Longing for a Little Appreciation

I eased the pie from the hot oven and gently set it on the counter to cool. Since it was for my husband’s birthday, I’d wanted it to be picture perfect and just the way he likes it—homemade crust with fluted edge, freshly squeezed lemon juice, fluffy meringue. I’ve put almost two hours into this creation, I mused. I’d better get something more than his usual “It’s alright” or “Pretty good.”

The next week I turned in the manuscript for my fourth one-year devotional. No one will ever know how much time went into this project, I thought. Between crafting the proposal, researching the material, coming up with 365 different ideas, studying Scriptures—not to mention the writing—it must have added up to a couple thousand hours at least.

I wish I didn’t have such a deep need for other people’s approval and appreciation for what I do. Although I can’t match the seemingly unnatural work ethic of the “ideal” woman described in Proverbs 31, I would love to get the same reaction she does. Her children stand up and bless her for her hard work. Her husband praises her above all other women. It’s clear from the passage that a love for her family and a desire to honor God are what motivate this woman to be the best she can be. But surely she must feel warmed and honored by her family’s compliments and glad that her efforts are appreciated.

In reality, few women receive such recognition. Instead of standing up and calling us blessed, our children may just sit down and ask what’s for dinner. Our husbands are usually oblivious to all that we do behind the scenes. Our employers, coworkers, and fellow church members probably have no idea how much extra effort we put in on that last project. But it’s comforting to know that Someone notices every little thing we do, and He promises to reward us someday.

God sees every act of service on our part, whether small or great; He also sees our motivation. He knows whether our desire is to draw attention to ourselves and win admiration from other people, or to serve others and bring Him glory. We can test our motives by asking, “Would I be doing this if no one except God knew about it?” If the answer is “yes”, then we can expect a reward from our heavenly Father.

It would be nice if other people remembered to thank us for our hard work, but that won’t always happen. When we’re longing for a little appreciation, we can remember Who it is that we really serve. And we can look forward to hearing Him say the words that will make everything we ever did worth it all: “Well done, good and faithful servant”.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Each devotional in The One Year Women of the Bible focuses on a woman in the Bible and a woman today. You'll hear the perspective of faithful women like Sarah, Elizabeth, and Abigail along with the less faithful women, such as Jezebel, and lesser-known characters who are often overlooked. You'll also read about everyday contemporary women struggling with similar problems and issues. Daily practical application encourages the reader to search out the spiritual lessons and principles offered in these timeless stories.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dianne Matthews has written numerous devotionals, magazine articles, and newspaper features. Her work has appeared in Focus on the Family, The Quiet Hour, LIVE, The Christian Communicator, on websites including CBN.com, and in several compilation books. She is the author of four daily devotional books including The One Year Women of the Bible (Tyndale) and Drawing Closer to God: 365 Daily Meditations on Questions from Scripture (Baker). Dianne is a CLASS graduate and a member of Advanced Writers & Speakers, Christian Authors Network, and Toastmasters International. She and her husband, Richard, currently live in Salt Lake City and miss their three grown children and two adorable grandchildren.

You can visit Dianne at

her website: www.DianneNealMatthews.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dianne.n.matthews

Hiding in a Crowd



Photo by Nokia
public album at http://share.ovi.com/  

 I’ve already admitted to not being the conventional pastor’s wife. (If you missed that confession you’ll find it here.)  So I guess it won’t be a huge surprise to learn I’m also an introvert – a rather private person and loner. I’m less of a sit-on-the-front-porch-and-chat-with-the-neighbors kind of person, and more of a sit-on-the-back-deck-or-garden-behind-the-hedge sort.

So how does such a person reconcile the desire for privacy with her inevitable involvement in church activities? My solution was to learn how to hide in a crowd. Rather than stand around at gatherings where I risked being a target for conversation, I quickly disappeared into behind-the-scenes activities where interaction wasn’t an essential ingredient.

You might have found me up to my elbows in potato peelings prior to a church dinner, or washing dishes afterwards. I could be babysitting in the nursery, on my knees weeding the flowerbeds, labeling books in the library or putting together the monthly newsletter. They were all legitimate jobs that needed attention… as well as being on-the-fringe situations where I was comfortable.

At congregational dinners I sat between my husband and one of our children, and at coffee hours and group meetings I gravitated to those I knew from previous experience could carry any conversation with minimal help from me.

The trouble was, while I willingly hid in the background, I missed opportunities to push out of my comfort zone and grow.

