Words

My best friend had ovarian cancer in high school. She battled for two years from the time she was 16 to the time she was 18 before finally being declared cancer free. Recently, we were watching TV together, and someone mentioned the word cancer. Since she was heavily into planning for the Relay for Life, a cancer fundraiser, that word stuck in my head.

Several nights later, I was at church, and the pastor made an off-handed comment about suicide. It wasn’t a direct thing, just something about how bleak our life would be without God. At that moment a new understanding dawned on me about the power of words, and in particular, our words.

You see, my older brother died last year at the age of 42. It wasn’t a car accident or cancer. He died by his own hand. Suicide. Ever since then, I’ve heard the word “suicide” very differently than I ever had before.

Not that it was not a scary word to me before. I've had several close friends go through times that brought them to the brink. So suicide has in my life vocabulary for a long time but not the way it is now.

Now, when I hear that word or references to it, it jars me like no other word out there. It makes me cringe and pray no one else around me had to hear it. In one second I can have a flood of memories and feelings come back to me—like that morning when I got the call, the house when I got there, the family, him lying in the coffin (that one I still have immense difficulty processing), and on and on. All of these are accompanied by the what now’s? With three children, what will he miss? How are they doing? How can I help in a situation that’s not fixable?

All of these and more come flooding back in with one heartbeat in the utterance of a single word.

The trouble is, I never know when this word is going to pop up and with it all the stuff it brings up as well.

Thinking about this later, that’s when I remembered my friend, and I started wondering if the word “cancer” does to her what the word “suicide” does to me. When she hears it, do all those memories come flooding back? Does she question why it was her and why then? Does she wonder why she made it back into the land of the living and others have not?

I suspect she does though I haven’t gotten the courage up to ask her yet.

Then I began thinking about other words and what they do to people. Words like: divorce and depression and overdose and alcohol or drugs. Maybe you know what I’m talking about. Maybe you know words that aren’t even on this list. Words like: miscarriage or unemployment. Words like: bankruptcy or accident.

What I want to say to all of those silently grieving or hurting over these words is, please know that you are not alone. Don’t think that you are the only one who processes these words so very differently than everyone else. You’re not.

But also please remember that there are others among you, others you might not even realize who are doing the same thing with the words you speak. It is impossible to know all the details or even the situations involved, but please be aware that your words have power. And being sensitive to them is a step in the right direction for us all.

What words stop you in your tracks with memories you thought were gone or healed? Maybe if we talk about those words, we can all become more conscious of them and other words like healing and help and love can begin to take over. The conversation has to start somewhere.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

God’s Abundant Mercy through Trials

How does man compare with God?

Man is a created being. God is eternal—He always was, and He always will be. He is the creator of all.

Man is limited. God is all knowing, all present, all powerful.

Man sins. God does not.

Psalm 139:1-5 says:

“O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.”

Each trial in our lives makes us more aware of who God is and who we are. We will never know God to the extent that He knows us. It’s just not possible.

When we humble ourselves and acknowledge God’s greatness, we can experience His tremendous mercy—a mercy that endures forever and in every situation.

Mercy demonstrates God’s zeal toward us, His desire to show us His love, even though we don’t deserve it. When we recognize that we are sinful creatures, born in sin, and of a sin nature, and when we recognize that God is holy and righteous, the fact of His mercy toward us is augmented. In this understanding of our nature and of His character we can see hardships as God’s mercy that drives us to repent (i.e. turn from our current way of thinking) and draw near to Him.

I Peter 1:8 says: “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”

Trials increase our faith in God.

Through Paul’s life he encountered people who wandered from their faith. Listen to what he tells Timothy in I Timothy 1:19-20:

“Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning fith have made shipwreck: of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme.”

Did Paul want those men to be destroyed? No. He wanted them to learn something important for their relationship with God…not to blaspheme.

Throughout the history of Israel, God allowed bad things to happen to them in order to bring them back to Him. He didn’t leave them to be destroyed. In His mercy He used whatever was necessary to bring them back to Him. That is love. That is mercy.

Let’s not forget, when we face trials, that we will see God’s mercy, if we turn to Him, if we keep our focus on Him.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lynn Squire loves the Lord, loves her husband, and loves her three children. When she's not serving her church or serving her family, she writes. Her book, Joab's Fire, is now available on Amazon.com. You can read more of her work at www.PresentingBiblicalTruths.com.

Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

This title dates me if you are a country music fan.

I’m not. Well, not anymore. To quote a friend of mine, “I had to stop listening to country music. My tear ducts were dry heaving!”

But there was a time when I two-stepped with the best and loved being whirled around a sawdust covered dance floor by any man who knew how to lead. It felt magical being perfectly in sync as he signaled a turn by the incline of his head or with a flick of his wrist. All I needed to do was follow.

