which means “to think.”

Ah-ha. That was my first thought when I was listening to someone talk about this word. Wait, pen/pent means “to think.” So RE-pent would mean “to think again.”

For one moment let’s put aside what we normally think the word repent means, and let’s consider the possibility that it means to re-think.

When Jesus says, “Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” Consider what that means. Yes, it means to be sorry for the junk you’ve done and are doing, but it ALSO means, “Rethink your life! Rethink what you are doing, how you are living! Rethink this moment for you are no longer under the world’s dominion. The KINGDOM of GOD is here!”

Let me ask you. Are you saying you’re part of the Kingdom but living according to the world. Rethink that position. Do you get up and go to a job you hate because it pays the bills? Rethink that attitude. Maybe you need a different job, or maybe you need to start being the Kingdom where you work.

Is your household peaceful? If not, maybe it’s time to “rethink” some things about how you’ve set up your world. Is your marriage in harmony? If not, maybe it’s time to “rethink” how you are treating your spouse and what you’re allowing to be in your lives that is not conducive to harmony.

To be honest, I love this concept because the truth is I am sorry for my sins, but sometimes it’s not the outright sin that’s holding me back. Sometimes it’s my way of thinking that is stopping God’s Life from flowing in mine. I need on many occasions to “Repent!” to “Rethink!” what I’m doing and why.

I invite you today to look at your life. What areas could use some “repenting”? Where might it be a good idea to rethink what you’re doing and why?

What are you waiting for?

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

Love Seeks Not Her Own

Charity..."seeketh not her own..." I Corinthians 13:5

Our dog, Jasmine, turned a year old this spring. Before her, we had a sweet, old dog named Bizmark. Where Jasmine is all about fun, Bizmark was all about loyally guarding and lending an empathetic ear—well, that is how we choose to remember him.

We tend to give dogs high regard for their faithfulness, their loyalty, and their friendship. In truth, they are all about themselves. I love dogs, and I confess, much prefer their company to some people's company (dogs are less judgmental), but truth is, they're all about themselves.

Jasmine loves grand adventures and can’t resist the great temptation the front door (rather the world outside the front door) presents. She whines and howls and paces when we enter or exit the house. She even breaks the "no dog on the couches" rule. You might mistake her antics as missing us or worrying about where we are. Boy is that wrong.

First chance Jasmine gets, she bolts out the front door, smiling face, tail straight out and ring like a crazed lunatic from house to house, through flowerbeds, greeting each neighbor’s dog, and dodging cars, kids, and anyone who threatens to stop her.

No, all that whining in the house had nothing to do with missing us and everything to do with her love of adventure.

We go after her whistling and calling, and what does she do? She plays the Gingerbread Boy Game, "Catch me if you can." She runs straight at us and between our legs and the expression on her face is one of pure ecstasy. Oh she's having fun. Then like lightning, she's down the street at the next neighbor's house and stops. She looks over her shoulder and laughs...well, that's what it seems like. As soon as we get close enough to grab her collar she streaks by us with her tail straight out, a taunting flag of victory.

Eventually she tires (after we've wasted precious minutes and experienced embarrassing nose dives) and allows us to capture her.

No. I'm quite certain that Jasmine does not love us...at least not when a good chase can be had.
I confess that I too can fake a great concern for someone with a motivation to obtain what I want. Come on now, you've done it too. We all have plural motives. Sometimes we help someone to have a good standing with God or our church, sometimes to get attention, and sometimes we help someone so that he will owe us later.

But true love, a Christ-like love, will not go through life seeking to satisfy her own desires.

God didn't need to create us with a will. He didn't need us at all. But He did for His glory and His good pleasure—and then we let Him down.

The sin in our life is repulsive to Him, yet He seeks us out. Have you ever lied? Read Proverbs 6:16-19.

These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Everyone has told a lie at some time in his life. Therefore, everyone has done abominable things.
Did you know that liars are destined for the lake of fire? Read Revelations 21:8.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

Now picture God agonizing over the thought that you are going to be in that lake of fire. Because He loves you, He doesn't want that for you. He's going to do all He can to rescue you. So He comes down to earth as Jesus Christ, endures all sorts of hardships, and ultimately submits Himself as the perfect sacrifice on the cross, dying for your sins.

