The Pastor's Wife Speaks

On a WHIM: Goodbye for Now

2011-12-13T10:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers of The Pastor’s Wife Speaks:

When I go to the airport I love to watch people. My favorite aspect is witnessing all the “hello” and “goodbye” scenes. One so happy, one so sad—all a part of life. And so it is with saying “goodbye” to you here at The Pastor’s Wife Speaks.

As I shared my heartfelt insights with you over this past year, I’ve loved the interaction that transpired. Through our article-and-comments type conversations, we sorted out how to apply scriptural principles to the lives we live in ministry. I hope that sharpened all of us and clarified our perspectives.

What words would I like to leave with you in my last column? May we each know Jesus more. The kind of relationship where we talk back and forth, and even have moments of contented silence as well. The kind of relationship that not only gives us peace about our eternal destiny, but our immediate needs as well. This sort of intimacy with God is the only way to make sense of life—seeing it through His lens. May we see God in the stuff of everyday life and learn to enjoy the journey as much as we anticipate the destination.

Thank you to Jennifer AlLee for hosting us on your blog this year. What a pleasure to get to “do life” with each of you this year.

On a WHIM isn’t done yet—as long as there are Women’s Hearts In Ministry, On a WHIM will exist in some form. So be looking for me and WHIM on the Web!

Come visit me where I hang out:
Personal blog: http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com/
Business blog: http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/
Facebook: Kathy Carlton Willis Communications
Twitter: @KCWComm
Linked-In: Kathy Carlton Willis

Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T08:29:00.000-08:00

Wishing a beautiful Thanksgiving to you all! May you be blessed as you bless others!

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.

I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

Philippians 1:3-11

NLT

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye...

2011-11-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

by Niki Turner

I hate endings. The end of a great book, the end of a good movie or TV program, the end of a vacation ... or in this case, the end of what has been a lovely opportunity to interact with other PWs, past and present.

That said, I'm not going to drag out my goodbye ... I'll let the VonTrapp children do it for me!

Blessings to you all, contributors and readers alike! I hope you'll pop by In Truer Ink from time to time and say hello. In the meantime, see ya around the Internet!

Thanking God for YOU: My Final Post for PW Speaks

2011-11-21T05:23:00.000-08:00

I pray for you. In fact, the #1 item on my office whiteboard is "Pray for readers, editors, my agent, myself." So before you ever visited this blog or read my post about The Fun Things I've Learned from My Cats, or How Sharing Your Messes Makes You More Lovable, or What God Isn't, I was praying for you.

You are the reason I write. Okay, that was not 100% true. I write because I have this wild, mad love affair with words and the way stringing them together can change a peson's outlook, heart, or life.

But I don't put my words out on blogs or in print simply to satisfy my passion. I do it for you.

If one word, sentence, or story touches your heart, draws you nearer to the endless love of God, helps you like yourself better, or makes you laugh, I have fulfilled a slice of my dream.

It's sad when something good, like this blog, must end. Although I'll miss you, I hope you pop over to Mirth and Worth sometime to say "hi." I write the same kinds of crazy, uplifting things there that I do here, so you'll feel right at home, I promise.

I'm thankful for you. And I will keep praying for you. That's another promise.

With Love in the Lamb,
Jen

“Nutty with a dash of meat” best describes Jeanette Levellie’s speaking, writing and life. She has published hundreds of humor/inspirational columns, articles, greeting cards, and poems. A spunky pastor’s wife, Jeanette is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to four cats. Her first book, Mirth and Worth in the Real Lane, will be released in April, 2012. Find her mirthful musings at www.jeanettelevellie.com

Dealing With Transitions

2011-11-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

This was the last box to pack. It would be the first to be unpacked when we arrived at the new house. For a moment I studied the framed photo in my hand before cuddling it in bubble wrap and tucking it next to the homemade calendar that had hung on the kitchen wall, and the set of quilted placemats we used for family meals. There were the girls’ favorite Winnie-the-Pooh ornaments from atop their bedroom dressers, a few precious bedtime storybooks along with the family bible, and the living room clock that ticks its way through all our days.

We’ve packed a similar box for every one of our moves back and forth across the country. It’s been our way of creating a small comfort zone upon arrival in a new and unfamiliar home.

In each of our moves, we knew we were following God’s call to take up ministry in a new location, but leaving behind beloved people and the comfort of familiar places was still difficult. Transitions are traumatic, regardless of the circumstances. To minimize the stress for our children we made up lists with the phone numbers and addresses of their best friends, and encouraged them to keep in touch. We researched the new area ahead of time and as a family chose places we would explore. We acquired photographs of the new schools and church, and sometimes even a floor plan of the new house, with everyone’s bedroom identified.

As soon as we arrived in our new home, the first thing to be unpacked was the ‘homecoming’ box, eager hands reaching for their special treasures. Our first day’s devotional time included reassuring verses from the bible:

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” [Zeph. 3:17]

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, who abides in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.’"
[Psalm 91:1-2] 

There are so many transitional times in life – moving, changing jobs, death of friends or family members, retirement. But my husband is fond of the saying, “We don’t know what tomorrow holds, but we know Who holds our tomorrows.” We know that when we place ourselves in God’s care, He goes ahead of us into every situation and will be with us as we make the necessary adjustments.

Have you faced any major transitions in your life recently? Did you have special ways of coping with them?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carol J. Garvin is the wife of a retired Presbyterian pastor, mother of four and grandmother to several more. Her life has been a wonderful mixture of school teaching, church and family activities, owning a professional dog show business, and freelance writing. She and her husband live in a rural suburb of Vancouver, Canada.

Blog: http://careann.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://on.fb.me/mBj1F7

Twitter: @caroljgarvin

I Am the Offering

2011-11-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

The kids get so dirty after a day at school. I imagine they use the play yard like their own personal treasure island. They ravage their domain for every ounce of dirt they have time to dig up. It would explain the creases of grim inching down their necks and trailing up their scalp. The teachers giggle while they run about happy to see their imaginations at work. No one seems to care how dirty they get.

I cringe because I never wanted to get dirty as a child. My mother had to push me outside to play. Barbie’s were clean and reading was sanitary. Today, I still don’t enjoy getting dirty. When the girls were babies, they used my blouses as burp clothes. I grumbled every time.
When the kids reached elementary school and suffered some careless spill at lunch time, they knew I would have a complaint. “Girls should stay clean.”

But as I unveil myself from the vanities of this world, I see something different. I am dirtier today than I’ve been my whole life. I can’t scrub hard enough. I want to feel the squeaky clean that comes from a steaming hot shower and a luffer sponge. But the grim of sin has saturated the surface and is deep down in my bones.

“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are
as filthy rags;” Isaiah 64:6

I take heart for one reason: My dirt is an offering–an opportunity for Christ to overtake me. When I climb up on the gleaming altar of holiness with all my dirt and muddy dispositions Christ turns me into His masterpiece. I become a gleaming vessel and a glowing light.

When I try to conjure ways to give God something in the way of thanks, it pales in comparison to this. The thanks that He desires is the dirty me willing to lay it all down. I want for us to understand that Christ wants all of us, and He knows that means more filth than fine goods.
Will you give Him all of you today? Won’t you stop trying to clean it up and give it up to the One who can straighten you up.

Share with me in the comments: Do you feel too dirty for God sometimes?

Tamika Eason is a passionate wife, writer, and awestruck mother to three daughters. She is amazed by God's great grace- that He chooses to love a woman so full of unworthiness. She and her husband serve in ministry in Austin, Texas.
You can find her writing inspirational fiction that showcases the power of supernatural love and blogging at The Potter's Wheel
http://www.tamikaeason.com/

Whose team are you on? {Marriage Monday}

2011-11-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

by Niki Turner

(Husband comes in after work, throws his jacket and briefcase on the sofa.)
HUSBAND: You won't believe what happened today, honey. So-and-so walked into my office and accused me of losing those books I was using to study from last week.
WIFE: Well, did you lose them?
HUSBAND: (defensive) No, I didn't lose them.
WIFE: Then where are they?
HUSBAND: How should I know? I put them back in the church library.
WIFE: Are you sure? You know how forgetful you are.
HUSBAND: I'm leaving. I can't even get any respect in my own home. (storms out)

This wife chose the wrong team. By aligning herself with her husband's accuser, she immediately created a rift in her marriage. Now it's Team Wife v. Team Husband in the same household, and that doesn't bode well for anyone.

"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.]"
Ephesians 5:33 Amplified

I'll admit, there are days when just reading that verse makes my toes curl up in my shoes. But Paul's words here are a description of what it means to be on the same team, not in opposition against one another, not competing with or battling our spouse for power or control or even for the right to be right. One of our longest arguments started over whether a pound of liquid weighs the same amount as a pound of solid matter. We both wanted to be right. But as soon as we got in strife over it, we were both wrong.

Let's make sure we're on the right team ... Team Marriage. One unit, together, through thick and thin, good and bad, not berating one another, but building each other up. Offering acceptance, approval, and unconditional love, a safe place to land after a hard day.

About the Author: Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, in addition to posting here and at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. She was a 2009 finalist in the Faith, Hope, and Love "Touched by Love" contest. She and her husband pioneered a church plant in 1998 and pastored that church until 2011 before turning the work over to another couple. Nowadays, she's enjoying being a grandma to her first grandbaby and waiting to see what God has in store for the next season of life!

A Heart for Hospitality

2011-11-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

We hadn’t been in our first pastorate a full year when the Moderator of our national church was scheduled to arrive on tour in our small town. A meal was suggested – “just an intimate and informal gathering” – so I invited the church elders and their wives to come for turkey dinner at the manse.

Easy peasy, right? How hard could it be? Turkeys pretty much roast themselves. What I forgot, however, was that there would be twenty-five people coming, and we owned six chairs, melamine dinnerware for eight and a mishmash of cutlery. The house was small, and even with extra items borrowed from the church hall, we couldn’t possibly accommodate twenty-five people for a sit-down turkey dinner.

Entertaining is not my forte. In my post a couple weeks ago I explained how I prefer hiding in crowds rather than playing host to them. A panic attack was a distinct possibility in the week prior to the moderatorial dinner. I wrote down a menu, created a prep schedule, went over it multiple times and cleaned the house until it shone. The day before the dinner I looked around our crowded, toy-strewn living/dining room and burst into tears. I was sure the evening would be a disaster.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be hospitable. I didn’t grumble or resent that people were coming. I was simply overwhelmed with the logistics of hosting an event I believed needed to be of a caliber in keeping with the guest of honour. And of course, when I finally took my concerns to God, he provided – not the miracle of space but of love, plus a desire not to shine but to serve.

In the end, a friend in the congregation took our two youngsters for the evening, the turkey was perfect, and I served everything buffet-style, right down to the glazed carrots and cranberry sauce. People filled plates and stood, or sat on the few chairs, the stairs and even the floor, as they ate and visited. It was intimate and informal, just as it was meant to be.

I thought back to this incident during our Canadian Thanksgiving last month. We traveled to celebrate with family, and felt welcome even before we entered their home. A wreath graced the front door, and pumpkins and pots of chrysanthemums decorated the stairway.

The day of the dinner, the fragrance of roasting turkey tantalized us, and our daughter-in-law had everything ready and a beautiful table set well before the other guests arrived with their appetites. It was reminiscent of similar meals I’d had in the homes of our other family members. In comparison to my angst-filled efforts years before, there was warm and gracious hospitality without stress.

Some people are blessed with the gift of hospitality. They enjoy guests and have the knack of turning even the simplest fare into a shared feast. But not all of us are like that.

Despite not being a gourmet cook or a whiz at entertaining, I’ve come to accept it’s not what I do that matters, but why I do it. God looks upon my heart, not upon the deeds I perform. At least, I think that’s what he intends when he says, “Render service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man.” [Ephesians 6:7]

Now I just need someone to gently remind me of that the next time the Moderator comes to town!

Do you find offering hospitality easy or difficult? Why? What kind of entertaining do you prefer to do when a social gathering is called for? Do you think the church house (your home) should be the central spot for the congregation’s social activities and meetings, or would you rather they be held at the church?

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'” [Matthew 25:35-40]

~ ~ ~

Twitter: @caroljgarvin

On a WHIM: Your Expectations Are Showing, Part Two!