When your heart breaks, every part of you is broken. And I was broken. I thought the solution was to find a special someone to soothe the sorrow and put me back together again just like the lyrics of a Country and Western tune.

A few months later I met my One True Love who did just that. His healing hand held mine. His tender words were a balm for my sorrow. His presence and His love for me healed my brokenness from the inside out. As I became whole, I no longer needed to look for love in all the wrong places, I’d found it with Jesus. I wasn’t always perfectly in sync with Him, but we were dancing the dance of faith.

My broken heart led me to the sin of idolatry. An Idol is anything we put in place of Jesus. First Corinthians 10:14(NIV) says, “Therefore dear friends, flee from idolatry.” The LORD made it clear in Exodus 20:3 (NIV) that He takes idolatry seriously. “You shall have no other gods before me,” He says, not as a suggestion but as a commandment.

And you know, I’d like to pat myself on the back and check that sin off my list, but recently I’ve noticed that there are still times I’m looking for love in all the wrong places. Oh, it is a faith based version of the sin of idolatry, but it still reeks. And still displeases God.

I’m active in my church. I am the Worship Leader married to the Youth Pastor who is also an Elder. I help with women’s events and facilitate a monthly book group. I’m involved with regional prayer ministry. I’m known as a go-to person to get things done around our church. And, here’s the catch—I like it.

Oh, I genuinely love to serve. I know that faith without works is dead. I have a heart to help others. I offer each week’s music to the Lord, but I bask in the glow of acceptance when someone tells me how much they enjoyed the music I chose.

That’s when it happens. Pride. Pleasure. The glow from the praise of men. And if I’m not very careful, I end up serving to be noticed instead of serving as unto the Lord. Just like whirling around that dance floor years ago, I’m looking for love and the praise of men.

It is hard in our positions within the church. We deal with so much criticism. There are so many needy people who expect us to have the answers. People who expect us to be perfect. Some of us work outside the home as well as keep the home fires burning. Some of us have young children with their own needs. We have husbands with busy schedules and events that we are expected to take part in. There are expectations placed on us that are difficult for any human woman to meet! It feels so good when we do get the praise of men! (And please know that I am not saying those around us shouldn’t appreciate what we do. They should. It is our response that changes it into idolatry. When we are serving for the praise instead of for the One who is worthy to be praised.)

There is only one answer. I must once again grasp my True Love’s hands and follow His footsteps. Read His Word. Listen to His voice. Remember that He loves me, just as I am. Even when I’m out of sync and step on His toe. My dance of faith is the only place to find True Love. It’s looking for love in the only place that matters.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kimberly Zweygardt is a Christ follower, wife, mother, writer, blogger, dramatist, worship leader, Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, a fused glass artist and a taker of naps. For more information: www.kimzweygardt.com

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

One of the really, totally cool things about hanging out with God is how often He brings multiple pieces from varying places together so that you KNOW He’s talking right to you. That actually happens to me a lot. I think many times people don’t “hear” God talking because they seem to think that He’s supposed to have a voice that speaks to you. Yes, sometimes that happens too, but far more often (for me at least) it’s a series of pieces that fit too well together for it to be anything but God trying to tell me something.

That was the case this weekend.

The theme of the pieces could be summed up in three words: faith and works.

Now we all know there is great discussion in the church about those two words—one without the other, the other without the one, in what order, how much, which is more important, which first and which second? I’ve felt for a long time that I understood the proper relationship, but I could never put it into words that expressed it very well. And then God started putting the pieces into place.

First came a short talk that I gave on Luke 8:48. Then Jesus said, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” I pointed out that in this verse, there are four words that crystallize the message. Faith, more specifically YOUR faith. To begin the process, God requires a very small amount of faith on your part. That faith may only be the size of a mustard seed, but YOU have to act on it. You have to take the first step to Him by applying that faith.

The next word is healed. When we come to Jesus through our miniscule amount of faith, He will bring us healing—emotional, mental, spiritual, and sometimes physical healing. When the healing has come, we are then at peace. Peace and healing go together. You do not have one without the other. If you are still in pain, it is nearly impossible to be at total peace. However, once you are completely healed, peace is the natural bi-product of that healing.

Finally, “Go.” When we find God’s healing and peace, it is natural for us to want to go out to our world and tell everyone about this wonderful thing He has done for us.
So that was the first piece.

Then this morning, the sermon centered around “stewardship” or how are you giving back to your Church and your world? The pastor said this, “The loudest testimony we have is not spoken but LIVED!”
Too often we know the talk backward and forward, but our walk is stumbling and hesitant. We proclaim one thing at the altar, but live something diametrically different when we walk out the door. In short, we have the faith part down, but our actions don’t follow the faith we profess.

Add to these pieces Dr. Lee A. Simpson this morning. He said that our Christian works should never be defined by “and”; our works should be defined by “because.”