He didn't have to do it. No one could make Him, but He chose to because He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked (yup, that's you and me). Ezekiel 33:11

...I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live...

Can you beat that for love? God didn't seek His own. He could have destroyed us and created a new being to worship Him (He has the angels, after all). We don't deserve to live, but He gave up Heaven, and chose to suffer and die just for us. Indeed, He has shown us what true love is.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lynn Squire loves the Lord, loves her husband, and loves her three children. When she's not serving her church or serving her family, she writes. Her book, Joab's Fire, is now available on Amazon.com. You can read more of her work at www.PresentingBiblicalTruths.com.

Red Hot Reasons to Praise

Our country is facing a time of economic crisis that have left many families in the red. We are one of them- faithful believers, tithers, Christians pressing towards the mark. We've come to know that struggles have no respect of persons, or saints. We find ourselves in this red place in our finances that stabs at our faith. The heat of loss burns bright.

The red place can deplete you. It will lock your lips to laughter, trepidation begins to pulse close to the heart. While I sat in the pew Sunday offering praises up to the Lord, I felt His presence pour over me, a molten lava of assurance. Hebrews 13:15 is our call to worship. A helpful reminder that filled up my red place. I saw Him sitting higher than the mountain top of my troubles. I heard He speak louder than thunder of my turmoil.

The red place may be familiar. Many have traveled here in the early years of marriage, traversing through the rugged terrain of insecurities. The families that shaped us found their home in this place many times in one's childhood. One day a red place will find my children, and I want them to remember how to stand the heat. I want their minds to wander back to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

The red place teaches. Our weaknesses become naked before the Master. He shines his light on our frailty, and He reminds us that in Him we live, we move, we find our very being. Christ's sovereignty flows in our red place- He allows us to feel the depth, height, breadth of His love.

The red place equips. The hard truth is the heat perfects us, the burn scorches until the moment that our countenance reflects Christ. It applies an eternal luster to our life so that others may see Christ living inside of us.

Tomorrow I may still be in the red. And the day after that.

But, I'm still here. Because Christ's red blood still has its power!

Did you know the red place is part of God's plan? What will you do with your problems- praise or pout?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR- Tamika Eason is a wife, writer, mother to three daughters, and servant. She remains in awe that despite her fallibility God would choose her to choose Him. She and her husband are dedicated to the ministry of their church in Austin, Texas. You can find her scribbling about the writing journey at her blog http://www.thewriteworship.blogspot.com/.

What Good Are You?

Several years ago, my husband Michael and I accepted an invitation to speak at a distant church—or, rather, Michael accepted the invitation. The pastor made it plain that no woman would speak from the pulpit there, but he was sure they could find something for me to do. It was mission offering season, and we had recently returned from missionary service in Brazil. Invitations were frequent, and we had learned to go with the flow, with the hope that God would speak through our experiences, whatever the audience and whatever the environment.

We arrived early that morning of the mission service. The pastor met us in the parking lot and pulled us into his office. Handing over a copy of the church bulletin, he went over the order of service, pointing to the spot where he would introduce Michael.

Then he turned to me.

“I thought you could sing the solo this morning,” he said.

I shook my head in horror. “I don’t sing solos, but I can certainly add a voice to your congregational singing.”

He paused. “How about piano?”

I shrugged and shook my head again. “I’m really sorry. I don’t play at all.”

He tilted his head and looked at me. “Then what good are you?” He laughed heartily at his joke and got back to the business at hand. As it turned out, I sat on the front row during the service and supported my husband in prayer.

I’ve found that being a ministry partner can be a challenge in so many different ways. True, it is my husband who is ordained, while my role is in support of his, but I’m no less called to God’s service. While others may not understand that point, my Lord does. He called me to be faithful, and He provides opportunities all the time to use my talents for Him.

That said, it’s also hard for me to say no. Need someone to teach? I’ll volunteer. Serve on a board? That’s me. At times I get over scheduled and drained, but God always provides a chance for me to drink the cool, clean waters of renewal. Sometimes I have to make a conscious step back, and sometimes He provides it in unexpected ways.