When I began my own business and became the sole person making decisions involving hundreds of people, I soon learned via the sink-or-swim method how to cope with what had once seemed incredibly difficult. I discovered the truth of the it-becomes-easier-with-practice axiom, and the scripture that promises God will be with us in every situation.*

I’m still an introvert, but I’ve learned it’s possible to find an acceptable middle ground at church. For instance, music is one of my loves, and when I stepped a short distance out of my shell, God led me into the music program. Despite not liking the limelight, I agreed to direct the choir. At least it was something I could do with my back to the congregation, and, like an ostrich, I could almost believe I was invisible to everyone except my choristers.

We aren’t all asked to take leadership roles but we are called to make the best possible use of our strengths and abilities. God knows our hearts, our needs and our limitations. Hanging back is rejecting his call to service. If we’ll let him, he’ll guide us to the place where we can best serve him, and he’ll support us there whether it’s in the midst of the crowd, or on its fringe.

What forms of service have you been led into? Are they within your ‘comfort zone’ or do they require some stretching?

~

* “But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. 
I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.” [Isaiah 42:16
- The Message]

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carol J. Garvin is the wife of a retired Presbyterian pastor, mother of four and grandmother to several more. Her life has been a wonderful mixture of school teaching, church and family activities, owning a professional dog show business, and freelance writing. She and her husband live in a rural suburb of Vancouver, Canada.

Blog: http://careann.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/mBj1F7

Twitter: @caroljgarvin

And You Call Yourself a Christian?

Sometimes being labeled can be a good thing; other times being labeled feel like a cruel target.
I wear the label Christian as both a blessing and a curse. My mind grapples with God's great grace toward me because I deserve something entirely different. I deserve condemnation. The scarlet letter S for sinner sounds more apprioriate than saint. I should steal Paul's title, The Chief of Sinners!

This agony of how fallen we are can warp our confidence. Still, Christ knew just how wretched we were when He chose to put on flesh and die in our place. Try wrapping your mind around that miracle.

Then Christ calls us His children, and our label changes to something eternally sacred. A relationship blossoms and on days when we are doing pretty good with our sin nature we feel secure and set in heavenly places. Possibly then we get comfortable and we revert and a bad day springs up before we can stop it and we stumble, slip, and stagger back into bad habits. Which lends way to the voices that start speaking louder than the Truth.

And you call yourself a Christian.

Christians don't get angry.

Christians read their Bible more.

Christians pray without ceasing.

Christians don't make the same mistakes over and over again.

And you call yourself a Christian.

Christianity isn't a checklist. It's not a ritual or a routine. Christianity is a moment by moment confession of our need for Jesus Christ to envelope us and equip us to overcome. He even helps us overcome ourselves. We feel cursed when we can't measure up. We feel cursed when we miss the mark.

Here is where Jesus helped me hear Him over the lies. As a mother I want my children to know I love them unconditionally. It doesn't matter how they mess up-- they belong to me. Each of us belong to God regardless of our condition. Hello- He can handle the challenge of cleaning us up! We can stop beating ourselves up, pick ourselves up, and barrel back into Christ's arms. He's waiting on you. Whatever your plight is confess it and let His love cover it. Every confession that you bring to feet of our Lord cradles you deeper in His embrace.

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither
angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans
8:38-39)

Let's wear our label with appreciation and awe. Today, I want you to join me in transfixing our eyes on the present and not the past. We are redeemed. We belong to a divine relationship. We are ready to believe who God says we are-- His children.

We are Christians who sin-less.

We are Christians who strive every day.

We are Christians who stick to God's plan.

We are Christians who stuff the Word into our hearts.

And yes, we are calling ourselves Christians.

Share with me in the comments: Do you struggle to stand sure? Do your

shortcomings keep you from embracing eternal deliverance?

Tamika Eason is a passionate wife, writer, and awestruck mother to three daughters. She is amazed by God's great grace- that He chooses to love a woman so full of unworthiness. She and her husband serve in ministry in Austin, Texas.
You can find her writing inspirational fiction that showcases the power of supernatural love, and blogging at The Potter's Wheel http://www.tamikaeason.com/

Marriage Monday: Communication Differences

To this day, some of the most helpful marriage-related teaching I've ever heard has to do with the differences in the way men and women receive, process, and respond to information. Even after 21+ years, I occasionally have to remind myself of the differences between myself and my darling hubby in the way we interact and communicate.

The last few months, as we've been transitioning out of full-time ministry and into God-knows-what (I mean that VERY literally!), my beloved Audi TT decided to have "issues." As money is tight these days, we opted to try a fix-it-yourself on the car.