2011-11-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

By Kathy Carlton Willis

Last month I wrote about my summer look at "expectations." I felt challenged to be intentional in how I form expectations in the first place, and how to plan ahead to address unmet expectations.

There are times that no matter what we do, others will let us down. We have great expectations because we want them to live lives in the light of God's favor and blessing. But they choose a different way, flirting on the edge of darkness.

Here are some more random thoughts on expectations--especially when it requires tough love.

Sometimes others will do things that are not acceptable—that’s not judging, it’s just discerning. Because I want the best for them, my expectations will be unmet when they choose what is not acceptable.
God wants me to still love them, but I don’t have to love their attitudes or actions, and I don’t even have to like the person right then! Often, I don’t like the person they are becoming. But I can still be hopeful that they will realign more with God’s principles (because I want His best for their lives).
My prayers for these times should be more about how I can best show God’s love to them rather than praying they respond in a way I find acceptable. I should evaluate, what does God want from this? How can I share the truth in love? How can I release my feelings so they aren’t invested in this? How can I be okay if this is never resolved to my satisfaction? The answer is, to realize “it’s not about me.” It’s about reflecting God’s Light even when others don’t care to stand in that Light.
This also requires discernment to know how involved to be with someone who isn’t going to be a positive part of my life. Maybe they are toxic to me. Or maybe they choose to go down the wrong path. The words “mark and avoid” come to mind from scripture. I know that sounds severe, but sometimes loving the way God loves requires tough love. He doesn’t expect me to hold their hands when they are slapping mine!
There are times that no matter what we do to make something right, the other person isn’t going to do right, and we have no control over that. All we have control over is our response. The way we deal with our feelings. Our choices. I can choose to not keep doing favors for these toxic ones if they’re going to treat me poorly.
Love doesn’t mean we roll over and play dead. It means we will release them, much like the prodigal son, to find their way back to what God wants in their lives. It also means being willing to receive them back when they come with repentant hearts. And in the meantime, not getting worked up about it. I can’t let their poor communications skills or their inconsideration render me ineffective for God's use. I’m learning!

Now it's your turn. How will you deal with expectations in a different way? How does being in ministry affect your expectations in others, and their expectations in you?

Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works. www.kathycarltonwillis.com

Whiskery Wisdom

2011-11-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Cats: most people either hate or love them. The haters contend that felines ruin furniture, kill song birds, and consider people their slaves. The lovers argue that cats control rodents, relieve stress, and cover up their own poops.

I find my four“spoiled brats in fur suits” brimming with wisdom. Here are some insights I’ve learned from the devilish angels:

If you fight with the family cats, you won’t have energy left to ward off enemy cats.
It’s okay to have whiskers and pointy ears.
Look for a patch of sunshine and stay there.
Naps are cool.
Don’t fuss about your food, or the one who feeds you may start buying a cheaper brand.
Purring will get you everywhere.
Master the “Shocked and Innocent Look” if someone laughs at you. Better yet, stick your nose in the air and saunter away, pretending you don’t care.

Naps are fun.
Act as if you know what you’re doing even if you don’t have a clue.
Convince those around you how blessed they are to live in the same universe with you.
Refuse to give up. If one bird escapes, climb another tree.
Naps are refreshing.

Similar to cats, people are a mix of aggravating and endearing qualities. When I’m tempted to dismiss a brother or sister as too ornery to tolerate, I remember how God bears with my faults and stupid mistakes. Receiving His unconditional love frees me to love myself and others, focusing on positive qualities.

Now if I could convince my husband to see the good in our kitties…

Longing for a Little Appreciation

2011-10-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

I eased the pie from the hot oven and gently set it on the counter to cool. Since it was for my husband’s birthday, I’d wanted it to be picture perfect and just the way he likes it—homemade crust with fluted edge, freshly squeezed lemon juice, fluffy meringue. I’ve put almost two hours into this creation, I mused. I’d better get something more than his usual “It’s alright” or “Pretty good.”

The next week I turned in the manuscript for my fourth one-year devotional. No one will ever know how much time went into this project, I thought. Between crafting the proposal, researching the material, coming up with 365 different ideas, studying Scriptures—not to mention the writing—it must have added up to a couple thousand hours at least.

I wish I didn’t have such a deep need for other people’s approval and appreciation for what I do. Although I can’t match the seemingly unnatural work ethic of the “ideal” woman described in Proverbs 31, I would love to get the same reaction she does. Her children stand up and bless her for her hard work. Her husband praises her above all other women. It’s clear from the passage that a love for her family and a desire to honor God are what motivate this woman to be the best she can be. But surely she must feel warmed and honored by her family’s compliments and glad that her efforts are appreciated.

In reality, few women receive such recognition. Instead of standing up and calling us blessed, our children may just sit down and ask what’s for dinner. Our husbands are usually oblivious to all that we do behind the scenes. Our employers, coworkers, and fellow church members probably have no idea how much extra effort we put in on that last project. But it’s comforting to know that Someone notices every little thing we do, and He promises to reward us someday.

God sees every act of service on our part, whether small or great; He also sees our motivation. He knows whether our desire is to draw attention to ourselves and win admiration from other people, or to serve others and bring Him glory. We can test our motives by asking, “Would I be doing this if no one except God knew about it?” If the answer is “yes”, then we can expect a reward from our heavenly Father.

It would be nice if other people remembered to thank us for our hard work, but that won’t always happen. When we’re longing for a little appreciation, we can remember Who it is that we really serve. And we can look forward to hearing Him say the words that will make everything we ever did worth it all: “Well done, good and faithful servant”.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Each devotional in The One Year Women of the Bible focuses on a woman in the Bible and a woman today. You'll hear the perspective of faithful women like Sarah, Elizabeth, and Abigail along with the less faithful women, such as Jezebel, and lesser-known characters who are often overlooked. You'll also read about everyday contemporary women struggling with similar problems and issues. Daily practical application encourages the reader to search out the spiritual lessons and principles offered in these timeless stories.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dianne Matthews has written numerous devotionals, magazine articles, and newspaper features. Her work has appeared in Focus on the Family, The Quiet Hour, LIVE, The Christian Communicator, on websites including CBN.com, and in several compilation books. She is the author of four daily devotional books including The One Year Women of the Bible (Tyndale) and Drawing Closer to God: 365 Daily Meditations on Questions from Scripture (Baker). Dianne is a CLASS graduate and a member of Advanced Writers & Speakers, Christian Authors Network, and Toastmasters International. She and her husband, Richard, currently live in Salt Lake City and miss their three grown children and two adorable grandchildren.

You can visit Dianne at

her website: www.DianneNealMatthews.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dianne.n.matthews

Hiding in a Crowd

2011-10-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

Photo by Nokia
public album at http://share.ovi.com/

I’ve already admitted to not being the conventional pastor’s wife. (If you missed that confession you’ll find it here.) So I guess it won’t be a huge surprise to learn I’m also an introvert – a rather private person and loner. I’m less of a sit-on-the-front-porch-and-chat-with-the-neighbors kind of person, and more of a sit-on-the-back-deck-or-garden-behind-the-hedge sort.

So how does such a person reconcile the desire for privacy with her inevitable involvement in church activities? My solution was to learn how to hide in a crowd. Rather than stand around at gatherings where I risked being a target for conversation, I quickly disappeared into behind-the-scenes activities where interaction wasn’t an essential ingredient.

You might have found me up to my elbows in potato peelings prior to a church dinner, or washing dishes afterwards. I could be babysitting in the nursery, on my knees weeding the flowerbeds, labeling books in the library or putting together the monthly newsletter. They were all legitimate jobs that needed attention… as well as being on-the-fringe situations where I was comfortable.

At congregational dinners I sat between my husband and one of our children, and at coffee hours and group meetings I gravitated to those I knew from previous experience could carry any conversation with minimal help from me.

The trouble was, while I willingly hid in the background, I missed opportunities to push out of my comfort zone and grow.

When I began my own business and became the sole person making decisions involving hundreds of people, I soon learned via the sink-or-swim method how to cope with what had once seemed incredibly difficult. I discovered the truth of the it-becomes-easier-with-practice axiom, and the scripture that promises God will be with us in every situation.*

I’m still an introvert, but I’ve learned it’s possible to find an acceptable middle ground at church. For instance, music is one of my loves, and when I stepped a short distance out of my shell, God led me into the music program. Despite not liking the limelight, I agreed to direct the choir. At least it was something I could do with my back to the congregation, and, like an ostrich, I could almost believe I was invisible to everyone except my choristers.

We aren’t all asked to take leadership roles but we are called to make the best possible use of our strengths and abilities. God knows our hearts, our needs and our limitations. Hanging back is rejecting his call to service. If we’ll let him, he’ll guide us to the place where we can best serve him, and he’ll support us there whether it’s in the midst of the crowd, or on its fringe.

What forms of service have you been led into? Are they within your ‘comfort zone’ or do they require some stretching?

* “But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going.  I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.” [Isaiah 42:16 - The Message]

Twitter: @caroljgarvin

And You Call Yourself a Christian?

2011-10-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being labeled can be a good thing; other times being labeled feel like a cruel target.
I wear the label Christian as both a blessing and a curse. My mind grapples with God's great grace toward me because I deserve something entirely different. I deserve condemnation. The scarlet letter S for sinner sounds more apprioriate than saint. I should steal Paul's title, The Chief of Sinners!

This agony of how fallen we are can warp our confidence. Still, Christ knew just how wretched we were when He chose to put on flesh and die in our place. Try wrapping your mind around that miracle.

Then Christ calls us His children, and our label changes to something eternally sacred. A relationship blossoms and on days when we are doing pretty good with our sin nature we feel secure and set in heavenly places. Possibly then we get comfortable and we revert and a bad day springs up before we can stop it and we stumble, slip, and stagger back into bad habits. Which lends way to the voices that start speaking louder than the Truth.

And you call yourself a Christian.

Christians don't get angry.

Christians read their Bible more.

Christians pray without ceasing.

Christians don't make the same mistakes over and over again.

And you call yourself a Christian.

Christianity isn't a checklist. It's not a ritual or a routine. Christianity is a moment by moment confession of our need for Jesus Christ to envelope us and equip us to overcome. He even helps us overcome ourselves. We feel cursed when we can't measure up. We feel cursed when we miss the mark.

Here is where Jesus helped me hear Him over the lies. As a mother I want my children to know I love them unconditionally. It doesn't matter how they mess up-- they belong to me. Each of us belong to God regardless of our condition. Hello- He can handle the challenge of cleaning us up! We can stop beating ourselves up, pick ourselves up, and barrel back into Christ's arms. He's waiting on you. Whatever your plight is confess it and let His love cover it. Every confession that you bring to feet of our Lord cradles you deeper in His embrace.

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither
angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans
8:38-39)

Let's wear our label with appreciation and awe. Today, I want you to join me in transfixing our eyes on the present and not the past. We are redeemed. We belong to a divine relationship. We are ready to believe who God says we are-- His children.

We are Christians who sin-less.

We are Christians who strive every day.

We are Christians who stick to God's plan.

We are Christians who stuff the Word into our hearts.

And yes, we are calling ourselves Christians.

Share with me in the comments: Do you struggle to stand sure? Do your

shortcomings keep you from embracing eternal deliverance?

Tamika Eason is a passionate wife, writer, and awestruck mother to three daughters. She is amazed by God's great grace- that He chooses to love a woman so full of unworthiness. She and her husband serve in ministry in Austin, Texas.
You can find her writing inspirational fiction that showcases the power of supernatural love, and blogging at The Potter's Wheel http://www.tamikaeason.com/

Marriage Monday: Communication Differences

2011-10-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

To this day, some of the most helpful marriage-related teaching I've ever heard has to do with the differences in the way men and women receive, process, and respond to information. Even after 21+ years, I occasionally have to remind myself of the differences between myself and my darling hubby in the way we interact and communicate.

The last few months, as we've been transitioning out of full-time ministry and into God-knows-what (I mean that VERY literally!), my beloved Audi TT decided to have "issues."As money is tight these days, we opted to try a fix-it-yourself on the car.