At a time when I was greatly discouraged, I received a prayer letter from a woman with the same birthday as me. She assured me that she would be praying specifically for me all day on August 17th. Missionaries get those letters all the time, so I put the letter aside with the intention of writing my thanks later. I forgot about it. Several weeks later—on my birthday, I felt God’s presence more keenly than I had in a long while. I finished the day renewed and refreshed. It was only when I went to bed that it occurred to me that the encouragement had come from that lady’s petitions on my behalf.

The key to a ministry of any type is God’s call and a willing heart. That’s what I would say to that pastor if he asked me what good I am today. I can picture the conversation in my mind.

“Then what good are you?” he laughs.

“I’m no good at all by myself,” I would reply. “It’s the spirit of the Lord that flows through me that gives me worth.”




ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathie Chute served as a Southern Baptist missionary for 14 years—first in Brazil, then in Asia and the Pacific. She and her husband are professors at Union University in Jackson, Tenn. and consider work with students their ministry.  

Praise Him Anyway

Today, there's a part of me - a great big part of me - that wants to complain. I can see where God has made provision in order to deal with an issue in my life. But instead of staying "thanks" for that, I really want to know why he didn't just eradicate the issue so that my family wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

So today, I have a choice to make. I can rejoice in the blessings I have and the provision I see ahead. Or, I can grumble and complain because everything isn't exactly how I want it to be.

The Children of Israel faced the same dilemma over and over again. The entire journey out of Egypt and to the Promised Land is filled with their tug-of-war:

"Hallelujah! God has saved us!"

"Why did he bring us out to the desert to die? We'd be better off in Egypt, where they beat us bloody, but at least there was food."

"Yippee, God saved us! We'll never doubt again!"

"Hey, anybody else think it's weird that Moses is still gone? Let's build an idol!"

And so on. It's human nature to rejoice in the good times and doubt God when things head south. Which brings me back to my choice. Today, I am choosing to praise God anyway, even though there's a great, big, icky circumstance that has to be faced. I'd like to say I'm strong enough not to waver in my choice, but I know I'm not. So I'm holding on to something the Children of Israel sang in one of their better moments.

The LORD is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation;

He is my God, and I will praise Him;

My father’s God, and I will exalt Him!

Exodus 15:2, NLT

No matter what, he's my God. He's my salvation. I will exalt him. Like the sunflower in the picture above, battered by the wind and a little worse for wear, I'm going to raise my head and praise him.

No matter what.





ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/

The Power of "I Can't"

We sometimes tend to think we know all we need to know to answer these kinds of questions--but sometimes our humble hearts can help us more than our proud minds. We never really know enough until we recognize that God alone knows it all.

(1 Corinthians 8:2-3, MSG)

Let's be honest. Our culture today worships the individual who succeeds. We hold up as our role models those who are tough, who fight through adversity and come out on the other side, those who know the most and do the most. It's an intimidating culture to marinate in.

We have been told almost from birth that any situation you face should be met with a "can do" spirit. "I Can" is verily tattooed to our birth certificates before we exit the hospital.

In schools, administrators busily design programs that foster "self-reliance" and "self-respect." They teach children to believe in themselves and work toward their goals.

I suppose from a worldly perspective that's about all we could ever hope for. After all, without God, who else are you going to rely on? There is a song that talks about no one is going to have your back when you fall. That's the juice we are all steeped in. We hear it in commercials and on the radio. We even hear it from each other.

"It's okay. You can do this. I know you can."

But here's the thing: None of this is Biblical. None of it is based on a relationship with God. It is all based in self, which ultimately is the very sin Adam and Eve got thrown out of the garden for committing.

So I invite you for a moment to take a good, hard look at these messages that sound so good and so right, and see them for what they are: lies of the Enemy.

That may sound harsh, but speaking as someone who practically gorged herself on this kind of thinking for 35 years, I can tell you that this way of thinking is not just sin--it is deadly. When you rely on yourself, what happens when you are weak? What happens when your doubt overtakes your faith? What happens when you're walking on water with a friend who really needs you, and you suddenly sense that you can't do this?

I've felt the panic that rises at this very thought. I have fought it. I have tried to shout it down with platitudes and positive thoughts, but the sad truth is, on my own I'm not capable of handling the depth of brokenness in this world. Sometimes I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I'm swimming and swimming, but I sense that at any moment I'm going under with no way to find up again.