During the multiple days he spent battling my tiny auto, I would occasionally wander out to the garage to see how things were going. Attempting to interact with a man while he's working on the car (or working at any task, but particularly those he doesn't enjoy) is not conducive to marital bliss. My normally easy-going, happy-go-lucky hubby was testy, short-tempered, and generally not very pleasant. In my younger years I would have been traumatized and taken his bad attitude personally, then been offended and upset later.

Thanks to messages like the one below, however, I know better. He wasn't mad at me. He was in his own personal "auto zone." No, not the car parts store ... that zone of the male brain that is set apart for working on cars.

Men have lots of "zones." There's the pastor friend who told his wife not to talk to him in the morning before he ministers because he has his "game face" on. Or the young newlywed who loses himself in video games for hours on end – his response to pressure at work. And all the fellas whose wives have declared themselves "football widows" or "hunting season widows" or "golf widows."

When hubby responds in ways that seem out of character, or ways that seem short-tempered, or when it doesn't seem like he's paying attention to me at all, I need to remember it probably has nothing to do with me personally. It has to do with the "box" or "zone" he's in at the moment. Much the same way I hope and pray that when I burst into hysterical tears because my car is broken and I can't fix it and I don't contribute financially to the household and I feel guilty because I'm selfish and I know I'm not thankful enough because my mother called me an ingrate once when I was eight ... yeah ... I hope he remembers the plate of spaghetti (you'll have to watch the video...)

My prayer for you is that you'll remember, when the opportunity arises in your own marriage, this funny and fitting word picture... Enjoy!

About the Author: Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, in addition to posting here and at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. She was a 2009 finalist in the Faith, Hope, and Love "Touched by Love" contest. She and her husband pioneered a church plant in 1998 and pastored that church until 2011 before turning the work over to another couple. Nowadays, she's enjoying being a grandma to her first grandbaby and waiting to see what God has in store for the next season of life!

Tips to Slow Down in this Busy Fall Season - by Judy Christie

Be sure to look at the end of this post to find how you might win a copy of Judy's book.

Most busy wives and mothers are list-keepers – notes here and there about errands to run, meetings to attend, bills to pay, and places the family needs to be.

Maybe you’re like me and get satisfaction when you check items off these lists. (OK, confess: Have you ever written something on a list just so you could check it off? I have.)

In this busy fall season, already with hints of the holidays ahead, it is important to consider tools that can help you with all those to-do items and to remember that you can’t do everything. You’re not supposed to do everything! A few tips:

• Shift your thinking, just as the seasons are shifting. Your role is important and demanding. Think positively, expecting things to work out for the best. Take a fresh look at your schedule and make needed changes. Don’t be afraid to say “no” sometimes.
   
• Shape your busy afternoon and evening routines deliberately. Consider what is important to you and your family, and plan evenings accordingly. Write your schedule down, tweaking it as needed when unexpected things arise. Take marginal activities off your schedule to add things that mean more.
• Make good choices for your own time. Perhaps you need another reminder here: you cannot do everything. You will drive yourself (and your family) crazy if you try. Model a calmer, more meaningful way of life – helping those around you to understand that life is full of great choices. It takes wisdom and courage to make the best ones. Don’t keep adding on a little activity here or a small request there. Those add up to burnout and fatigue. 
• Work with your children on homework habits – getting it done earlier in the evening, so that you aren’t scrambling, nagging, pushing at bedtime. 
• Help your children choose good extracurricular activities -- guiding them and not overloading. Kids today have so many pressures, and they often fill their schedules to the breaking point. Help them learn more about themselves – and whether they want to be in the band or play football or volunteer at a hospital or be a youth group leader at church. 
• Add fun to your to-do list. Don’t focus only on “ought-to’s.” Laugh with your family and friends. 
• Take care of yourself. Have hobbies and friends, and go out with your spouse, even in the busy seasons. Take renewal time – and do it without feeling guilty. Fill up your personal gas tank, so that you have more to offer, not always running on empty.
• Pray about your calendar. Your weeks fill up quickly, and they require focus and attention. Ask God to guide you as you choose how you will spend each hour.

 Thank you for the amazing ways you touch lives.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Judy Christie loves to help busy people slow down and enjoy each day more. She’s a speaker and the author of the popular Hurry Less Worry Less series, including Hurry Less, Worry Less at Christmas which now includes an Advent study, recipes and more tips. Judy likes to visit with friends and family on her old green Kitchen Couch (bought for $40 at the church where she grew up) and writes in her journal on an antique glider. She is the author of the Green series of novels, including the recent Rally 'Round Green about life in the small town of Green, LA. Her first Young Adult novel, Wreath, came out this month.