We are not saved by Jesus dying on the cross AND our reading the Bible AND our good works AND our prayer life. We are saved by Jesus dying on the cross, and BECAUSE of that, we read the Bible and do good works and have a strong prayer life. Our works are a result of what Jesus did, not somehow a necessary addition to what He did.

This is a point I could really have used when I was younger. Back then, I was firmly in the AND column. I was doing, doing, doing because I had heard, “A tree is known by the fruit it produces” and “if a vine does not produce, it shall be cut away and thrown into the fire.” Man, I wanted to be known as a GOOD tree, and I did not want to be thrown into the fire. So I put A LOT of effort into producing good fruit so that I could prove to God I was worthy of Heaven.

Oh, how wrong I was. Wrong and EXHAUSTED.

I worked, and I worked, and I worked, and mostly all I felt was frustrated and tired and overwhelmed. I was trying to live the testimony of my Christian walk based on “and” not based on “because.”

I’m guessing by now, you’re starting to see the pieces fit together the way I did. This is not some random thing. No, God is showing me something truly incredible and meaningful, and He’s allowing me to pass what I’m learning on to you. Through this process, God is speaking to directly to me from many different sources—all with a unique angle on the same topic and then producing that fruit in my life so it can be used in yours.

All of this was great. Then my sister called. (You’ve really got to love God!) She was reading this book about leadership in the church, and one part she read to me said, “When our lives are all talk and no action, what our world hears from us is: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” (Maybe it’s me, but I think that’s another way to say: “The loudest testimony we have is not spoken but LIVED!”)

And then she finished with this question: “What would the world be like if we really lived the Gospel instead of just talking about it?”

Huh. Good question.

Maybe if we did learn to orient our works around because rather than and, and start living the Gospel we say we believe in… Maybe, just maybe, our world would hear more than blah, blah, blah, blah.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

Support Systems

“Get real!” Ally snorted. “Everyone’s entitled to have friends.”

Many years ago I sat with two other wives discussing our husband’s impending church appointments. In a recent lecture one of their seminary professors had said pastors and their wives must hold themselves apart from their church members in a way that would show impartiality in all relationships. Close friendships with specific individuals would lead to the perception that we favoured certain members of the congregation over others, and that could risk alienating members.

“I know, Ally,” Rachelle said. “But Don says it’s because you can’t minister to people you’re too close to. It’s the reason medical doctors don’t treat family members, too. You have to keep some professional distance.”

The spinoff question I’d been nursing was, who ministers to ministers? Who do ministers and their families turn to in times of personal crises? Goodness knows, manse families aren’t immune to illness, discord and stress. While there will be strong spiritual resources in place, sometimes we need a physical sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, or a hug of reassurance. If the source of the problem is a churlish member or an unpopular decision made by a presbytery, bishop or church council, it would be unprofessional to mutter to other church members, as willing as they might be to listen.

Everyone needs some kind of support system… perhaps ministers and their families more than most. In three of our congregations the elders appointed a pastoral support committee who met informally with us to discuss how things were going. It worked well for my husband, but not so much for me. I’m a very private person and there were just some things I couldn’t share with committees, however caring they were. Many things are shared between husbands and wives, but sometimes there is value in moving beyond the family. I need the comfort of a BFF”.

The Best Friend we can have is our Lord and Saviour… the one who knows us better than we know ourselves, and to whom we can confide our innermost thoughts. The words of the old hymn tumble through my head: “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bare.” But there is a place in our lives for other friends, too.

When we’re immersed in the life and work of our churches to the exclusion of all other interests not related to spiritual matters, we stifle our ability to relate to people within the larger community – even to do effective outreach. Finding friends in activities beyond the walls of our church is a way of satisfying both needs.

What worked for me? I raise and train purebred dogs, so I became involved in the local kennel club and accepted a position on the board of the S.P.C.A. I took night school classes in painting and bookkeeping, then made use of my skills by working summers in a craft co-op. I didn’t choose to flash my faith in these activities, nor did I set out to “make” friends, but I found several.

Friendship isn’t something that we make happen. Friendship happens when we put ourselves in situations that provide opportunities to meet and interact with others of similar interests. If given the chance, friendships can develop with people outside our congregation. As long as we don’t flaunt our relationships and make others feel snubbed or excluded, friendships may also develop with people who share our church work and worship.

All those years ago Ally was right. Everyone needs friends – people who contribute to the support system that helps keep our life journey on an even path.

Where do your closest relationships come from? Who do you find it easiest to talk to when a confidant is desired?

*Best Friend Forever


~ ~ ~
“Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart.” [Proverbs 27: 9 AMP]

~ ~ ~

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carol J. Garvin is the wife of a retired Presbyterian pastor, mother of four and grandmother to several more. Her life has been a wonderful mixture of school teaching, church and family activities, owning a professional dog show business, and freelance writing. She and her husband live in a rural suburb of Vancouver, Canada.