That's often what happens when God puts you out into deep water with the emotional issues of others--family, friends, those we work with, our children, and spouses. There is a depth to the need that none of us can quite meet. No matter how much we want to. No matter how much we try. We simply can't because as humans we are limited. We have limited understanding, limited wisdom, limited patience, limited everything.

But here's a secret that Satan never wanted you to hear. When you think you can't, you're right. Now that doesn't give you license to give up. It is, instead, a call to stop trusting yourself and start trusting God.
Jesus is walking on that water with you, and He knows you can't. He never meant for you to.

I know, that's radically new thinking, but it's true. God knows you are human. He knows you don't have all of the answers. He doesn't expect you to. What He wants is for every one of these occasions of "I can't" panic to be cause for you to call out to Him, to ask Him into the situation, to reach for His help, His love, His strength, His wisdom, His peace. He wants nothing more than to come to your assistance, but you have to recognize your own need for Him and make the choice to ask.

There is power--God's power--waiting in the words "I can't" so long as they are followed by, "but He can." Rest in that power. Reach for that power. For He is always right there ready to do what you can't.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

Author Lynne Gentry - How Real Life Challenges Fueled Her Debut Novel

A big welcome to today's guest, pastor's wife and debut novelist Lynne Gentry!

Living in the parsonage is not for sissies. Everywhere the pastor’s wife turns, church members have their noses plastered against the glass walls of her life. This constant scrutiny threatened to do me in until I stumbled upon an important truth: If people can see in, I can see out.

Shifting my focus outward gave my struggles a whole new perspective. A hurting world waited for someone to touch them with the love of Christ right outside my window. For example, one year three women in our congregation lost their husbands. I watched as two of these women regrouped, rebuilt, and reinvented their lives. But one of the windows shriveled up and died in a nursing home. Observing their struggles caused me to ask, what would I do if tragedy struck me? Do I have the spiritual chops to pick myself up and start over? Could I trust God to lead me through a dark valley?

Fear that I would fail a similar spiritual test lingered in the back of my mind.

Then I attended a writer’s class that encouraged us to write about our deepest fears. I wanted to write something funny, and frankly, writing about something that scared me to death didn’t sound fun let alone funny. But God used this story, Reinventing Leona, to teach me to trust, and in the process He prepared me for a devastating turn of events that would either make or break me in 2009. Not the death of my husband, but something humiliating … the dismissal from the church we served.

I’m happy to say, I’m coming out of that deep grief a reinvented woman, one who daily rejoices in the faithfulness of God.

According to Ephesians 4:20-25 Christ gives us the power to daily slough off our old selves … the self mired in fear, mistakes, and regret … and become a creature remade in His glorious light.

The process is painful, but the results are worth every laborious step. Let God remake you. The rejoicing is sweet.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lynne Gentry knew marrying a preacher might change her plans. She didn’t know how ministry would change her life. This author of numerous short stories and dramatic works travels the country as a professional acting coach and inspirational speaker. Lynne lives in Dallas with her husband Lonnie and counts spending time with her two grown children and their families her greatest joy. You can find out more about Lynne and her writing at http://www.lynnegentry.com/

ABOUT THE BOOK - Reinventing Leona
Leona Harper loves being a pastor's wife. Her impressive resume touts thirty years of coaxing hot water from rusty parsonage plumbing, planning church potlucks, and standing beside her husband while members take potshots at his sermons. Except for the little tiff with her grown children, Leona feels her life is right on track with the wishes of the Almighty...until her husband drops dead in the pulpit.

When the church board decides to fill the Reverend's vacated position Leona is forced to find a paying job, mend her fractured family, and tackle her fears. With life spiraling out of control, Leona might find the church members antics comical if she weren't so completely panicked. Can the faith of an overwhelmed widow withstand the added heartache of two resentful children and several underhanded church members? If Leona can't trust God, how will she learn to trust herself?


As one of the five titles in the launch of Tyndale House's Digital First Initiative, Reinventing Leona is available exclusively as an ebook. You can purchase it through Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, ChristianBoook.com, Mobipocket, and iTunes.