For more info on Judy, see www.judychristie.com. Judy loves to chat with readers at www.facebook.com/judychristie and http://twitter.com/judypchristie. For free Hurry Less Worry Less tips, visit her weekly podcast on iTunes. She also enjoys visiting with book clubs and church groups via Skype or telephone!

ABOUT THE BOOK
Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms is full of practical tips and encouragement for busy moms who are exhausted from juggling and want to enjoy each day more. Moms know the feeling. They’re constantly trying to fit everything – work, laundry, family fun, shuttle service, you name it - into 24-hours. They want to enjoy each day with their family but sometimes feel like they’re in quicksand and don’t know how to get started on a new path. Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms offers ways to take a fresh look and make needed changes and includes a study guide for group or individual use.


WIN THE BOOK
If you’d like to be entered to win a copy of Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms, just leave a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner at random on Wednesday, October 19th. Please leave an email address so I can contact you if you're the winner. (To prevent spammers from trolling for your email, please use this format with the brackets--you [at] yourmail [dot] com--or something similar.) Good luck!

On a WHIM: Your Expectations Are Showing!

By Kathy Carlton Willis

This past summer I spent a great amount of time considering expectations: the way others let me down, and the way I end up letting others down. We all seem to deal with too many unmet and unrealistic expectations. Most of my stress involves expectations of some sort or another.

When it comes to expectations, I truly am learning to give the benefit of the doubt—but I’m also praying a little differently today based on some discernment that came over the summer.

I’m learning:

• To communicate more clearly and not expect people to read my mind, or attempt to read their minds.
• To realize everyone has “life stuff” that keeps them from fulfilling their commitments, and I need to be as flexible with others as I hope they will be with me. That Golden Rule again!
• When others reply or react in a way I find unacceptable, I have several options in handling the situation. First, I need to take it out of the realm of “feelings” and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions. Wait to react and respond after I have a plan to do it the right way. I must be intentional in disengaging my feelings from the response so that I’m not allowing my buttons to be pushed.
• Sometimes when others respond in ways that irritate me, it’s because I had in my mind a more acceptable response and they missed the mark. Here’s my expectations showing: I expect others to respond to situations the way I would respond to them. Since my first goal in any misunderstanding is to make sure I reassure the other party and alleviate their concerns, I expect others to be that way with me. Only after I reassure someone, would I tackle the issues in order to resolve problems. When others don’t treat conflicts with me in that same manner, they let me down. I need to realize, not everyone is wired to affirm others—they may be more straightforward to acknowledge and address issues.
• My timetable is not the same as others. My priorities aren’t the same as others. I need to give more of a grace period (I like the word “grace” in that), and be okay with the differences, even thanking God that we are all different.

It’s not healthy to wait until the middle of a disappointment to come up with a game plan for dealing with the situation. With advance planning, we can have a strategy in place to handle issues. I know when people are “in the moment,” feelings can make matters worse—distort perceptions. Come back on November 4^th and learn how to deal with your expectations when others let you down—where does tough love fit into the picture?

When you think about it, what have you learned from your own expectations, and in the expectations others have toward you? 

 Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works. www.kathycarltonwillis.com

Let Me Have a Bad Day

            When the kids were five and two, we began a traveling singing ministry. Our congregation didn’t meet on Sunday nights, so we were free then, as well as weeknights. We sang in churches, clubs, seniors’ groups, whoever would have us. I think the kids were the big drawing card, but people also seemed to like our music, most of it written by Kevin.

            The day after a concert for a seniors’ club, the chairman called tell us how much everyone enjoyed it.

            “Oh, thank you,” I said. “I’ve had a lousy morning; it makes my day to hear a compliment.”

            “Now, I can’t believe you would ever have a bad day!” he answered.        

             Oh, puleeeeze!  

            

            I wanted to shout, “You dummy! People in ministry have horrible, awful, very bad days, too. Perhaps more than ‘normal’ people. We are constant targets for the devil’s traps and schemes.”

            But, I didn’t. I just made fluffy little preacher’s wife comment #103 and politely thanked him again for calling.

            I wonder why people think we are immune to grumpiness, misunderstandings, and bad attitudes? Just because our calling is to teach, preach, sing or write the gospel doesn’t make us impervious to demonic grenades.

All believers are in a battle, but ministers and their families are on the front lines. Satan tries harder to take us down, because we are in positions to influence huge numbers believers. Non-believers watch us closely, too.

           

            I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I like being in ministry. Most days.

            I just want people to be real, and allow me to be real, too.