During the multiple days he spent battling my tiny auto, I would occasionally wander out to the garage to see how things were going. Attempting to interact with a man while he's working on the car (or working at any task, but particularly those he doesn't enjoy) is not conducive to marital bliss. My normally easy-going, happy-go-lucky hubby was testy, short-tempered, and generally not very pleasant. In my younger years I would have been traumatized and taken his bad attitude personally, then been offended and upset later.

Thanks to messages like the one below, however, I know better. He wasn't mad at me. He was in his own personal "auto zone." No, not the car parts store ... that zone of the male brain that is set apart for working on cars.

Men have lots of "zones." There's the pastor friend who told his wife not to talk to him in the morning before he ministers because he has his "game face" on.Or the young newlywed who loses himself in video games for hours on end – his response to pressure at work.And all the fellas whose wives have declared themselves "football widows" or "hunting season widows" or "golf widows."

When hubby responds in ways that seem out of character, or ways that seem short-tempered, or when it doesn't seem like he's paying attention to me at all, I need to remember it probably has nothing to do with me personally. It has to do with the "box" or "zone" he's in at the moment. Much the same way I hope and pray that when I burst into hysterical tears because my car is broken and I can't fix it and I don't contribute financially to the household and I feel guilty because I'm selfish and I know I'm not thankful enough because my mother called me an ingrate once when I was eight ... yeah ... I hope he remembers the plate of spaghetti (you'll have to watch the video...)

My prayer for you is that you'll remember, when the opportunity arises in your own marriage, this funny and fitting word picture... Enjoy!

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About the Author: Niki writes fiction, blog posts, articles in the local newspaper, grocery lists, and Facebook status updates. She can be found at her own blog, In Truer Ink, in addition to posting here and at The Pastor's Wife Speaks. She was a 2009 finalist in the Faith, Hope, and Love "Touched by Love" contest. She and her husband pioneered a church plant in 1998 and pastored that church until 2011 before turning the work over to another couple. Nowadays, she's enjoying being a grandma to her first grandbaby and waiting to see what God has in store for the next season of life!

Tips to Slow Down in this Busy Fall Season - by Judy Christie

2011-10-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

Be sure to look at the end of this post to find how you might win a copy of Judy's book.

Most busy wives and mothers are list-keepers – notes here and there about errands to run, meetings to attend, bills to pay, and places the family needs to be.

Maybe you’re like me and get satisfaction when you check items off these lists. (OK, confess: Have you ever written something on a list just so you could check it off? I have.)

In this busy fall season, already with hints of the holidays ahead, it is important to consider tools that can help you with all those to-do items and to remember that you can’t do everything. You’re not supposed to do everything! A few tips:

Shift your thinking, just as the seasons are shifting. Your role is important and demanding. Think positively, expecting things to work out for the best. Take a fresh look at your schedule and make needed changes. Don’t be afraid to say “no” sometimes.
Shape your busy afternoon and evening routines deliberately. Consider what is important to you and your family, and plan evenings accordingly. Write your schedule down, tweaking it as needed when unexpected things arise. Take marginal activities off your schedule to add things that mean more.
Make good choices for your own time. Perhaps you need another reminder here: you cannot do everything. You will drive yourself (and your family) crazy if you try. Model a calmer, more meaningful way of life – helping those around you to understand that life is full of great choices. It takes wisdom and courage to make the best ones. Don’t keep adding on a little activity here or a small request there. Those add up to burnout and fatigue.
Work with your children on homework habits – getting it done earlier in the evening, so that you aren’t scrambling, nagging, pushing at bedtime.
Help your children choose good extracurricular activities -- guiding them and not overloading. Kids today have so many pressures, and they often fill their schedules to the breaking point. Help them learn more about themselves – and whether they want to be in the band or play football or volunteer at a hospital or be a youth group leader at church.
Add fun to your to-do list. Don’t focus only on “ought-to’s.” Laugh with your family and friends.
Take care of yourself. Have hobbies and friends, and go out with your spouse, even in the busy seasons. Take renewal time – and do it without feeling guilty. Fill up your personal gas tank, so that you have more to offer, not always running on empty.
Pray about your calendar. Your weeks fill up quickly, and they require focus and attention. Ask God to guide you as you choose how you will spend each hour.

Thank you for the amazing ways you touch lives.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Judy Christie loves to help busy people slow down and enjoy each day more. She’s a speaker and the author of the popular Hurry Less Worry Less series, including Hurry Less, Worry Less at Christmas which now includes an Advent study, recipes and more tips. Judy likes to visit with friends and family on her old green Kitchen Couch (bought for $40 at the church where she grew up) and writes in her journal on an antique glider. She is the author of the Green series of novels, including the recent Rally 'Round Green about life in the small town of Green, LA. Her first Young Adult novel, Wreath, came out this month.

For more info on Judy, see www.judychristie.com. Judy loves to chat with readers at www.facebook.com/judychristie and http://twitter.com/judypchristie. For free Hurry Less Worry Less tips, visit her weekly podcast on iTunes. She also enjoys visiting with book clubs and church groups via Skype or telephone!

ABOUT THE BOOK
Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms is full of practical tips and encouragement for busy moms who are exhausted from juggling and want to enjoy each day more. Moms know the feeling. They’re constantly trying to fit everything – work, laundry, family fun, shuttle service, you name it - into 24-hours. They want to enjoy each day with their family but sometimes feel like they’re in quicksand and don’t know how to get started on a new path. Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms offers ways to take a fresh look and make needed changes and includes a study guide for group or individual use.

WIN THE BOOK
If you’d like to be entered to win a copy of Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms, just leave a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner at random on Wednesday, October 19th. Please leave an email address so I can contact you if you're the winner. (To prevent spammers from trolling for your email, please use this format with the brackets--you [at] yourmail [dot] com--or something similar.) Good luck!

On a WHIM: Your Expectations Are Showing!

2011-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

By Kathy Carlton Willis

This past summer I spent a great amount of time considering expectations: the way others let me down, and the way I end up letting others down. We all seem to deal with too many unmet and unrealistic expectations. Most of my stress involves expectations of some sort or another.

When it comes to expectations, I truly am learning to give the benefit of the doubt—but I’m also praying a little differently today based on some discernment that came over the summer.

I’m learning:

To communicate more clearly and not expect people to read my mind, or attempt to read their minds.
To realize everyone has “life stuff” that keeps them from fulfilling their commitments, and I need to be as flexible with others as I hope they will be with me. That Golden Rule again!
When others reply or react in a way I find unacceptable, I have several options in handling the situation. First, I need to take it out of the realm of “feelings” and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions. Wait to react and respond after I have a plan to do it the right way. I must be intentional in disengaging my feelings from the response so that I’m not allowing my buttons to be pushed.
Sometimes when others respond in ways that irritate me, it’s because I had in my mind a more acceptable response and they missed the mark. Here’s my expectations showing: I expect others to respond to situations the way I would respond to them. Since my first goal in any misunderstanding is to make sure I reassure the other party and alleviate their concerns, I expect others to be that way with me. Only after I reassure someone, would I tackle the issues in order to resolve problems. When others don’t treat conflicts with me in that same manner, they let me down. I need to realize, not everyone is wired to affirm others—they may be more straightforward to acknowledge and address issues.
My timetable is not the same as others. My priorities aren’t the same as others. I need to give more of a grace period (I like the word “grace” in that), and be okay with the differences, even thanking God that we are all different.

It’s not healthy to wait until the middle of a disappointment to come up with a game plan for dealing with the situation. With advance planning, we can have a strategy in place to handle issues. I know when people are “in the moment,” feelings can make matters worse—distort perceptions. Come back on November 4^th and learn how to deal with your expectations when others let you down—where does tough love fit into the picture?

When you think about it, what have you learned from your own expectations, and in the expectations others have toward you?

Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works. www.kathycarltonwillis.com

Let Me Have a Bad Day

2011-10-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

When the kids were five and two, we began a traveling singing ministry. Our congregation didn’t meet on Sunday nights, so we were free then, as well as weeknights. We sang in churches, clubs, seniors’ groups, whoever would have us. I think the kids were the big drawing card, but people also seemed to like our music, most of it written by Kevin.

The day after a concert for a seniors’ club, the chairman called tell us how much everyone enjoyed it.

“Oh, thank you,” I said. “I’ve had a lousy morning; it makes my day to hear a compliment.”

“Now, I can’t believe you would ever have a bad day!” he answered.

Oh, puleeeeze!

I wanted to shout, “You dummy! People in ministry have horrible, awful, very bad days, too. Perhaps more than ‘normal’ people. We are constant targets for the devil’s traps and schemes.”

But, I didn’t. I just made fluffy little preacher’s wife comment #103 and politely thanked him again for calling.

I wonder why people think we are immune to grumpiness, misunderstandings, and bad attitudes? Just because our calling is to teach, preach, sing or write the gospel doesn’t make us impervious to demonic grenades.

All believers are in a battle, but ministers and their families are on the front lines. Satan tries harder to take us down, because we are in positions to influence huge numbers believers. Non-believers watch us closely, too.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I like being in ministry. Most days.

I just want people to be real, and allow me to be real, too.

Are you shocked when someone in leadership admits they have horrible days? Do you pray for them? They'll love you if you do.

Mismatched or Mismanaged? : Marriage Monday

2011-10-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

The implosion of a marriage is a painful thing to witness.

A couple in our church, both of them in leadership, people who genuinely loved God (I believe), simply fell apart before our eyes. One day everything seemed fine (to the outside observer) and the next day an affair was exposed. A short time later, they divorced and went their separate ways.

About a year later, it happened again with another couple, friends of ours in ministry. I wept for them, ached for both of them as their relationship ruptured, rumors spread and reputations were damaged. The dissolution of a marriage is painful for everyone involved – children, friends, church, family, coworkers, neighbors. It's like watching conjoined twins be ripped apart without benefit of anesthesia.

Adultery was exposed in another marriage within the same time frame. And it wasn't the first time. Part of me (flesh) wanted to hire a hit man to administer suitable punishment to the offending party. I was mad. The "offendee," however, was far more spiritual than I, choosing to stay and make it work through forgiveness, through wise counsel, and behavioral adaptation. When we stand before Jesus in heaven I know there will be a huge jewel in the crown she lays at His feet...

In the fourth situation, the wife was, in my opinion, "a pusher." Ambitious for success in ministry, she had an agenda, and her husband was part of her plan. He couldn't take the pressure, and fell away... not just from the marriage, but from his calling and from the church, as is often the case in such situations.

When you don't know the people involved, it's easy to judge. It's easy to point fingers and say, "it's her fault" or "it's his fault," but when you are friends with both parties, suddenly things are a little more complicated. It's also easy to fall back on some of the classic Christian cop-outs like, "We weren't even saved when we got married." Or, "We must have missed God. He didn't mean for us to be together." Hmm.

If you've been married for any length of time, you've probably wondered at least once (in a moment of distress) if you "missed God" when you married your spouse. (If not, hats off to you!) What if you'd married so-and-so? What if you hadn't married at all? I think the enemy (and the world) like to get us over in that "what if" mindset. If the devil can convince us that our marriage is a "mismatch," we lose hope and quit putting forth effort when the road gets rough for some reason.

Frequently, however, what looks like a mismatch is often a case of marital mismanagement. In the same way a corporation can be mismanaged, so can a marriage. Failure to communicate, or poor communication skills; lousy leadership skills; misunderstanding of motives and needs; or misplaced expectations on either (or both) sides that lead to disappointment and disillusionment.

Here's the good news: mismanagement can be corrected, if both parties are willing to cooperate. Before you yield (or let someone you're ministering to) yield to the "mismatched" theory, consider the possibility that mismanagement on one, or both, sides is the problem, and that can be fixed!

Finding the Firm Path

2011-10-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

The beach was abandoned, but it was evident many had been there ahead of me. A multitude of footprints dimpled the sun-warmed expanse, and as I wandered along it was impossible not to add my own. Ankle deep, the loose sand shifted with each step and made walking difficult, until I neared the water’s edge.

There the damp sand was firm and unblemished. The constant movement of waves had rinsed and rolled the grains into a well-packed pathway along the shoreline. Even the slight indentations created by my steps were quickly eliminated by the water, as if it were determined to keep the area closest to it from being marred.