Raising Healthy, Whole PKs Part II: Realistic Expectations

In my last blog in my Parenting PKs series, I talked about making sure our walk and talk is the same in the pulpit, at Bible Study and at church as it is at home. Blog reader TiAnna raised a good question as to how to address when we have been a less than exemplar model in our walk. Being a Christian parent doesn’t require us to be perfect, which is great because none of us could achieve that. However, how we handle our sin and failures also can be a teaching moment for our children. This week, I want to discuss my second point in this series:

Don’t have different expectations of your children because of their father’s profession.

My husband and I agree: our kids should be kids. We do expect them to be respectful to us, to each other and others. They should also be obedient. But, that would be the same expectation if my husband were the UPS driver, mail carrier, or, a doctor. My sleepy, cranky, then-toddler daughter would not behave any different than anyone else’s sleepy cranky toddler, nor would I expect her to do so.

I also don’t expect my children to be at the church every time the doors open. Yes! They will participate in children and youth ministries of the church, but they will also have a life and friends outside of our church. As a pastor’s wife, church is certainly a major part of my life, but I have been intentional about cultivating interests, activities, and friends outside of my church. I believe this is equally important for my girls.

Interestingly, my soon-to-be-“Tween” has been in a season of expressing that she doesn’t want to do much nowadays—she doesn’t want to sing in the choir; she doesn’t want to go to children’s bible study; she doesn’t want to usher. It finally dawned on me to ask her why, especially since she has long enjoyed participating in church activities. Her answers were informative. She told me:

• In children and youth Bible Study, the ages of 5-12 were together. That is a large developmental span, and she was bored. She said, “They are learning the books of the Bible. I already know that.”
• In the children’s choir, “They don’t sing ‘real’ songs.” In other words, not real gospel songs on the radio—they are songs especially for children’s choirs.
• Her feet hurt when she ushers.

My solution to hurt feet was “wear some comfortable shoes.” The other two issues were insightful regarding her lack of interest. To some degree, I understand this is part of the tween stage—too old for the younger children, but not a teenager, yet. This could be useful feedback for the children and youth ministry as our church grows and develops. So, what is a mother to do? Allow her to make the choice not to sing or go to Bible Study? Not at all. She will do both as we are called to serve outside of the church, but also inside as well. But, at least now that I understand her non-interest, I can demonstrate that I heard her issue and affirm her observation as I send her to the choir stand. It’s the same choice I would make if she were not the pastor’s daughter. Kids need to be heard, but they also need guidance. Since her life, activities and friends are more than our church now, hopefully that balances out this season of non-interest. In my next post, I will talk about how we should handle expectations imposed by others.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr., pastor of the Watts Chapel Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC.

First comes love

by Niki Turner

This will be my first official post at TPWS as a former pastor's wife.

After thirteen years of ministry, my husband officially passed the leadership baton two weeks ago. Yes, crazy as it sounds, we'll still attend the same church. The couple we handed the pastoral duties to are very good friends who helped us plant the church back in 1998. We're thrilled to be able to turn over our "baby" to a couple we trust, who know our hearts, and who have a vision to reach the lost. 

We're also thrilled to relinquish the responsibility, the obligations, and the social expectations that 

fall upon ministers. It's funny, suddenly the idea of inviting someone to church seems incredibly easy, now that I'm not inviting them to hear MY husband!

So I'm not a pastor's wife anymore, but I'm still a wife, and that brings me to the subject of today's Marriage Monday post. 

Remember the teasing rhyme from grammar school:

So-and-so and so-and-so,
Sittin' in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in a baby carriage.

That childish rhyme describes a general progression of where we put our attention and effort in our relationships. First, we fall in love ... pitter-patter goes my heart and all that. Love naturally (in God's view, anyway) leads to marriage. 

photo by Patrick Q

via PhotoRee

photo by Patrick Q

 via PhotoRee

After the wedding, we turn our focus to marriage, to being married and what it means to be a good wife or a good husband. Right from the first card addressed to Mr. and Mrs. _______________ our identity changes, our expectations for ourselves and for the man we married change, sometimes drastically. I went from being a house slob to being a neat freak. Suddenly, I was compelled by some inner urgency to cook dinner every night!