            Are you shocked when someone in leadership admits they have horrible days? Do you pray for them? They'll love you if you do.            

Mismatched or Mismanaged? : Marriage Monday

The implosion of a marriage is a painful thing to witness.

A couple in our church, both of them in leadership, people who genuinely loved God (I believe), simply fell apart before our eyes. One day everything seemed fine (to the outside observer) and the next day an affair was exposed. A short time later, they divorced and went their separate ways.

About a year later, it happened again with another couple, friends of ours in ministry. I wept for them, ached for both of them as their relationship ruptured, rumors spread and reputations were damaged. The dissolution of a marriage is painful for everyone involved – children, friends, church, family, coworkers, neighbors. It's like watching conjoined twins be ripped apart without benefit of anesthesia.

Adultery was exposed in another marriage within the same time frame. And it wasn't the first time. Part of me (flesh) wanted to hire a hit man to administer suitable punishment to the offending party. I was mad. The "offendee," however, was far more spiritual than I, choosing to stay and make it work through forgiveness, through wise counsel, and behavioral adaptation. When we stand before Jesus in heaven I know there will be a huge jewel in the crown she lays at His feet... 

In the fourth situation, the wife was, in my opinion, "a pusher." Ambitious for success in ministry, she had an agenda, and her husband was part of her plan. He couldn't take the pressure, and fell away... not just from the marriage, but from his calling and from the church, as is often the case in such situations.

When you don't know the people involved, it's easy to judge. It's easy to point fingers and say, "it's her fault" or "it's his fault," but when you are friends with both parties, suddenly things are a little more complicated. It's also easy to fall back on some of the classic Christian cop-outs like, "We weren't even saved when we got married." Or, "We must have missed God. He didn't mean for us to be together." Hmm.

If you've been married for any length of time, you've probably wondered at least once (in a moment of distress) if you "missed God" when you married your spouse. (If not, hats off to you!) What if you'd married so-and-so? What if you hadn't married at all? I think the enemy (and the world) like to get us over in that "what if" mindset. If the devil can convince us that our marriage is a "mismatch," we lose hope and quit putting forth effort when the road gets rough for some reason.

Frequently, however, what looks like a mismatch is often a case of marital mismanagement. In the same way a corporation can be mismanaged, so can a marriage. Failure to communicate, or poor communication skills; lousy leadership skills; misunderstanding of motives and needs; or misplaced expectations on either (or both) sides that lead to disappointment and disillusionment.

Here's the good news: mismanagement can be corrected, if both parties are willing to cooperate. Before you yield (or let someone you're ministering to) yield to the "mismatched" theory, consider the possibility that mismanagement on one, or both, sides is the problem, and that can be fixed!

About the Author: Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, in addition to posting here and at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. She was a 2009 finalist in the Faith, Hope, and Love "Touched by Love" contest. She and her husband pioneered a church plant in 1998 and pastored that church until 2011 before turning the work over to another couple. Nowadays, she's enjoying being a grandma to her first grandbaby and waiting to see what God has in store for the next season of life!

Finding the Firm Path

The beach was abandoned, but it was evident many had been there ahead of me. A multitude of footprints dimpled the sun-warmed expanse, and as I wandered along it was impossible not to add my own. Ankle deep, the loose sand shifted with each step and made walking difficult, until I neared the water’s edge.

There the damp sand was firm and unblemished. The constant movement of waves had rinsed and rolled the grains into a well-packed pathway along the shoreline. Even the slight indentations created by my steps were quickly eliminated by the water, as if it were determined to keep the area closest to it from being marred.

It was impossible not to think of the words of Jeremiah 17:13b: “Lord, … those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the LORD, the spring of living water.” There are many biblical references to living water. God said he is “the spring of living water.” [Jeremiah 2:13] Jesus told the woman at the well if she had known of his gifts and asked him, he “would have given her living water.” [John 4:10] We’re told those who believe in him will find themselves filled and overflowing with living water. [John 7:38]

But first we have to place ourselves in a position where his mercy, grace and blessing can wash over us. We need to draw near so he can cleanse away the marks of our sin and failures and renew us from his eternal spring. The sand is only firm under our feet when we stay close to him as our continuous source of life-giving water.

~

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.” [Revelation 21:6b]

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” [1 John 1:9]

~

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carol J. Garvin is the wife of a retired Presbyterian pastor, mother of four and grandmother to several more. Her life has been a wonderful mixture of school teaching, church and family activities, owning a professional dog show business, and freelance writing. She and her husband live in a rural suburb of Vancouver, Canada.

Blog: http://careann.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/mBj1F7

Twitter: @caroljgarvin