It was impossible not to think of the words of Jeremiah 17:13b: “Lord, … those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the LORD, the spring of living water.” There are many biblical references to living water. God said he is “the spring of living water.” [Jeremiah 2:13] Jesus told the woman at the well if she had known of his gifts and asked him, he “would have given her living water.” [John 4:10] We’re told those who believe in him will find themselves filled and overflowing with living water. [John 7:38]

But first we have to place ourselves in a position where his mercy, grace and blessing can wash over us. We need to draw near so he can cleanse away the marks of our sin and failures and renew us from his eternal spring. The sand is only firm under our feet when we stay close to him as our continuous source of life-giving water.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.” [Revelation 21:6b]

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” [1 John 1:9]

Twitter: @caroljgarvin

When The Pastor's Wife Needs Correction

2011-09-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

Last week, my friend Carmen called me for some counsel on how to handle a situation between she and her pastor’s wife. Her pastor’s wife gives leadership to a ministry in which Carmen’s 11 year-old son is a member. In preparation for the ministry event, her pastor’s wife made a comment to Carmen’s son that was offensive to Carmen and hurtful to her son. Though Carmen had observed her pastor's wife to be curt and somewhat standoffish with other people, she concluded the comment was probably more thoughtless and careless than malicious. But, Carmen also knew she needed to address the issue--most mothers would have agreed. The issue for Carmen was: “How do I correct my pastor’s wife? She is supposed to be the leader. She is supposed to set the example of good communication.”

After listening to Carmen’s story, I, too, agree that she needed to address the issue—but, not as a mama-bear protecting her cub. Instead, she had to make sure she was in a space in which her motive really was to bring the best out of her pastor’s wife. Further, I asked Carmen: “Why do you think your pastor’s wife is supposed to be a model of good communication? Where did she learn that? Who taught her?” After all, pastors and their wives are like everyone else: maybe we grew up in homes that exhibited godly and healthy communication, but maybe we didn’t. Maybe we have been intentional on working on our own issues, or maybe we haven’t. Maybe we have perfected some of our shortcomings, but in other areas we are still works in progress. Like all those in the body of Christ, pastors and their wives have to learn what it means to die and surrender to self so that our lives, our actions, and our words exhibit fruits of the spirit—love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness and the like. How else will we learn if no one is willing to give us a biblical reproof?

This episode with Carmen and her pastor’s wife did get me to thinking if I was approachable to a member of my church if they felt I had wronged them? I hope so. But, the reality is, there is no way around this being a sticky situation.

So, I ask you pastor’s wives: Do you think before you speak? Do you weigh your words? Are you open to correction?

And, I ask you, parishioners the same questions. In addition, do you unrealistically believe your pastor’s wife is a paragon of all things good? Are you willing to operate from a motive that brings that best out of other believers in the body, including your pastor’s wife?

We can only grow and mature if we are friends with correction.
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” Proverbs 12:1.

Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor at North Carolina Central University in the Department of English and Mass Communication. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr. who pastors Watts Chapel Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC.

The Love Principle

2011-09-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy month. It started with me preparing to speak to a women's group in my town, and I was feeling the pressure. The coordinator called a few days after she extended the invitation and gave me a spill of what they were trying to work towards. The women of the congregation were divided. The ministries were suffering, and membership would soon feel the ripple. My heart bleed for them. Church people, Lord help us, I thought.

As much as I tried to prepare and write something to guide the session, the Lord wouldn't bend. My words dried up as soon as I sat down at the computer. He said to me one night in the shower that this wouldn't be a standing lecturing session. These women needed something more intimate.

The coordinator was concerned about bridging a gap between the members. I was concerned about bridging the gap between the women and God.

They selected the scripture passage from Titus 3. While, preparing I learned two lessons.

God desires relationship. We find more than our individual roles with this Titus 3 passage. We glimpse God's heart for our relationship with one another. He created us to invest in one another. Every generation is meant to guide in love and good example. We are responsible for one another more than we may have ever been willing to admit.

God demands reconciliation. We must never forget our unworthiness. There is nothing in us that deserves our inheritance in Christ, except that His love reconciled us to Himself. That should make it easy to love our sisters~ inspite of. Christ left no room for exceptions. Period. Love.

Sometimes starting over is the best solution. We have to give each other new mercies. I believe that is what God is calling for in His people. He does it, so can we. That day, we cried, we confessed, we commited to doing what we were created for.

"A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34)."

How do you hold up with loving others? Are you tempted to throw your hands up with difficult church members?

You can find her writing inspirational fiction that showcases the power of supernatural love, and in October 2011 blogging at The Potter's Wheel

http://www.tamikaeason.com/

Answering the submission question

2011-09-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little political furor to bring a Biblical topic to the forefront. All of a sudden, the Christian S-word (submission) is in the news. What that means for us as women in ministry, or wives of ministers, is that we'd better be ready to answer questions on the touchy subject of marital submission.

5 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. 6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. Col 4:5-6 NKJV

Are Christian women expected to be blindly obedient to whatever our husbands tell us to do, like those fictional women (robots) from Stepford?

Does submission make us less valuable, or of less importance to God, than the men we're married to?

Is God a chauvinist? Does God hate women?

Hardly. A brief glance at the ministry of Jesus reveals God's heart and thoughts toward women. Jesus never rejected, or oppressed, the women who came to Him. He repeatedly defied the religious standards toward woman in His actions, demonstrating Paul's later writings to the Galatian church that "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Gal 3:28-29 NKJV

It's not God the Father who oppresses women. It's a demonic spirit of religiosity. Whether that religiosity takes the form of Islam, Hindu, Catholicism, or evangelical Christianity, wherever you find oppression and suppression of the daughters of God you'll find that evil spirit. Jesus NEVER oppressed women.

On the other end of the spectrum, modern media has taken to "dumbing down" husbands and men in general. However you feel about the power of confession, it seems to me that calling my husband an idiot (with whom I am, according to Scripture, ONE FLESH) is contradictory to anything I might desire...

FYI: This is NOT submission...

In the New Testament, ALL Christians are commanded to submit to the Lord, to one another, and to those who are in authority. (Rom 13:1,5; 1 Cor 16:16; Eph 5:21; Heb 13:17; Jam 4:7; 1 Pet 2:13, 18)
Wives are specifically directed to submit to their husbands in Paul's epistles to the churches at Ephesus and Colossae.

The Greek word for submission is the word hupotasso, which literally means "to come under assignment" or "under commission." We submit to the governing authorities, to our husbands, and to each other, as an assignment or commission, from God. It's not blind obedience to a human being.

In my opinion, the best explanation of hupotasso is to come under, or alongside, the mission of another. Helpers. Partners. God has given our husbands an assignment, and in respect to that assignment, we are called along as helpers. (You may very well have your OWN assignment, but if you're married, you are also called to aid your husband in fulfilling his divine commission.) What's your hubby's assignment? First, to raise up a godly household, to bring up children in the knowledge of the Lord. Second, whatever calling is placed on your husband, whether pastor or evangelist or missionary or ???

Does that mean (as so many fear) that we become "yes-women" to our husbands? No. It means, as partners and helpers, we prayerfully consider the course our husband/team leader is taking, and act accordingly. As team members, we understand the vision we hope to attain, and we take into consideration every action in light of that vision. And, as dedicated team members, when the direction or plan or focus seems "off," we are willing to raise our hands and ask a question.

One minister put it this way: "submission is a respectful response." We are commanded to give a respectful response to our husbands. Submission is not a blanket agreement with everything he says or does, but a respectful response. A husband who is committed to the Lord and committed to his wife as a gift from God, will readily hear her questions and receive her insight, taking those things with him to the Lord in seeking direction. A foolish man (like Abigail's husband, Nabal) will ignore his wife's advice and run his own way. Another kind of foolish man listens to his wife INSTEAD of listening to the Lord (Adam, Abraham).

Submission isn't a curse or a punishment. It's a tremendous responsibility to pray and hear from heaven, and to be willing to bring what we "hear" with our spiritual ears to our husbands,with whom we are partnered for the fulfillment of a divine calling.

Is the private in the Army less valuable than the general? No... his or her life is just as important, even though they had different assignments.

Is a woman submitted to her husband somehow "less" than a single woman? Nope, it just means she has an additional assignment on her plate beyond the one God has given her individually.

Niki Turner is feeling her way through a new season of living. She turned 40 last year, became a grandma in April 2011, and at the end of June, she and her husband turned over the pastorate of the church they planted 13 years ago and are "recovering from the effects of heat" while God prepares them for their next assignment.

When God Turns Lives Around

2011-09-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings
and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord . . . Acts 9:1

Saul sought to destroy the young church at Jerusalem. He hated this new religion that came to existence because of a man who “showed up” the Pharisees. So he obtained letters from the high priest to take to Damascus where he intended to round up those nasty Christ-followers and bring them to Jerusalem for punishment.

But he never completed his mission. The Lord, Jesus Christ, halted him in his tracks. It was a frightening experience of blinding light from Heaven, a voice only he could hear, and a conviction that drove hate far from his heart.

Then this murderer of Christians, this man who watched the good Stephen stoned, was converted. Saul entered the city of Damascus a blind man. But God had prepared the way for him. God spoke to Ananias in a vision.

Can you imagine the fear Ananias must have experienced? “Lord, I have heard by many of this man, how much evil he hath done to thy saints at Jerusalem: and here he hath authority from the chief priests to bind all that call on thy name.” (Acts 9:13)

Ananias trusted the Lord, and obeyed. Now, because of the conversion of an angry, hate-filled man, and because of another who trusted the words of the Lord, we have the Gospel preached to the Gentiles and the teachings of God.

Yes, it is possible, God could have raised another, but God chose Saul (later known as Paul). “But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name’s sake.” (Acts 9:15)

I have heard stories, and I have met people whose lives were full of wickedness before they turned their hearts over to the Lord. People you wouldn’t want to meet on the street. Individuals most people would consider a bane on society, not worthy to receive a second chance. Yet, God gave it to them.

I am so grateful to my God who is willing to stop a murderer or a hardened criminal on his mission and to turn him from his ways, enabling him to follow Christ.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation,

that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners;

of whom I am chief.

I Timothy 1:15

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lynn Squire loves the Lord, loves her husband, and loves her three children. When she's not serving her church or serving her family, she writes. Her book, Joab's Fire, is now available on Amazon.com. You can read more of her work at http://www.presentingbiblicaltruths.com/.

Power Poles With a Purpose

2011-09-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

My first reaction was frustration. All this beautiful scenery to photograph, but every opportunity was spoiled by a crisscross of electrical wires. Mile after mile of telephone poles and power lines.

“I wish I could make them all disappear,” I muttered to my hubby as we drove north toward our wilderness cabin last month. Then I laughed. They would disappear soon enough. Our cabin is some 20km beyond reach of a telephone pole. There we have to depend on our generator if we have a temporary need for electricity.

Normally we’re pretty self-sufficient. We use kerosene lamps, candles and flashlights for light, and wood or propane for cooking. We carry water by bucket from the creek and climb the hill to the biffy when required. The conveniences we take for granted at home aren’t considered necessities on vacation. Only in perceived emergencies do we yank the generator into action – when the babe’s feeding pump needs recharging, or my laptop dies while I’m writing to a deadline. The men occasionally use it to power a skill saw for a building project when the chainsaw is too big and the handsaw too small.

This periodic dependence reminds me of my relationship to God. It’s so easy to take his presence for granted, knowing He’s there if I have a particular need, but ignoring Him when I don’t. It’s not a deliberate snub, just an unawareness of the role He wants to play in the ordinary aspects of my days.

Immersed in a church-dominated lifestyle it can feel like I’m walking the right path, even if I’m not conscious of God’s presence. But I’ve learned it’s possible to drift beyond the vital connection I need, leaving Him just out of arm’s reach while I rely on my own abilities. That’s usually the time my internal battery subtly begins to lose its charge… when enthusiasm declines and I start feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities and schedule-itis.

God is always there when I call upon Him, but I sometimes wonder if he resents being yanked into action only when I have an emergency. How much better it would be if I maintained a steady moment-to-moment connection with Him, allowing His power to constantly flow into and through me!