Then comes baby, sooner or later. Yet another huge shift in our identity occurs when we enter parenthood, as well as a shift in how and where we focus our attention. Babies and children - even grown children - demand our time and our energy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In the days when I had three toddlers at home, my husband (who got to "escape" to work everyday) didn't understand why I was so exhausted when he came home, or why I didn't have any affection or attention leftover for him.

It's not uncommon for wives to complain that hubby was romantic and sweet and considerate until the ink dried on the marriage license. It's not uncommon for husbands to complain that they don't get any attention after the children come into the household. It's also not uncommon for couples who are committed to marriage and family to have their children go away to college or to a job and the couple finds themselves staring at each other across the breakfast table, wondering who this person is and what on earth they are doing together.

What happens? We let marriage trump love and babies trump marriage. We forget what always has to come first ... love.

Are you "in love" with your husband?

If the answer is not an immediate "yes," it's entirely possible you've laid aside what came first, allowing marriage and parenthood to trump love, and that's not good. It's time to take a refresher course in Spouse 101. 

No, it doesn't require expensive dates or even hiring a sitter. It requires you to engage your brain and stir up all those reasons you fell in love with that man. The feelings, the attraction, the appeal, that led to the K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the first place.

via PhotoRee

photo by Jeff the Trojan

Even if everything is great and grand (which we hope and pray that it is!) taking a few moments to remember who you fell in love with and why you fell in love with him is a valuable investment to make in your relationship. That "falling in love" feeling is the stuff of romance novels. It drives songs to the No.1 spot on the music charts and turns movies into box office hits.

You, blessed one, have already experienced it firsthand. Don't let that experience dry into dust and be blown away by the winds of circumstance. Nourish and cherish those feelings of love and watch them grow. Remember, first comes love!

Talking to Mountains

I have a new favorite preacher. He comes on on Sunday morning when I'm getting ready for church. I can get more out of listening to him for three minutes than I get out of most in 30. I'm constantly going, "Man, that's good. I've got to write that down!"

One of the latest revelations from one of his sermons was this: In the verse, "If you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Be thou removed and be cast into the sea,' and it would obey you..." Listen to that! God says we can talk to mountains and command them to move. I've heard this verse many times before, but when Dr. Simpson said, "Understand, in this situation, somebody is talking to somebody," I stopped like slamming on the brakes. "You see, either you are talking TO the mountain, or the mountain will be talking to YOU, but somebody will be doing some talking!"

I'd never thought about it quite like that before, but think for a minute about the attributes of a "mountain." It's BIG for one. Also, we don't normally think of mountains as being on wheels--i.e. they are tough if not impossible to move. Finally, mountains are just "there." They don't seem capable of listening or even caring what we think. They simply stare down at us, proving our smallness to all the world.

Dr. Simpson went on to this effect: You have your own mountains, and you hear them talking. Maybe it's in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. They are talking--telling you that you can't handle this, you are not strong enough to cope with this, that THIS is something you can't ever fix or find a solution for. That mountain continually taunts you to believe in your smallness. In short it says, "This is too big for you."

Oh, it's a mountain all right.

I don't know what your mountain is. It might be a financial mountain of debt. It might be a mountain of health problems or social problems. Your family might be your mountain or your lack of faith. Your mountain might be going back to school or deciding to stay home and raise your kids. It might be a friend or former friend. It might be someone who's hurt you terribly. It might even be a dream you thought you had to have but is now slipping from your grasp.

Or maybe it's another kind of mountain--drugs or alcohol, a habit you simply cannot break, a love you can't let go of even though you know it's killing you. Maybe your mountain is your spouse or your children. Maybe it's yourself.

Whatever your mountain is, I'm quite sure you know its voice well. "You can't..." "What's wrong with you..." "Why does this work out for everyone else but never for me..." "Why me...?" "This isn't fair..." "It's just not right..." "If only..."

You've heard your mountain's voice. There's almost no doubt about that. In fact, you may know it by heart. The question is: Has that mountain heard YOUR voice, or even better GOD'S voice?

In order to talk to your mountain, you need some words from The Word--yes, that means The Bible, but it also means The Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. In other words, you need to start hearing the words of Jesus, spoken into your life on a continual basis, so you will learn how to TELL that mountain to move!