Blog: http://careann.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/mBj1F7
Twitter: @caroljgarvin

A Love that Lasts

The idea of falling in love always fascinated me. From the little girl aching to be nestled in my father's arms, to the troubled twenty something woman waking up alone, and lonely.

Now, almost ten years since Christ came into my life I've fallen in love. It almost feels like Christmas morning, full of presents wrapped and waiting. You never know what special surprise will rise with each new day. I believe this is what Christ wants for us, His children- something new every day.

21This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

We've fallen in step with a society that is plagued with want. More this. More that. A new need is waiting around every corner. Discontentment steals the place of passion. These days there is a story for every struggle, and more and more endings are filled with loss rather than love. That is why this passage from Lamentations 3 stays pressed in my mind- we have this hope in Christ that His love is new every morning.

See, I have this secret. I love falling in love. It may sound strange, but its true. At first, I was romanced by the idea of love. Someone spending every last dime on making me smile. Then slowly, over time and through meaningful relationships the tables turned. It became obvious that love was a gift, an undeserved guarantee with no strings attached.

Do you know what happens when you get a glimpse of real love?

Your mind moves. It pushes away from the pain of your past and sets you in heavenly places.You now have a Savior, a Creator that you can cast your cares on. Now there is a relationship that can blossom even in the cold of winter.

Do you know how love happens?

It stretches back to Calvary. To a rugged cross. To the weight of sins that belonged to you and me. Love didn't point the finger; love didn't condemn. Instead, Love stood like sheep before the shears. Through our relationships we see this marriage of grace and God manifested in the world around us.

If it helps to look at love like a big ball of colorful rubber bands. It's too hard to untangle, but it's beautiful to look at. Love expands and expresses itself in every hue of holiness. God gave us His love, and there are few things like it that will last forever.

Which do you enjoy most- the romance of love or the relationship of love? How do you strike the right balance?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR- Tamika Eason is a wife, writer, mother to three daughters, and servant. She remains in awe that despite her fallibility God would choose her to choose Him. She and her husband are dedicated to the ministry of their church in Austin, Texas. You can find her scribbling about the writing journey at her blog http://www.thewriteworship.blogspot.com/.

Are you using the right key?

 by Niki Turner

Ever use the wrong key to unlock a door? No matter how you wiggle and jiggle it, rattle the knob, or turn the key over, it just won't open. The new car keys with their automatic locks are even worse. It's embarrassing to stand in the parking lot at Walmart pushing the unlock button on your key fob to no avail, only to realize you're standing by the wrong car. Oops.

Hearts are the same way. Each heart has its own set of keys that unlock its capacity to receive love. Use the wrong key, nothing happens.

The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman outlines five different "languages" with which we communicate our love for others: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts. Depending on your upbringing and your personality, you're probably more fluent in one love language than any of the others.

Just to use a different analogy, let's think of the languages today as keys. Certain keys -- a hug (physical touch), or a compliment (words of affirmation) -- might make you feel loved and appreciated, while someone who wants to be in your presence for hours at a time (quality time) just makes you feel irritable, used, or manipulated.

Now put yourself in the other person's position. You love them. You want them to know it. So you yank out your favorite key ... but they don't respond at all like you thought they would. Instead of being delighted by the expensive gift you bought, they are upset about the frivolous waste of money. Instead of glowing over the fact you cleaned out the attic or did some other task for them, they mutter 'thanks' and go on about their day. Rejected, your little heart key clatters to the ground with a metallic jingle.

It's relatively easy to identify our own keys. It's a little more challenging to recognize someone else's keys, and learning to use an unfamiliar key can feel awkward and strange, but God, who is love, is the skeleton key -- the one that can unlock any lock.
If you're struggling to demonstrate love to someone in a way he or she can receive, ask the Lord to show you which key to use to unlock his or her heart. The reward will be well worth the effort!

Niki Turner is feeling her way through a new season of living. She turned 40 last year, became a grandma in April 2011, and at the end of June, she and her husband turned over the pastorate of the church they planted 13 years ago and are "recovering from the effects of heat" while God prepares them for their next assignment.

Are You Willing to Sacrifice to Disciple a New Believer?

“Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

Paul preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the region of Galatia, but some people in Iconium determined to stone Paul and Barnabas. The two missionaries escaped to Lystra and Derbe. Jews from Antioch and Iconium stirred up the people of Lystra against Paul, and they stoned Paul, dragged him from the city, supposing that he was dead. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Paul didn’t stop. He stood, went into the city and the next day left for Derbe. Even more remarkable was his courage to return to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch in order to confirm "the souls of the disciples" (Acts 14:22). If I were him, I’m not sure I’d be able to…and yet, I must ask myself, where is my Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch? Where have I been mocked or scorned for what I believe? Am I willing to return in order to “confirm the souls” of those God reached through my testimony?