Next time I’m tempted to resent all those unsightly overhead wires I’ll remember they have an important purpose, conveying electricity across the country to those in need of it. They’ll also serve as a personal reminder of Him who is the provider of all power and source of my strength.

Have you ever resented something that ended up being good for you?

“God is my strength and power: and he makes my way perfect.”
(2 Samuel 22:33, KJV)

~ ~ ~

New Beginnings

2011-09-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

For those of us with children, or educators ourselves, we are back in the full swing of school. Some of us have been in school for nearly a month now. Since the First grade, I have absolutely loved the first day of school! I now get to relive the first day of school with my girls—my youngest started kindergarten this year, and boy was that exciting! But, as a college professor, I get to experience a “first “day twice a year. Of course the first day of school is really my second favorite day after commencement, and the first day of the spring semester is not as exciting as the first day of the fall semester. Nonetheless, I love the first day because of the new beginnings it represents.

My kindergartner, four weeks later, is still excited about what she is learning every day. She is most excited about reading. This week, as we were reading a story together, she stopped at every sentence with a question mark to gleefully declare, “It’s a question mark! It’s asking a question!” This is a new beginning for her. I am excited when most of my students are determined to get an “A” at the beginning of the semester. Among other courses, I teach the introductory course to the mass communication major and an upper-level course. This means I have the privilege of teaching most majors in my department twice. And, unfortunately, sometimes I have them twice because they have to repeat a class. Recently, I graded the first assignment in my upper-level course. About 80% of the students I have had before in other classes, so I am aware of some of their academic strengths and weakness. I held my breath when I got to Bobby’s paper (of course that is not his really name); Bobby’s work has been less than stellar in the past. Finally, I got to the end, and I could let out my sigh. Bobby followed the directions. Bobby completed the assignment. Bobby earned all his points. Bobby and I are experiencing a new beginning! I am secretly rooting for Bobby because I never take pleasure in seeing a student repeat a class.

The first day of school reminds my relationship with the Lord. He offers me new beginnings all the time. Despite the fact that I have fallen short, or I have said something I shouldn’t have said, or thought many of thoughts I should not have, He offers me new beginnings. One of my favorite lines in the hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness” is “Morning by morning new mercies I see…” I am glad I don’t have to rely on the mercies of yesterday, last week or last, year. Instead, I can count on brand new mercies-- new beginnings. Is there an area or relationship in your life that can stand a new beginning? Now is the time to make that happen. And guess what? It is awesome we don’t have to wait until the first day of school.

Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor at North Carolina Central University in the Department of English and Mass Communication. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr. who pastors Watts Chapel Baptish Church in Raliegh, NC.

Squirrel! Made You Look

2011-09-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, like all who enjoyed Up, I tend to over use the squirrel! distraction far too much. But bear with me as I use it just one more time.

Have you ever thought about what is an idol?

According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary: An idol is anything which usurps the place of God in the hearts of his rational creatures.

Hmm. Interesting. What usurps the place of God in my heart? The kind of a distraction like a squirrel is to a dog who should be minding his master.

A Hebrew word translated as "idol" is miphletseth and it means horrid thing, or horrible thing. This word was used for the object that the mother of Asa made in a grove.

Did you know that the worshipers of idols are said to be under Satan's control?

To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. (Acts 26:18)

What idols of today keep people in darkness?

My husband watched Megamind with our kids. I was gone for the evening, but later asked him what he thought of the movie. He turned green around the gills and said that he wouldn't let the kids watch it again. Why? Because of the music, "Highway to Hell" and "Back in Black."

Perhaps for some people these songs would have no ill-effect but, for my husband, it left a very bad taste in his mouth. These songs, to him, represented a style of music and lyrics that calls people away from God into a very dark world and holds them there.

Since I did not listen to this type of music in my youth, I probably wouldn't have recognized what the songs represented. Likely, it wouldn't have drawn me to "the dark side." But for some people such music provides another venue for Satan to control them.

What does draw me? Busyness. I like to be busy, and my endless dreaming up of new things to do sometimes pulls me away from trusting God to lead me. I'm like the dog who sees the squirrel and chases after it.

There are probably many other things that I am tempted to allow usurp God in my life. I recognize how easy it is for me to be deceived into believing I am worshiping God, or at least not dishonoring Him, when some minute distraction pulls me away from following Him--things that are my Squirrel!

Finger Foods: Not for Wimps

2011-09-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

The idea of serving finger foods began innocently enough. At a monthly meeting of the Missionary Mamas, Mrs. Practical suggested we bring tea sandwiches, veggie plates and fruit skewers to our next church supper rather than the standard noodles, fried chicken and cherry cobblers.

“It will save us preparation time, we won’t have to wash silverware, and finger foods tend to be healthier,” she said. Sounded reasonable to our mama ears. We decided to give it a trial run. Little did we imagine we were guillotining the mainstay of our fellowship suppers: recipes handed down from one mama to another, delighting the souls and taste buds of all who partake.

I realize that Nora’s homemade noodles contain enough fat to give the Loch Ness a coronary, but they glide down your throat ten times smoother than a celery stick with fat-free peanut butter. LuAnn’s’ bacon and ranch cheese ball may make my gallbladder throw a hissy fit, but it entertains my tongue far better than wheatsome squares with cucumber slices cut thinner than my patience. And skewered melon balls just don’t zing for me like Tonya’s double chocolate fudge cake.

We ladies used to catch up on the best methods for removing grape juice stains from upholstery and updates on new babies while we washed casserole dishes and cake pans. Now we just flip the plastic containers from fruit and veggie trays into the trash and wave goodbye. So you see how this whole finger food obsession is ruining our deep Christian fellowship.

Yes, I know Jesus served rolls and fish to the crowds. But that was a picnic, and centuries before anyone invented green bean casserole, shepherd’s pie, or apple fritters. I’m positive He won’t settle for finger foods at His marriage supper.

“Nutty with a dash of meat” best describes Jeanette Levellie’s speaking, writing and life. She has published hundreds of humor/inspirational columns, articles, greeting cards, and poems. A spunky pastor’s wife, Jeanette is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to four cats. Find her mirthful musings at www.jeanettelevellie.com

Built to Specs: Marriage Monday

2011-09-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

by Niki Turner

My husband works in construction (he released his pastorate in July). For the past few years he has been blessed, in light of the economy, to work on a trio of expensive second homes. "Hunting cabins," they call them. Minor mansions, in my opinion.

These "ginormous" houses are beautiful examples of fine workmanship, built to the owner's individual specifications, right down to the heights of the baseboards. "Built to specs," it's called, in the business. Not just meeting or exceeding local building codes, but fulfilling the specific demands, needs, and requirements of the property owner.

For example, one of the homeowners has lots of kids and grandkids. Beyond the eight or so bedroom suites, he requested a sandbox room for the basement. Not a sandbox in the yard. Not one of those sand tables. An entire room, filled with sand, for his grandkids to play in. That's a cool grandpa!
None of the guys on the crew had ever built a sandbox room before, but they came up with something and built it to suit.

What, you ask, does this have to do with marriage?

God has put in you everything you need to be the ideal "helper comparable" for your spouse. Not only are you built to God's code (see Psalm 139), you are built to specification, whether your husband realizes it or not (remember, God knows your hubby better than anyone).

Six different Hebrew words are used in Genesis to describe the process of creation. Regarding the creation of man, God formed (yatsar) the man from the dust of the ground and "breathed into his nostrils the breath of life;" (Gen 2:7 NJKV).

When it came time to create woman, a different word is used, however. In Gen 2:21-22, we're told God took one of Adam's ribs and made (banah) the woman.

What's the difference? As one writer explains, "the formation of Eve isnot a new work, but the fashioning of a body for Eve as she was being taken outof Adam's side. The Hebrew uses banah ('toconstruct') instead of yatsar indescribing the formation of Eve's physical form. Eve is a work of art requiringcare and attention, Adam was merely molded from theclay of the earth.)" Events in the Life of Adam
God looked at Adam, realized Adam needed a "helper comparable" and built Eve to specs. Perfectly designed, perfectly formed for her man.

I believe God has done the same with each of us, working in us as the Master Craftsman to meet the specific, individual needs of our individual men. Feeling incompetent in your role as wife? Don't fret, you are built to specifications! God has put within you (and He can always pop in to make adjustments as needed, like any good contractor) whatever your spouse needs, so that the two of you are fulfilled and complete, a picture of Christ and the church.

When We Can’t See Clearly

2011-09-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

This photo was taken last week while vacationing at our lakeside cabin. It looked a lot like fall as we clambered out of our sleeping bags that morning. At breakfast we resigned ourselves to a cooler day of non-beach activities. Yet within the hour the mist dissipated and revealed previously hidden blue skies and warm sunshine.

I stood at the window and wished misunderstandings could dissolve as easily. Not long ago one of our church members had spoken to me about a hurtful comment from another member. It likely hadn’t been intentionally unkind, but it caused the person to consider leaving the church. Why is the pastor’s wife the one people confide in? My husband’s the one trained for this. I hate being in the middle of conflicts. My stomach tilts, my palms go damp and diplomatic words elude me. “Oh, please give me your words, Lord!”

God is always faithful. Though I don’t recall them later, words did come, wrapped in compassion born of love, and I left the rest to Him. I don’t understand why there is unpleasantness and discord in His church; only He knows the hearts of His people and His plans for them.

The morning fog reminded me of The Message’s version of 1 Corinthians 13:12 – “We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”

A little mist on a lazy holiday morning isn’t a big deal. But in relationships, fog-shrouded vision can cause distorted communication and misunderstandings. Lack of correct focus can blur the edges of common sense. With singleness of purpose we must try to walk in the light of God’s love and strive to develop and apply the fruits of the spirit* in all our relationships.

~ ~ ~

“Peace to the brethren, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity.” [Ephesians 6:23-24]

* “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.” [Galatians 5:22-23a]

On a WHIM: Expiration Date

2011-09-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

Expiration Date

By Kathy Carlton Willis

"Is it okay to use cheese that has mold on it? Can't I just cut off the mold and use the good part?"

This was a recent question on the Rachel Ray television show. It got my attention because I'm guilty of letting food park in my refrigerated "garage" too long. I hate to let things go to waste, but I won't use food that might make me sick. So how do you know?

Rachel Ray answered the cheese question by saying the moldy cheese will never taste as good again, even if the mold is removed, UNLESS it was a moldy cheese to begin with, such as gorgonzola. She went on to mention another offensive item in the refrigerator, anything past its expiration date. I've heard it time and time again that the expiration date is there for a reason—I get that. but what if the date is a "sell by" date instead? Then how do you know if the item is still okay? Usually it is the milk that has a sell by date, and there is an easy way to tell if it has gone bad—if you are willing to recruit your nose for the job!

One tip I learned early in my marriage was how to know if eggs are still fresh (and these can be used past the expiration date). Put the suspicious egg in a bowl of salted cold water. If it floats, throw it out. If it sinks, it is fresh. If it swims somewhere in the middle of the water-neither floating or sinking-it is safe to use for baking or for deviled eggs, but not fresh enough for an eggs and bacon breakfast.

All this talk about expiration dates got me to thinking about our time to leave this earth. Some believe when it is your time to go, it will happen no matter what you do to alter the date and time. I know a few cases documented in the Bible of people who actually were able to bargain with God for a later expiration date.

One thing we should focus on more than the expiration date is the "use by" date. Yep—I fooled you. That is the same as the expiration date. You know what that tells me? All creation is meant to be USEFUL to the very end. Usefulness to God might look a lot different from the "usefulness" we struggle to achieve. While doing good works is...well...good—what God really finds useful is when we are in fellowship with Him. He created us to walk and talk with Him. And really—can't we continue that to the very end?

In the great egg test of life, I hope God finds that I sink rather than float. And if you knew my swimming ability, you would realize just how possible that might be!

Feeling expired? Trade it in for feeling INSPIRED.