"Mountain, you do not control me because although compared with me, you may be big, compared with my GOD, you are nothing but a grain of dust. Understand me. I am now giving you to my God (that's the having the faith of a mustard seed part--not trying to deal with this on your own, but learning to give those mountains in your life over to God and His wisdom). I am putting you in God's hands. I am trusting in God's love for me more than in the illusion of your power over me. God, please break the illusion of power that this mountain tries to exert in my life. Set me free..."

Talk to that mountain. Talk TO that mountain.

And it will be cast into the sea.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

On a WHIM: A Word Fitly Spoken

A pastor's wife named Jan shared with me an excellent illustration. She suggested I take a tube of toothpaste, and squeeze out all of the toothpaste. Then, she asked me to try to put the toothpaste back into the tube. No matter how I stuffed and crammed and coerced the paste, it was almost impossible to fill the tube back up. Then she said this is just like our words, they might come out of our mouth effortlessly, but trying to get them back is futile. What an illustration!

             

Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Then I read in the New Testament, Colossians 4:6 "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

             

It is constantly a challenge to keep my words in check. I know they can cause more damage than my fists. The childhood saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is just not true. Words hurt. Words destroy. But, the right words can encourage and bless. My desire is to know my words are pleasing to God and helpful to mankind.

             

One way I can ensure my words are fitly spoken is to make sure my heart is right. Matthew 15:18 says, "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart;" Hebrews tells me that the Word of God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of my heart. So, I must go to the Bible to prepare my heart in order to know that I have no regrets when I speak.

            

 I have not attained victory in this area, but I have seen progress. If my words are like a feather pillow, I want to have the assurance that when that pillow is emptied into the wind, I have no fear as to wear those feathers will float and land. Much better to have that peace of mind, than to imagine me scrambling to pick up the feathers before someone else picks them up. By then, the damage is done.

             

Want to have words that help rather than words that hurt? Start with the heart!

Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter

Kathy's known for her practical and humorous messages full of hope and insight. Kathy enjoys fiddling with words as: writer, publicist and writer’s coach at Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. She serves on faculty with CLASSeminars, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and others. Kathy shines, whether she’s shining the light on God’s writers and speakers, or reflecting God’s light during her programs. She served in full-time local church ministry with her husband for over twenty-five years.

KATHY CARLTON WILLIS
Kathy Carlton Willis gets jazzed speaking cross-country for women’s events and writers’ conferences.

PERSONAL BLOG: http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com

PROFESSIONAL BLOG: http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com/

WEB: http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Kathy speaks on a variety of subjects. Request a brochure like this one: http://bit.ly/b7KOXa

Do Pastors and Their Wives Fight?

The Brouhaha Twins

When we got married over thirty years ago, we were stupid. We both thought the other was faultless. Then we went on our honeymoon and got in our first fight. Seems we had differing opinions on how to rehearse a song (can you believe we practiced singing on our honeymoon? I told you we were stupid!). Since then it’s been one brouhaha after another.

In fact, “brouhaha” has become one of our favorite words. According to some overweight book we have, it means “to dramatize; to throw a conniption fit over things inconsequential,” or something like that. If I could find the book, I’d quote it verbatim, but I’ll save the topic of clutter for a future article.

We do not plan our brouhahas; they sneak up like a ‘taxes due’ reminder. We’ve gotten upset over spaghetti sauce that someone thought was too thick, how close to have the oven rack while broiling chicken, and the proper way to rake leaves.

You can see what important issues we argue about: politics, spiritual matters and the economy rarely merit a brouhaha. But, spaghetti sauce and chicken chests…

It took me six weeks to discover why this is happening: we are studying ‘How to live in Peace’ in our ladies’ Sunday School class. I have a feeling I’m not getting the highest grade in the class. And I’m the teacher.