Paul put his life on the line for his disciples because he recognized that this wasn't a battle between flesh and blood. It wasn't a 'living' that was at stake. It wasn't home and riches or personal gain that he was concerned with. No, his concern was of far greater importance--the eternal souls of the Gentiles and the life walk of the believers.

He risked his life to ensure these disciples had what they needed to hold onto their faith. What were these things?

• The Holy Spirit;
• The Old Testament (the Scriptures);
• The memory of Paul and Barnabas' teachings;
• Elders appointed by Paul to help guide them;
• Epistles he would write;
• And more visits from him.

When we disciple someone, are we willing to put our life on the line for them? What must we sacrifice? Time? Money? Energy? Ambition? Perhaps even reputation or safety?

God provides the Holy Spirit for our disciples. We can get the Bible into their hands, but God also asks of us to teach those in our churches to observe all things that God commanded (Matthew 28:19-20). We must spend time with them, to guide and teach them. We need to help them develop the habit of attending church, and we need to keep going back to them, holding them accountable, to be sure they continue in the faith.

Those of us who are strong in the Lord, need to wisely counsel, to come along side and encourage, and to draw in those that are walking along the edge.

I know I need to love more those God has brought into my life to disciple. I need to care more, trust Him more, and not be afraid. Please Lord, help me serve You better in this way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lynn Squire loves the Lord, loves her husband, and loves her three children. When she's not serving her church or serving her family, she writes. Her book, Joab's Fire, is now available on Amazon.com. You can read more of her work at www.PresentingBiblicalTruths.com.

Jesus Wept

Many years ago, I attended the viewing of my distant cousin. And though I didn’t know him very well, I knew his wife. My sisters and I used to call the couple Barbie and Ken because they seemed perfect in every way, having a relationship that read like a romance novel. So it was hard to believe the news, given two years before, that my cousin was slowly dying of cancer.

After we’d heard of his death, it seemed impossible to imagine his wife without him. I wondered what I’d find when I entered the funeral parlor. As I stepped in the door, I saw a take-charge woman, giving direction to family members, so the gathering would run smoothly. She stood confident and erect, and definitely in control.

I couldn’t understand how a woman who’d just lost the love of her life could be so strong, when her world had just shifted dramatically. In fact, I was battling more tears than she appeared to be.
In minutes, members of the immediate family lined the hall into the viewing room to greet those who came to wish their condolences. What was I going to say to her? Having never experienced a loss this person and all-consuming, I could find no words.

My Grandmother inched along behind me, offering prayers and hugs to various people in the line. I later learned Grandma had been a mother figure to my cousin’s wife. Someone who’d been there for her throughout her married life.

I continued to inch along the line, plotting out insignificant words to ease the afflicted. Then, as I was about to grasp the widow’s hand, she caught sight of Grandma behind me, silently mouthed her name, and appeared to melt before my eyes. Grandma, who looked like a cross between the Pillsbury Dough-Boy and Shirley Temple, thrust me aside and threaded her arms around my cousin’s wife as if she were her only means of physical support. Finally, knowing someone would hold her up, my cousin’s wife sobbed uncontrollably, like a wet sack on grandma’s shoulder.

Now I know my grandmother is not God, but sometimes God shows pieces of Himself through His creation. And that day I spied a glimpse of Him through a plump, pink-cheeked, cherub of a woman with bottle-colored, golden curls, who held up a grieving woman as if she were a mighty oak in a tempest.

You see, we always think that because we have God in our lives, we should be strong ourselves and never cry. After all, He gives us the strength we need to endure all things. We know that in seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, we’ll have everything we need. We also know he’s with us in the Valley of Shadow and Death. But does that mean no tear should escape our eyes? Does it mean we can’t ever be weak?

I’d answer a big, resounding NO to both of these questions. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus Wept. So why do we think we should somehow be better or stronger than our Savior? He needed His father in the Garden of Gethsemane, as we need Him during the trials in our own lives. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.

My cousin’s wife knew she needed to be strong for her family. Her children had just lost their father and she was forced to host a gathering where others could morn her very personal loss. I’m sure she felt a great responsibility to “be there” for others. I saw that in the way she comforted them.

It wasn’t until she saw the one who could hold her up through trying times, that she allowed herself to be weak. So she fell into my grandmother’s arms and finally released the hurt buried deep inside.

That’s what God can do for you. He’s not just the one who gives you what you need to brave any storm. He’s also that soft touch with strong shoulders. He will hold you up when you just can’t do it yourself.
So when life has beaten you down and you don’t know where else to turn, fall into the brawny arms of your loving Father in heaven. Cry on his broad shoulders. Look into His face and let Him wipe away your tears. If you do this, I believe you’ll feel His gentle kiss on your forehead and you’ll know you are truly loved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Connie Almony
Connie’s experience includes working as a Christian Counselor in Columbia, Maryland. Though she no longer counsels, she continues to work with wonderful people in this field. She has been married almost twenty years and has two beautiful children who inspire her to become all she can be.