Kathy Carlton Willis shines, whether she's shining the light on God's writers and speakers, or reflecting God's light during her speaking engagements and written works. www.kathycarltonwillis.com

Words

2011-08-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

My best friend had ovarian cancer in high school. She battled for two years from the time she was 16 to the time she was 18 before finally being declared cancer free. Recently, we were watching TV together, and someone mentioned the word cancer. Since she was heavily into planning for the Relay for Life, a cancer fundraiser, that word stuck in my head.

Several nights later, I was at church, and the pastor made an off-handed comment about suicide. It wasn’t a direct thing, just something about how bleak our life would be without God. At that moment a new understanding dawned on me about the power of words, and in particular, our words.

You see, my older brother died last year at the age of 42. It wasn’t a car accident or cancer. He died by his own hand. Suicide. Ever since then, I’ve heard the word “suicide” very differently than I ever had before.

Not that it was not a scary word to me before. I've had several close friends go through times that brought them to the brink. So suicide has in my life vocabulary for a long time but not the way it is now.

Now, when I hear that word or references to it, it jars me like no other word out there. It makes me cringe and pray no one else around me had to hear it. In one second I can have a flood of memories and feelings come back to me—like that morning when I got the call, the house when I got there, the family, him lying in the coffin (that one I still have immense difficulty processing), and on and on. All of these are accompanied by the what now’s? With three children, what will he miss? How are they doing? How can I help in a situation that’s not fixable?

All of these and more come flooding back in with one heartbeat in the utterance of a single word.

The trouble is, I never know when this word is going to pop up and with it all the stuff it brings up as well.

Thinking about this later, that’s when I remembered my friend, and I started wondering if the word “cancer” does to her what the word “suicide” does to me. When she hears it, do all those memories come flooding back? Does she question why it was her and why then? Does she wonder why she made it back into the land of the living and others have not?

I suspect she does though I haven’t gotten the courage up to ask her yet.

Then I began thinking about other words and what they do to people. Words like: divorce and depression and overdose and alcohol or drugs. Maybe you know what I’m talking about. Maybe you know words that aren’t even on this list. Words like: miscarriage or unemployment. Words like: bankruptcy or accident.

What I want to say to all of those silently grieving or hurting over these words is, please know that you are not alone. Don’t think that you are the only one who processes these words so very differently than everyone else. You’re not.

But also please remember that there are others among you, others you might not even realize who are doing the same thing with the words you speak. It is impossible to know all the details or even the situations involved, but please be aware that your words have power. And being sensitive to them is a step in the right direction for us all.

What words stop you in your tracks with memories you thought were gone or healed? Maybe if we talk about those words, we can all become more conscious of them and other words like healing and help and love can begin to take over. The conversation has to start somewhere.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:

Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
http://stacistallings.wordpress.com/

Spirit Light Books--The Blog
http://spiritlightbooks.wordpress.com/

And…

Staci’s website
http://www.stacistallings.com/

Come on over for a visit…
You’ll feel better for the experience!

God’s Abundant Mercy through Trials

2011-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

How does man compare with God?

Man is a created being. God is eternal—He always was, and He always will be. He is the creator of all.

Man is limited. God is all knowing, all present, all powerful.

Man sins. God does not.

Psalm 139:1-5 says:

“O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.”

Each trial in our lives makes us more aware of who God is and who we are. We will never know God to the extent that He knows us. It’s just not possible.

When we humble ourselves and acknowledge God’s greatness, we can experience His tremendous mercy—a mercy that endures forever and in every situation.

Mercy demonstrates God’s zeal toward us, His desire to show us His love, even though we don’t deserve it. When we recognize that we are sinful creatures, born in sin, and of a sin nature, and when we recognize that God is holy and righteous, the fact of His mercy toward us is augmented. In this understanding of our nature and of His character we can see hardships as God’s mercy that drives us to repent (i.e. turn from our current way of thinking) and draw near to Him.

I Peter 1:8 says: “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”

Trials increase our faith in God.

Through Paul’s life he encountered people who wandered from their faith. Listen to what he tells Timothy in I Timothy 1:19-20:

“Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning fith have made shipwreck: of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme.”

Did Paul want those men to be destroyed? No. He wanted them to learn something important for their relationship with God…not to blaspheme.

Throughout the history of Israel, God allowed bad things to happen to them in order to bring them back to Him. He didn’t leave them to be destroyed. In His mercy He used whatever was necessary to bring them back to Him. That is love. That is mercy.

Let’s not forget, when we face trials, that we will see God’s mercy, if we turn to Him, if we keep our focus on Him.

Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

2011-08-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

This title dates me if you are a country music fan.

I’m not. Well, not anymore. To quote a friend of mine, “I had to stop listening to country music. My tear ducts were dry heaving!”

But there was a time when I two-stepped with the best and loved being whirled around a sawdust covered dance floor by any man who knew how to lead. It felt magical being perfectly in sync as he signaled a turn by the incline of his head or with a flick of his wrist. All I needed to do was follow.

When your heart breaks, every part of you is broken. And I was broken. I thought the solution was to find a special someone to soothe the sorrow and put me back together again just like the lyrics of a Country and Western tune.

A few months later I met my One True Love who did just that. His healing hand held mine. His tender words were a balm for my sorrow. His presence and His love for me healed my brokenness from the inside out. As I became whole, I no longer needed to look for love in all the wrong places, I’d found it with Jesus. I wasn’t always perfectly in sync with Him, but we were dancing the dance of faith.

My broken heart led me to the sin of idolatry. An Idol is anything we put in place of Jesus. First Corinthians 10:14(NIV) says, “Therefore dear friends, flee from idolatry.” The LORD made it clear in Exodus 20:3 (NIV) that He takes idolatry seriously. “You shall have no other gods before me,” He says, not as a suggestion but as a commandment.

And you know, I’d like to pat myself on the back and check that sin off my list, but recently I’ve noticed that there are still times I’m looking for love in all the wrong places. Oh, it is a faith based version of the sin of idolatry, but it still reeks. And still displeases God.

I’m active in my church. I am the Worship Leader married to the Youth Pastor who is also an Elder. I help with women’s events and facilitate a monthly book group. I’m involved with regional prayer ministry. I’m known as a go-to person to get things done around our church. And, here’s the catch—I like it.

Oh, I genuinely love to serve. I know that faith without works is dead. I have a heart to help others. I offer each week’s music to the Lord, but I bask in the glow of acceptance when someone tells me how much they enjoyed the music I chose.

That’s when it happens. Pride. Pleasure. The glow from the praise of men. And if I’m not very careful, I end up serving to be noticed instead of serving as unto the Lord. Just like whirling around that dance floor years ago, I’m looking for love and the praise of men.

It is hard in our positions within the church. We deal with so much criticism. There are so many needy people who expect us to have the answers. People who expect us to be perfect. Some of us work outside the home as well as keep the home fires burning. Some of us have young children with their own needs. We have husbands with busy schedules and events that we are expected to take part in. There are expectations placed on us that are difficult for any human woman to meet! It feels so good when we do get the praise of men! (And please know that I am not saying those around us shouldn’t appreciate what we do. They should. It is our response that changes it into idolatry. When we are serving for the praise instead of for the One who is worthy to be praised.)

There is only one answer. I must once again grasp my True Love’s hands and follow His footsteps. Read His Word. Listen to His voice. Remember that He loves me, just as I am. Even when I’m out of sync and step on His toe. My dance of faith is the only place to find True Love. It’s looking for love in the only place that matters.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kimberly Zweygardt is a Christ follower, wife, mother, writer, blogger, dramatist, worship leader, Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, a fused glass artist and a taker of naps. For more information: www.kimzweygardt.com

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

2011-08-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

One of the really, totally cool things about hanging out with God is how often He brings multiple pieces from varying places together so that you KNOW He’s talking right to you. That actually happens to me a lot. I think many times people don’t “hear” God talking because they seem to think that He’s supposed to have a voice that speaks to you. Yes, sometimes that happens too, but far more often (for me at least) it’s a series of pieces that fit too well together for it to be anything but God trying to tell me something.

That was the case this weekend.

The theme of the pieces could be summed up in three words: faith and works.

Now we all know there is great discussion in the church about those two words—one without the other, the other without the one, in what order, how much, which is more important, which first and which second? I’ve felt for a long time that I understood the proper relationship, but I could never put it into words that expressed it very well. And then God started putting the pieces into place.

First came a short talk that I gave on Luke 8:48. Then Jesus said, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” I pointed out that in this verse, there are four words that crystallize the message. Faith, more specifically YOUR faith. To begin the process, God requires a very small amount of faith on your part. That faith may only be the size of a mustard seed, but YOU have to act on it. You have to take the first step to Him by applying that faith.

The next word is healed. When we come to Jesus through our miniscule amount of faith, He will bring us healing—emotional, mental, spiritual, and sometimes physical healing. When the healing has come, we are then at peace. Peace and healing go together. You do not have one without the other. If you are still in pain, it is nearly impossible to be at total peace. However, once you are completely healed, peace is the natural bi-product of that healing.

Finally, “Go.” When we find God’s healing and peace, it is natural for us to want to go out to our world and tell everyone about this wonderful thing He has done for us.
So that was the first piece.

Then this morning, the sermon centered around “stewardship” or how are you giving back to your Church and your world? The pastor said this, “The loudest testimony we have is not spoken but LIVED!”
Too often we know the talk backward and forward, but our walk is stumbling and hesitant. We proclaim one thing at the altar, but live something diametrically different when we walk out the door. In short, we have the faith part down, but our actions don’t follow the faith we profess.

Add to these pieces Dr. Lee A. Simpson this morning. He said that our Christian works should never be defined by “and”; our works should be defined by “because.”

We are not saved by Jesus dying on the cross AND our reading the Bible AND our good works AND our prayer life. We are saved by Jesus dying on the cross, and BECAUSE of that, we read the Bible and do good works and have a strong prayer life. Our works are a result of what Jesus did, not somehow a necessary addition to what He did.

This is a point I could really have used when I was younger. Back then, I was firmly in the AND column. I was doing, doing, doing because I had heard, “A tree is known by the fruit it produces” and “if a vine does not produce, it shall be cut away and thrown into the fire.” Man, I wanted to be known as a GOOD tree, and I did not want to be thrown into the fire. So I put A LOT of effort into producing good fruit so that I could prove to God I was worthy of Heaven.

Oh, how wrong I was. Wrong and EXHAUSTED.

I worked, and I worked, and I worked, and mostly all I felt was frustrated and tired and overwhelmed. I was trying to live the testimony of my Christian walk based on “and” not based on “because.”

I’m guessing by now, you’re starting to see the pieces fit together the way I did. This is not some random thing. No, God is showing me something truly incredible and meaningful, and He’s allowing me to pass what I’m learning on to you. Through this process, God is speaking to directly to me from many different sources—all with a unique angle on the same topic and then producing that fruit in my life so it can be used in yours.

All of this was great. Then my sister called. (You’ve really got to love God!) She was reading this book about leadership in the church, and one part she read to me said, “When our lives are all talk and no action, what our world hears from us is: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” (Maybe it’s me, but I think that’s another way to say: “The loudest testimony we have is not spoken but LIVED!”)

And then she finished with this question: “What would the world be like if we really lived the Gospel instead of just talking about it?”

Huh. Good question.

Maybe if we did learn to orient our works around because rather than and, and start living the Gospel we say we believe in… Maybe, just maybe, our world would hear more than blah, blah, blah, blah.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

Support Systems

2011-08-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

“Get real!” Ally snorted. “Everyone’s entitled to have friends.”

Many years ago I sat with two other wives discussing our husband’s impending church appointments. In a recent lecture one of their seminary professors had said pastors and their wives must hold themselves apart from their church members in a way that would show impartiality in all relationships. Close friendships with specific individuals would lead to the perception that we favoured certain members of the congregation over others, and that could risk alienating members.

“I know, Ally,” Rachelle said. “But Don says it’s because you can’t minister to people you’re too close to. It’s the reason medical doctors don’t treat family members, too. You have to keep some professional distance.”

The spinoff question I’d been nursing was, who ministers to ministers? Who do ministers and their families turn to in times of personal crises? Goodness knows, manse families aren’t immune to illness, discord and stress. While there will be strong spiritual resources in place, sometimes we need a physical sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, or a hug of reassurance. If the source of the problem is a churlish member or an unpopular decision made by a presbytery, bishop or church council, it would be unprofessional to mutter to other church members, as willing as they might be to listen.