Have you noticed that you will be tested in whatever area of spiritual growth you’re focusing on?
Yes, it’s painful to see that pride. But if we don’t, it continues to hide, keeping us from the intimacy with God we long for. When we acknowledge our immaturity, He sets us free by His gracious Holy Spirit.
Say, would you like to come over for some spaghetti this weekend? We will be making two kinds of sauce…

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A spunky, sometimes reluctant pastor’s wife of thirty-six years, Jeanette Levellie has published articles, greeting card verses, stories and calendar poems. She authors a bi-weekly humor/inspirational column in her local newspaper, and enjoys speaking to church and civic groups, offering hope and humor in every message. She is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to several cats. Find her blog, On Wings of Mirth and Worth, at http://jeanettelevellie.blogspot.com/

Thank God for our Freedom

PROCLAIM LIBERTY THROUGHOUT ALL THE LAND

UNTO ALL THE INHABITANTS THEREOF

Leviticus 25:10

Inscribed on the Liberty Bell

May you be blessed this Independence Day!

Step Outside

Today's post is from new contributor, Staci Stallings.

It’s truly amazing to me how God puts certain understandings in my path. I think I see clearly what He’s doing, what He’s done, and then click a new piece falls in and “Wow!”

Sometimes, there just is no other word for it.

In a sermon today, Dr. Lee A. Simpson related the story of Abram. This was a man who God had given a promise to. God’s promise was that Abram would be the father of many nations, but as Abram got older, he looked around, and this thing that God had promised just was not happening. And Abram began to question God and question the promise. It began to look to Abram like God just didn’t know or understand how things worked down here on Earth.

So Abram went into his tent, and he started praying and explaining to God that youth had passed him by. He was no longer a young man. In fact, he was old, and so was his wife, and this whole father of nations business was just not happening the way Abram had thought it would when God promised him this.
How many of you have been there? I know I have. “God, I thought You were going to use my writing to touch other people’s lives. What’s up with that? I feel like I sit here and I do all of this stuff, and what’s it even doing? Is it helping anybody? Because frankly I don’t see it. I don’t see Your plan. I don’t see You in this like I thought I would.”

Then (I love this), God said two words to Abram. “Step outside.”

You see, Abram was in his tent, he was in his own little world. In that tent he was safe. He probably had his bowl right by his favorite mat—you know like that glass you have right by your favorite chair. He probably had all of his little knick-knacks just so and his schedule down pat. And then God came and said, “Step outside.”

God tells all of us, "Step outside YOUR comfort zone. Step outside YOUR plans. Step outside what YOU think is possible, and when you do, you will step into MY world."

As Abram came out of that tent of his own limited experiences, his own limited vision, his own limited perspective, he saw the stars above him, and God said, “Count them.”

Understand, Abram had been used to praying in his tent. What had he been counting there? Tent wires? He didn’t think about what was outside because from inside his tent, he couldn't see outside. So the stars outside that tent were amazing to behold. “Lord, if I could count them, they would number as the stars.”
The lesson then went on that God wanted Abram not to just count the stars that he could see but those that he couldn't see as well. The truth is there are so many more stars than even the ones we can see. As Dr. Simpson says, “Count the stars you can see, and the ones you can only imagine…”

Ah, that’s beautiful. Count the stars you can only imagine.

So my question to you is, are you inside that tent? Are you comfortable where you are in the knowledge that you have, or are you ready to come when God calls you to step outside?

When you do, I challenge you to count the stars—your blessings, those things God has put into your life to bring His light and His love to a darkened world through you. And then, breathe, and begin to also count the stars that you cannot see.

Step outside… You will be amazed!

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

New Stuff for a New Blog Year

Happy July, ladies! In case you didn't notice, June was a particularly light posting time here on the old blog. Summer busyness caught up with many of us, but we've got it all worked out.

Rather than trying to have posts every day (which hardly ever works) we will have posts on Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays and Sundays, with the occasional author guest post on Thursdays. I think this new schedule will work well for the priceless women who write and share their hearts, as well as all you beautiful readers.

Many thanks to everyone who sent in suggestions on how to make the blog better. As promised, one lucky gal gets to win a prize. And she is... mommagracejonesthoughts! Grace, please email me at jallee725[at]hotmail[dot]com and I'll send you a list of super-cool books to choose from.

And speaking of giving things away... our birthday is coming up. Hard to believe, but this blog went live on August 9, 2010. The first post was Niki Turner's Forks, Dinglehoppers, and Pastor's Wives. (If you haven't read it, check it out.) I think that deserves a celebration, don't you? At the end of July, the party begins. There will be special posts and giveaways. Stay tuned for more details!




ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/