Connie hosts the blog Living the Body of Christ (http://livingthebodyofchrist.blogspot.com/) created to encourage readers to use the gifts God gave them. She also writes for InfiniteCharacters.com (http://infinitecharacters.com/), a group blog dedicated to guide writers in their pursuit of a dream, and readers in their pursuit of a good read.

Grace Fox presents: Moving from Fear to Freedom

Note from Jennifer: I was invited to participate in the Christian Speaker Services blog tour of Grace Fox's new study.  It may prove to be a useful resource in your ministry. Make sure to leave a comment for a chance to win a free copy. Enjoy!

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Has fear kept you awake at night? Has it hindered you from saying yes to a new opportunity? Has it caused you to make impulsive choices you later regretted? If so, you’re not alone! Fear is a big deal for many women. If left unchecked, it can prevent us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives. So, what’s the answer? How can we move beyond fear into freedom?

Author Grace Fox has partnered with Stonecroft Ministries to write a small group resource titled Moving from Fear to Freedom: A Woman-to-Woman Conversation. This resource addresses women’s common fears and gives biblical and practical strategies to move beyond them.

Fear seems to be an ever-present theme throughout the Bible. Describe the difference between healthy and unhealthy fear.
Healthy fear steers us toward wise decisions and actions. It promotes self-preservation. For example, we look both ways before crossing the street for fear of getting hit by a car. In contrast, unhealthy fear hinders our ability to fully embrace life because it consumes us with negative thinking and what-ifs. The effects can literally make us sick.

How does destructive fear stunt our emotional or spiritual growth?
Destructive fear—the fear of rejection, for instance—might keep us from admitting to someone that we’ve been physically or sexually abused. Without receiving the help we need to deal with those issues, we never experience freedom. Our struggles might seriously hamper our ability to truly love and receive love in a marital relationship. This is just one example among many of how our emotional growth is affected.

Spiritually, fear can cause us to say no to God-given dreams or assignments because we’re afraid of personal inadequacy or financial insecurity. If we never step out in faith, then we never experience God’s ability to equip and provide in amazing ways. Spiritual growth comes when we say yes to God and “do it afraid.”

You suggest we need to place our focus on God and not on fear. In practical terms, how do we do this?
Several strategies that I’ve found helpful…

• Memorize Scripture promises and meditate on them throughout the day and as we fall asleep at night. We are transformed as our mind is renewed.
• Fill our homes with praise and worship music.
• Spend time in God’s word on a regular basis, not just when we’re in a panic. The more we do so, the more familiar we become with His promises and the better prepared we are to face frightening circumstances when they come.
• Talk to the Lord throughout the day. Invite Him into the mundane. Practice His presence. The more we get to know Him, the more we’re able to trust Him in the face of fear.

Most of us feel inadequate at times. You suggest we cannot use our inadequacies as an excuse for not participating with God’s purposes. How do we get past this?
We get past our fear of inadequacy by admitting we have it. Then we need to retrain our thinking to focus on God’s adequacies rather than our inadequacies.

• Tell God how we feel. "Help! I don't think I can do such-and-such."
• Tell a trusted friend and ask her to pray for us.
• Move forward. Do it afraid and expect God to equip us.

Describe this resource and how participants can receive the greatest benefit as they use it.
It’s a seven-week study filled with biblical teaching and personal anecdotes that can be used easily by either a small group of friends in a private home setting or a large women’s ministry. Each session begins by viewing a 25-30 minute teaching video. When the video ends, participants follow suggested Table Talk questions for about 15 minutes. Then they do the Bible study questions together. Each participant uses her own guide book so she can take notes and write answers. Facilitator’s notes are included. The study covers these topics:

• an overview of fear
• fear for our loved ones' well-being
• fear of personal inadequacy
• fear of rejection
• fear of facing the ghosts of our past
• fear of the storms of life
• fear of the unknown future

Where can I buy this study?
It’s available through your local Christian book store, on Amazon, www.barnesandnoble.com, www.christianbooks.com, www.stl-distribution.com, www.winepressbooks.com, and of course, on Grace’s website, where group discounts apply, www.gracefox.com. Visit Grace’s website for more information about her other books and speaking ministry: www.gracefox.com.

WIN THE BOOK
If you’d like to be entered to win a copy of MOVING FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM, just leave a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner at random on Saturday, August 13th. Please leave an email address so I can contact you if you're the winner. (To prevent spammers from trolling for your email, please use this format with the brackets--you [at] yourmail [dot] com--or something similar.) Good luck!