Everyone needs some kind of support system… perhaps ministers and their families more than most. In three of our congregations the elders appointed a pastoral support committee who met informally with us to discuss how things were going. It worked well for my husband, but not so much for me. I’m a very private person and there were just some things I couldn’t share with committees, however caring they were. Many things are shared between husbands and wives, but sometimes there is value in moving beyond the family. I need the comfort of a BFF”.

The Best Friend we can have is our Lord and Saviour… the one who knows us better than we know ourselves, and to whom we can confide our innermost thoughts. The words of the old hymn tumble through my head: “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bare.” But there is a place in our lives for other friends, too.

When we’re immersed in the life and work of our churches to the exclusion of all other interests not related to spiritual matters, we stifle our ability to relate to people within the larger community – even to do effective outreach. Finding friends in activities beyond the walls of our church is a way of satisfying both needs.

What worked for me? I raise and train purebred dogs, so I became involved in the local kennel club and accepted a position on the board of the S.P.C.A. I took night school classes in painting and bookkeeping, then made use of my skills by working summers in a craft co-op. I didn’t choose to flash my faith in these activities, nor did I set out to “make” friends, but I found several.

Friendship isn’t something that we make happen. Friendship happens when we put ourselves in situations that provide opportunities to meet and interact with others of similar interests. If given the chance, friendships can develop with people outside our congregation. As long as we don’t flaunt our relationships and make others feel snubbed or excluded, friendships may also develop with people who share our church work and worship.

All those years ago Ally was right. Everyone needs friends – people who contribute to the support system that helps keep our life journey on an even path.

Where do your closest relationships come from? Who do you find it easiest to talk to when a confidant is desired?

*Best Friend Forever

~ ~ ~
“Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart.” [Proverbs 27: 9 AMP]

~ ~ ~

A Love that Lasts

2011-08-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

The idea of falling in love always fascinated me. From the little girl aching to be nestled in my father's arms, to the troubled twenty something woman waking up alone, and lonely.

Now, almost ten years since Christ came into my life I've fallen in love. It almost feels like Christmas morning, full of presents wrapped and waiting. You never know what special surprise will rise with each new day. I believe this is what Christ wants for us, His children- something new every day.

21This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

We've fallen in step with a society that is plagued with want. More this. More that. A new need is waiting around every corner. Discontentment steals the place of passion. These days there is a story for every struggle, and more and more endings are filled with loss rather than love. That is why this passage from Lamentations 3 stays pressed in my mind- we have this hope in Christ that His love is new every morning.

See, I have this secret. I love falling in love. It may sound strange, but its true. At first, I was romanced by the idea of love. Someone spending every last dime on making me smile. Then slowly, over time and through meaningful relationships the tables turned. It became obvious that love was a gift, an undeserved guarantee with no strings attached.

Do you know what happens when you get a glimpse of real love?

Your mind moves. It pushes away from the pain of your past and sets you in heavenly places.You now have a Savior, a Creator that you can cast your cares on. Now there is a relationship that can blossom even in the cold of winter.

Do you know how love happens?

It stretches back to Calvary. To a rugged cross. To the weight of sins that belonged to you and me. Love didn't point the finger; love didn't condemn. Instead, Love stood like sheep before the shears. Through our relationships we see this marriage of grace and God manifested in the world around us.

If it helps to look at love like a big ball of colorful rubber bands. It's too hard to untangle, but it's beautiful to look at. Love expands and expresses itself in every hue of holiness. God gave us His love, and there are few things like it that will last forever.

Which do you enjoy most- the romance of love or the relationship of love? How do you strike the right balance?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR- Tamika Eason is a wife, writer, mother to three daughters, and servant. She remains in awe that despite her fallibility God would choose her to choose Him. She and her husband are dedicated to the ministry of their church in Austin, Texas. You can find her scribbling about the writing journey at her blog http://www.thewriteworship.blogspot.com/.

Are you using the right key?

2011-08-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

by Niki Turner

Ever use the wrong key to unlock a door? No matter how you wiggle and jiggle it, rattle the knob, or turn the key over, it just won't open. The new car keys with their automatic locks are even worse. It's embarrassing to stand in the parking lot at Walmart pushing the unlock button on your key fob to no avail, only to realize you're standing by the wrong car. Oops.

Hearts are the same way. Each heart has its own set of keys that unlock its capacity to receive love. Use the wrong key, nothing happens.

The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman outlines five different "languages" with which we communicate our love for others: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts. Depending on your upbringing and your personality, you're probably more fluent in one love language than any of the others.

Just to use a different analogy, let's think of the languages today as keys. Certain keys -- a hug (physical touch), or a compliment (words of affirmation) -- might make you feel loved and appreciated, while someone who wants to be in your presence for hours at a time (quality time) just makes you feel irritable, used, or manipulated.

Now put yourself in the other person's position. You love them. You want them to know it. So you yank out your favorite key ... but they don't respond at all like you thought they would. Instead of being delighted by the expensive gift you bought, they are upset about the frivolous waste of money. Instead of glowing over the fact you cleaned out the attic or did some other task for them, they mutter 'thanks' and go on about their day. Rejected, your little heart key clatters to the ground with a metallic jingle.

It's relatively easy to identify our own keys. It's a little more challenging to recognize someone else's keys, and learning to use an unfamiliar key can feel awkward and strange, but God, who is love, is the skeleton key -- the one that can unlock any lock.

If you're struggling to demonstrate love to someone in a way he or she can receive, ask the Lord to show you which key to use to unlock his or her heart. The reward will be well worth the effort!

Niki Turner is feeling her way through a new season of living. She turned 40 last year, became a grandma in April 2011, and at the end of June, she and her husband turned over the pastorate of the church they planted 13 years ago and are "recovering from the effects of heat" while God prepares them for their next assignment.

Are You Willing to Sacrifice to Disciple a New Believer?

2011-08-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

“Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

Paul preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the region of Galatia, but some people in Iconium determined to stone Paul and Barnabas. The two missionaries escaped to Lystra and Derbe. Jews from Antioch and Iconium stirred up the people of Lystra against Paul, and they stoned Paul, dragged him from the city, supposing that he was dead. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Paul didn’t stop. He stood, went into the city and the next day left for Derbe. Even more remarkable was his courage to return to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch in order to confirm "the souls of the disciples" (Acts 14:22). If I were him, I’m not sure I’d be able to…and yet, I must ask myself, where is my Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch? Where have I been mocked or scorned for what I believe? Am I willing to return in order to “confirm the souls” of those God reached through my testimony?

Paul put his life on the line for his disciples because he recognized that this wasn't a battle between flesh and blood. It wasn't a 'living' that was at stake. It wasn't home and riches or personal gain that he was concerned with. No, his concern was of far greater importance--the eternal souls of the Gentiles and the life walk of the believers.

He risked his life to ensure these disciples had what they needed to hold onto their faith. What were these things?

• The Holy Spirit;
• The Old Testament (the Scriptures);
• The memory of Paul and Barnabas' teachings;
• Elders appointed by Paul to help guide them;
• Epistles he would write;
• And more visits from him.

When we disciple someone, are we willing to put our life on the line for them? What must we sacrifice? Time? Money? Energy? Ambition? Perhaps even reputation or safety?

God provides the Holy Spirit for our disciples. We can get the Bible into their hands, but God also asks of us to teach those in our churches to observe all things that God commanded (Matthew 28:19-20). We must spend time with them, to guide and teach them. We need to help them develop the habit of attending church, and we need to keep going back to them, holding them accountable, to be sure they continue in the faith.

Those of us who are strong in the Lord, need to wisely counsel, to come along side and encourage, and to draw in those that are walking along the edge.

I know I need to love more those God has brought into my life to disciple. I need to care more, trust Him more, and not be afraid. Please Lord, help me serve You better in this way.

Jesus Wept

2011-08-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, I attended the viewing of my distant cousin. And though I didn’t know him very well, I knew his wife. My sisters and I used to call the couple Barbie and Ken because they seemed perfect in every way, having a relationship that read like a romance novel. So it was hard to believe the news, given two years before, that my cousin was slowly dying of cancer.

After we’d heard of his death, it seemed impossible to imagine his wife without him. I wondered what I’d find when I entered the funeral parlor. As I stepped in the door, I saw a take-charge woman, giving direction to family members, so the gathering would run smoothly. She stood confident and erect, and definitely in control.

I couldn’t understand how a woman who’d just lost the love of her life could be so strong, when her world had just shifted dramatically. In fact, I was battling more tears than she appeared to be.
In minutes, members of the immediate family lined the hall into the viewing room to greet those who came to wish their condolences. What was I going to say to her? Having never experienced a loss this person and all-consuming, I could find no words.

My Grandmother inched along behind me, offering prayers and hugs to various people in the line. I later learned Grandma had been a mother figure to my cousin’s wife. Someone who’d been there for her throughout her married life.

I continued to inch along the line, plotting out insignificant words to ease the afflicted. Then, as I was about to grasp the widow’s hand, she caught sight of Grandma behind me, silently mouthed her name, and appeared to melt before my eyes. Grandma, who looked like a cross between the Pillsbury Dough-Boy and Shirley Temple, thrust me aside and threaded her arms around my cousin’s wife as if she were her only means of physical support. Finally, knowing someone would hold her up, my cousin’s wife sobbed uncontrollably, like a wet sack on grandma’s shoulder.

Now I know my grandmother is not God, but sometimes God shows pieces of Himself through His creation. And that day I spied a glimpse of Him through a plump, pink-cheeked, cherub of a woman with bottle-colored, golden curls, who held up a grieving woman as if she were a mighty oak in a tempest.

You see, we always think that because we have God in our lives, we should be strong ourselves and never cry. After all, He gives us the strength we need to endure all things. We know that in seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, we’ll have everything we need. We also know he’s with us in the Valley of Shadow and Death. But does that mean no tear should escape our eyes? Does it mean we can’t ever be weak?

I’d answer a big, resounding NO to both of these questions. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus Wept. So why do we think we should somehow be better or stronger than our Savior? He needed His father in the Garden of Gethsemane, as we need Him during the trials in our own lives. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.

My cousin’s wife knew she needed to be strong for her family. Her children had just lost their father and she was forced to host a gathering where others could morn her very personal loss. I’m sure she felt a great responsibility to “be there” for others. I saw that in the way she comforted them.

It wasn’t until she saw the one who could hold her up through trying times, that she allowed herself to be weak. So she fell into my grandmother’s arms and finally released the hurt buried deep inside.

That’s what God can do for you. He’s not just the one who gives you what you need to brave any storm. He’s also that soft touch with strong shoulders. He will hold you up when you just can’t do it yourself.
So when life has beaten you down and you don’t know where else to turn, fall into the brawny arms of your loving Father in heaven. Cry on his broad shoulders. Look into His face and let Him wipe away your tears. If you do this, I believe you’ll feel His gentle kiss on your forehead and you’ll know you are truly loved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Connie Almony
Connie’s experience includes working as a Christian Counselor in Columbia, Maryland. Though she no longer counsels, she continues to work with wonderful people in this field. She has been married almost twenty years and has two beautiful children who inspire her to become all she can be.

Connie hosts the blog Living the Body of Christ (http://livingthebodyofchrist.blogspot.com/) created to encourage readers to use the gifts God gave them. She also writes for InfiniteCharacters.com (http://infinitecharacters.com/), a group blog dedicated to guide writers in their pursuit of a dream, and readers in their pursuit of a good read.

Grace Fox presents: Moving from Fear to Freedom

2011-08-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Note from Jennifer: I was invited to participate in the Christian Speaker Services blog tour of Grace Fox's new study. It may prove to be a useful resource in your ministry. Make sure to leave a comment for a chance to win a free copy. Enjoy!

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Has fear kept you awake at night? Has it hindered you from saying yes to a new opportunity? Has it caused you to make impulsive choices you later regretted? If so, you’re not alone! Fear is a big deal for many women. If left unchecked, it can prevent us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives. So, what’s the answer? How can we move beyond fear into freedom?