For more opportunities for a FREE copy of this DVD & Study Guide set of MOVING FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM, please follow this CSS Virtual Book Tour on Twitter (@Christianspkrs) or Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/CSSVBT.GraceFox.MovingFromFeartoFreedom)




NOTE:  I was given a complimentary copy of this DVD & Study Guide set from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

Raising Healthy PKs, Part III: Other People’s Expectations

Don’t allow other people to impose their expectations on your children.

Let’s face it. There are two extreme stereotypes of preachers’ kids: They are sweet and angelic, or more often than not, they are bad as the devil. We’ve probably seen both extremes, but we have also seen a lot in the middle. Neither my husband nor I put undo expectations on our children because of his profession. We expect them to be respectful and obedient to us and other people in authority. We expect them to be well behaved in church worship because they are both old enough to do so now. While we don’t expect them to mini-theologians on the Bible, it is our hope that we are cultivating a thirst for the Word and the things of God. We’ve never had the conversation, “Well, you know because your father is pastor, you need to ….” So, it never dawned on me to consider other people’s expectations of them until my oldest daughter’s first grade teacher, a PK herself, pointed out, “You may not place unrealistic expectations, but you cannot control how other people respond to your children.”

Never was that so clear until an incident my oldest daughter had a few years ago with a person in authority. The person accused my daughter, who was six at the time, of lying. If she was lying, I would fully support corrective measures appropriate for a six year-old. What I would not support at any age is shaming my child, which is what this person did as she told her, “Do you want to be known as the pastor’s daughter who lies? Do you want to embarrass your father?” Hold up! Wait a minute! Stop the breaks! What?!? Would you ask the accountant’s son why was he so slow to get math? Or, why the teacher’s daughter is a C student? So, why would one expect a greater sense of morality from the pastor’s child? Without going into detail, we did resolve the issue, but more importantly we reassured our daughter that she did not have to worry about making her father ashamed of her, especially at six years-old.

Fortunately for us, this has been the only incident of this nature, and the two churches where my husband has served have given my children the space to be kids. However, this incident taught me to be aware of what messages my girls could be getting from others. Some of those messages have been comical. When my oldest daughter’s class figured out her father was a pastor after she had been to the school for three years, she came home to ask, “Why does Jeffrey keep saying I must be rich because Daddy is a pastor?” My response was, I don’t know, but I sure would like to know why he thinks that myself.

Raising healthy, whole children today requires lots of on-the-job training, lots of listening and being aware. But, more importantly, it requires lots of prayer. This is true regardless if the child is a PK or not. As a recap of this blog post series: 1. We have to walk and talk at home and elsewhere what we preach and teach at church. 2. Our own expectations can’t be unrealistic of our children. 3. Finally, we cannot allow others to impose their expectations on our children either.

My prayer on a regular basis is, “Lord, show me how to mother both of my girls in their own uniqueness. Show me how to be what each needs, not what I think they need.”

Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor at North Carolina Central University in the Department of English and Mass Communication. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr., pastor of Watts Chapel Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC. Shauntae and Harry have two beautiful daughters.

Translucence

Our lights went out the other night. We live rurally, so there are no streetlights. When the power goes off, the whole neighborhood plunges into darkness. We’re prepared, of course. While my hubby goes for the coal oil lamps, I fumble for the matches and light the nearest candle.

It always surprises me just how much light one little candle gives off. It might not let me read the newspaper’s fine print, but every corner of the room is visible because of it.

Maybe that’s why I find John 8:12 so significant: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” In whatever dark place I find myself, as long as I’m with the Son of God, his one single life will provide all the illumination I need.

Then I read in Matthew 5:14-16 that I am also the light of the world*, and the implication terrifies me. I can’t do it, Lord! I may be the wife of a gifted pastor, but I’m just an ordinary woman. I can’t make that kind of difference.

Photo by Carol Garvin

In the brightness of a sunny day I discover the answer in my garden. I’m not responsible for providing light, but only for putting myself in the right place to be lit by God – to accept his light as it falls on me. My job is to be translucent so that his light is visible to others through me.

Photo by Carol Garvin

Thank you, God, for the wonder of your light!

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* “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carol J. Garvin is the wife of a retired Presbyterian pastor, mother of four and grandmother to several more. Her life has been a wonderful mixture of school teaching, church and family activities, owning a professional dog show business, and freelance writing. She and her husband live in a rural suburb of Vancouver, Canada.

Blog: http://careann.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/mBj1F7
Twitter: @caroljgarvin

How Sharing Your Messes Makes You Lovable

I opened my Sunday school class with a confession. “Am I the only one who isn’t enjoying this study? I look at the book title, “Me and My Big Mouth,” and I want to throw it out the window. I’d rather scrub my kitchen floor than discover that complaining is a sin. I entered the world complaining to the doctor because the delivery room was too cold. I could probably win a blue ribbon at the state fair for the most gripes in an hour. ”

            Mary Lou laughed her loudest. “That’s why I love this class, Jeanette.”

“Why, because your teacher has an awful time getting her tongue in order?”

“No. Because you’re honest enough to admit it. We feel comfortable with you when you share your human side. We know you’re just like us, struggling with the same issues. ”

This wasn’t the first time I’d opened my murky soul and shared the ugliness inside with these ladies. Once a month we spent our Sunday school time praying for our families and each other. I often found myself sharing my blunders and disappointments with my Heavenly Father in their presence. They knew how impatient I became when customers at work had stupid requests; how I condemned myself when one of my kids made a poor choice; how I struggled to submit to my husband’s leadership.

And they loved me anyway. I like to think they loved me more than if I’d pretended I never took a wrong turn.

Before I became a pastor’s wife, I wouldn’t have dreamed that sharing my faults could make someone happy.  Didn’t people expect a leader to set a perfect example? Didn’t they want the pastor’s wife to show them how easy it was to walk in all the fruit of the spirit?  Didn’t they need a model saint who never yelled at her kids or had a tacky thought? Maybe not.

Perhaps these ladies find my candor refreshing. They see that although I’m a leader, I stumble like they do.  They may think, “If there’s hope for Jeanette, God can fix me, too.”

 If my transparency can give someone hope, I’m okay with sharing my messes. As writer and editor Jim Watkins likes to say, “I’m a mess and you’re a mess. Thank God we have a Messiah.”

“Nutty with a dash of meat” best describes Jeanette Levellie’s speaking, writing and life. She has published hundreds of humor/inspirational columns, articles, greeting cards, and poems. A spunky pastor’s wife, Jeanette is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to four cats. Find her mirthful musings at www.jeanettelevellie.com

Better Than Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso

 by Niki Turner

Wonder Woman was my favorite superhero. I suppose that was by default, since she was pretty much the token female member of the Justice League at the time. Unlike Batman, whose gadget collection makes him a little bit nerdy, even if he does have the best outfit, or Superman, whose powers are attributed to his alien origins, Wonder Woman's abilities are pretty much limited.

She had her invisible jet (except, she wasn't invisible IN the jet, which still confuses me), her special bracelets, and the magic lasso of truth. If she got that rope around you, you HAD to tell the truth. But that wasn't all her golden lasso could accomplish. She could swing down from her invisible plane, pull a ship to safety, rescue her fellow superfriends, even tow a meteor out of Earth's orbit. That rope would not break.

There are certain seasons and situations that automatically place a strain on marriage. Maybe these situations aren't world-ending crises like Wonder Woman faced, but they do threaten our individual spheres of influence and our peace of mind and body.

• Having babies and toddlers at home
• Having teenagers at home
• Unemployment
• Retirement
• Serious illness, injury or death in the immediate family
• Winning the lottery
• Bankruptcy/foreclosure/financial challenges
• Starting a business (or a ministry)
• Home improvement/remodeling projects

There are others, but these have all been documented as causes of tremendous, and often unexpected, stress in otherwise strong marriages. Many marriages falter and fail shortly after these kinds of situations, even when it appears they made it through the initial storm just fine. Knowing that we're all going to go through situations like these (winning the lottery would be nice, but it's hard to win without buying tickets!) how can we protect our own marriages? I believe we can take some solid advice from Ecclesiastes.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Eccl 4:12 NIV

There are few things more heart-wrenching than watching someone go through a personal crisis alone, with no shoulder to cry on and no one to help hold the burden. It's always better when there are two. In our case, talking about marriage, the picture of husband and wife given to us in Genesis is that of partnership, like two warriors back-to-back, swords drawn, protecting each other as they drive back the enemy. It's better to be part of a twosome when trials come our way, because where one is weak, the other is strong.

The "cord of three strands" represents a braid, or plait. Three cords are more difficult to cut through, and they are also more difficult to unravel. In fact, if you try to pull one cord out, the whole thing tightens up around it, keeping it in place. Pull two of the cords at once and the effect is magnified. In order to unravel a threefold cord, one has to physically move each of the strands out of place, again and again. 

Is your marriage intimately entwined around the third strand  Jesus? He's the One who won't be moved, the One who can't be broken. He has a vested interest in the success of our marriages, because our marriages reflect His relationship with the Church.

Wherever you sense loose threads in your relationship as a result of stress or pressure or trials, bring God into that area more than ever before and let Him strengthen the bond between you instead of unraveling what you've built together. Spending time in the Word and prayer, and simply acknowledging His Lordship and presence in our marriages, will make Wonder Woman's golden lasso seem weak and paltry by comparison to the threefold cord of marriage.

Niki Turner is feeling her way through a new season of living. She turned 40 last year, became a grandma in April 2011, and at the end of June, she and her husband turned over the pastorate of the church they planted 13 years ago and are "recovering from the effects of heat" while God prepares them for their next assignment.