Author Grace Fox has partnered with Stonecroft Ministries to write a small group resource titled Moving from Fear to Freedom: A Woman-to-Woman Conversation. This resource addresses women’s common fears and gives biblical and practical strategies to move beyond them.

Fear seems to be an ever-present theme throughout the Bible. Describe the difference between healthy and unhealthy fear.
Healthy fear steers us toward wise decisions and actions. It promotes self-preservation. For example, we look both ways before crossing the street for fear of getting hit by a car. In contrast, unhealthy fear hinders our ability to fully embrace life because it consumes us with negative thinking and what-ifs. The effects can literally make us sick.

How does destructive fear stunt our emotional or spiritual growth?
Destructive fear—the fear of rejection, for instance—might keep us from admitting to someone that we’ve been physically or sexually abused. Without receiving the help we need to deal with those issues, we never experience freedom. Our struggles might seriously hamper our ability to truly love and receive love in a marital relationship. This is just one example among many of how our emotional growth is affected.

Spiritually, fear can cause us to say no to God-given dreams or assignments because we’re afraid of personal inadequacy or financial insecurity. If we never step out in faith, then we never experience God’s ability to equip and provide in amazing ways. Spiritual growth comes when we say yes to God and “do it afraid.”

You suggest we need to place our focus on God and not on fear. In practical terms, how do we do this?
Several strategies that I’ve found helpful…

Memorize Scripture promises and meditate on them throughout the day and as we fall asleep at night. We are transformed as our mind is renewed.
Fill our homes with praise and worship music.
Spend time in God’s word on a regular basis, not just when we’re in a panic. The more we do so, the more familiar we become with His promises and the better prepared we are to face frightening circumstances when they come.
Talk to the Lord throughout the day. Invite Him into the mundane. Practice His presence. The more we get to know Him, the more we’re able to trust Him in the face of fear.

Most of us feel inadequate at times. You suggest we cannot use our inadequacies as an excuse for not participating with God’s purposes. How do we get past this?
We get past our fear of inadequacy by admitting we have it. Then we need to retrain our thinking to focus on God’s adequacies rather than our inadequacies.

Tell God how we feel. "Help! I don't think I can do such-and-such."
Tell a trusted friend and ask her to pray for us.
Move forward. Do it afraid and expect God to equip us.

Describe this resource and how participants can receive the greatest benefit as they use it.
It’s a seven-week study filled with biblical teaching and personal anecdotes that can be used easily by either a small group of friends in a private home setting or a large women’s ministry. Each session begins by viewing a 25-30 minute teaching video. When the video ends, participants follow suggested Table Talk questions for about 15 minutes. Then they do the Bible study questions together. Each participant uses her own guide book so she can take notes and write answers. Facilitator’s notes are included. The study covers these topics:

an overview of fear
fear for our loved ones' well-being
fear of personal inadequacy
fear of rejection
fear of facing the ghosts of our past
fear of the storms of life
fear of the unknown future

Where can I buy this study?
It’s available through your local Christian book store, on Amazon, www.barnesandnoble.com, www.christianbooks.com, www.stl-distribution.com, www.winepressbooks.com, and of course, on Grace’s website, where group discounts apply, www.gracefox.com. Visit Grace’s website for more information about her other books and speaking ministry: www.gracefox.com.

WIN THE BOOK
If you’d like to be entered to win a copy of MOVING FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM, just leave a comment on this blog. I’ll pick a winner at random on Saturday, August 13th. Please leave an email address so I can contact you if you're the winner. (To prevent spammers from trolling for your email, please use this format with the brackets--you [at] yourmail [dot] com--or something similar.) Good luck!

For more opportunities for a FREE copy of this DVD & Study Guide set of MOVING FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM, please follow this CSS Virtual Book Tour on Twitter (@Christianspkrs) or Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/CSSVBT.GraceFox.MovingFromFeartoFreedom)

NOTE: I was given a complimentary copy of this DVD & Study Guide set from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

Raising Healthy PKs, Part III: Other People’s Expectations

2011-08-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

Don’t allow other people to impose their expectations on your children.

Let’s face it. There are two extreme stereotypes of preachers’ kids: They are sweet and angelic, or more often than not, they are bad as the devil. We’ve probably seen both extremes, but we have also seen a lot in the middle. Neither my husband nor I put undo expectations on our children because of his profession. We expect them to be respectful and obedient to us and other people in authority. We expect them to be well behaved in church worship because they are both old enough to do so now. While we don’t expect them to mini-theologians on the Bible, it is our hope that we are cultivating a thirst for the Word and the things of God. We’ve never had the conversation, “Well, you know because your father is pastor, you need to ….” So, it never dawned on me to consider other people’s expectations of them until my oldest daughter’s first grade teacher, a PK herself, pointed out, “You may not place unrealistic expectations, but you cannot control how other people respond to your children.”

Never was that so clear until an incident my oldest daughter had a few years ago with a person in authority. The person accused my daughter, who was six at the time, of lying. If she was lying, I would fully support corrective measures appropriate for a six year-old. What I would not support at any age is shaming my child, which is what this person did as she told her, “Do you want to be known as the pastor’s daughter who lies? Do you want to embarrass your father?” Hold up! Wait a minute! Stop the breaks! What?!? Would you ask the accountant’s son why was he so slow to get math? Or, why the teacher’s daughter is a C student? So, why would one expect a greater sense of morality from the pastor’s child? Without going into detail, we did resolve the issue, but more importantly we reassured our daughter that she did not have to worry about making her father ashamed of her, especially at six years-old.

Fortunately for us, this has been the only incident of this nature, and the two churches where my husband has served have given my children the space to be kids. However, this incident taught me to be aware of what messages my girls could be getting from others. Some of those messages have been comical. When my oldest daughter’s class figured out her father was a pastor after she had been to the school for three years, she came home to ask, “Why does Jeffrey keep saying I must be rich because Daddy is a pastor?” My response was, I don’t know, but I sure would like to know why he thinks that myself.

Raising healthy, whole children today requires lots of on-the-job training, lots of listening and being aware. But, more importantly, it requires lots of prayer. This is true regardless if the child is a PK or not. As a recap of this blog post series: 1. We have to walk and talk at home and elsewhere what we preach and teach at church. 2. Our own expectations can’t be unrealistic of our children. 3. Finally, we cannot allow others to impose their expectations on our children either.

My prayer on a regular basis is, “Lord, show me how to mother both of my girls in their own uniqueness. Show me how to be what each needs, not what I think they need.”

Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor at North Carolina Central University in the Department of English and Mass Communication. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr., pastor of Watts Chapel Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC. Shauntae and Harry have two beautiful daughters.

Translucence

2011-08-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

Our lights went out the other night. We live rurally, so there are no streetlights. When the power goes off, the whole neighborhood plunges into darkness. We’re prepared, of course. While my hubby goes for the coal oil lamps, I fumble for the matches and light the nearest candle.

It always surprises me just how much light one little candle gives off. It might not let me read the newspaper’s fine print, but every corner of the room is visible because of it.

Maybe that’s why I find John 8:12 so significant: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” In whatever dark place I find myself, as long as I’m with the Son of God, his one single life will provide all the illumination I need.

Then I read in Matthew 5:14-16 that I am also the light of the world*, and the implication terrifies me. I can’t do it, Lord! I may be the wife of a gifted pastor, but I’m just an ordinary woman. I can’t make that kind of difference.

Photo by Carol Garvin

In the brightness of a sunny day I discover the answer in my garden. I’m not responsible for providing light, but only for putting myself in the right place to be lit by God – to accept his light as it falls on me. My job is to be translucent so that his light is visible to others through me.

Photo by Carol Garvin

Thank you, God, for the wonder of your light!

~ ~ ~

* “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

~ ~ ~

How Sharing Your Messes Makes You Lovable

2011-08-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

I opened my Sunday school class with a confession. “Am I the only one who isn’t enjoying this study? I look at the book title, “Me and My Big Mouth,” and I want to throw it out the window. I’d rather scrub my kitchen floor than discover that complaining is a sin. I entered the world complaining to the doctor because the delivery room was too cold. I could probably win a blue ribbon at the state fair for the most gripes in an hour. ”

Mary Lou laughed her loudest. “That’s why I love this class, Jeanette.”

“Why, because your teacher has an awful time getting her tongue in order?”

“No. Because you’re honest enough to admit it. We feel comfortable with you when you share your human side. We know you’re just like us, struggling with the same issues. ”

This wasn’t the first time I’d opened my murky soul and shared the ugliness inside with these ladies. Once a month we spent our Sunday school time praying for our families and each other. I often found myself sharing my blunders and disappointments with my Heavenly Father in their presence. They knew how impatient I became when customers at work had stupid requests; how I condemned myself when one of my kids made a poor choice; how I struggled to submit to my husband’s leadership.

And they loved me anyway. I like to think they loved me more than if I’d pretended I never took a wrong turn.

Before I became a pastor’s wife, I wouldn’t have dreamed that sharing my faults could make someone happy. Didn’t people expect a leader to set a perfect example? Didn’t they want the pastor’s wife to show them how easy it was to walk in all the fruit of the spirit? Didn’t they need a model saint who never yelled at her kids or had a tacky thought? Maybe not.

Perhaps these ladies find my candor refreshing. They see that although I’m a leader, I stumble like they do. They may think, “If there’s hope for Jeanette, God can fix me, too.”

If my transparency can give someone hope, I’m okay with sharing my messes. As writer and editor Jim Watkins likes to say, “I’m a mess and you’re a mess. Thank God we have a Messiah.”

“Nutty with a dash of meat” best describes Jeanette Levellie’s speaking, writing and life. She has published hundreds of humor/inspirational columns, articles, greeting cards, and poems. A spunky pastor’s wife, Jeanette is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to four cats. Find her mirthful musings at www.jeanettelevellie.com

Better Than Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso

2011-08-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

by Niki Turner

Wonder Woman was my favorite superhero. I suppose that was by default, since she was pretty much the token female member of the Justice League at the time. Unlike Batman, whose gadget collection makes him a little bit nerdy, even if he does have the best outfit, or Superman, whose powers are attributed to his alien origins, Wonder Woman's abilities are pretty much limited.

She had her invisible jet (except, she wasn't invisible IN the jet, which still confuses me), her special bracelets, and the magic lasso of truth. If she got that rope around you, you HAD to tell the truth. But that wasn't all her golden lasso could accomplish. She could swing down from her invisible plane, pull a ship to safety, rescue her fellow superfriends, even tow a meteor out of Earth's orbit. That rope would not break.

There are certain seasons and situations that automatically place a strain on marriage. Maybe these situations aren't world-ending crises like Wonder Woman faced, but they do threaten our individual spheres of influence and our peace of mind and body.

Having babies and toddlers at home
Having teenagers at home
Unemployment
Retirement
Serious illness, injury or death in the immediate family
Winning the lottery
Bankruptcy/foreclosure/financial challenges
Starting a business (or a ministry)
Home improvement/remodeling projects

There are others, but these have all been documented as causes of tremendous, and often unexpected, stress in otherwise strong marriages. Many marriages falter and fail shortly after these kinds of situations, even when it appears they made it through the initial storm just fine. Knowing that we're all going to go through situations like these (winning the lottery would be nice, but it's hard to win without buying tickets!) how can we protect our own marriages? I believe we can take some solid advice from Ecclesiastes.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Eccl 4:12 NIV

There are few things more heart-wrenching than watching someone go through a personal crisis alone, with no shoulder to cry on and no one to help hold the burden. It's always better when there are two. In our case, talking about marriage, the picture of husband and wife given to us in Genesis is that of partnership, like two warriors back-to-back, swords drawn, protecting each other as they drive back the enemy. It's better to be part of a twosome when trials come our way, because where one is weak, the other is strong.

The "cord of three strands" represents a braid, or plait. Three cords are more difficult to cut through, and they are also more difficult to unravel. In fact, if you try to pull one cord out, the whole thing tightens up around it, keeping it in place. Pull two of the cords at once and the effect is magnified. In order to unravel a threefold cord, one has to physically move each of the strands out of place, again and again.

Is your marriage intimately entwined around the third strand Jesus? He's the One who won't be moved, the One who can't be broken. He has a vested interest in the success of our marriages, because our marriages reflect His relationship with the Church.

Wherever you sense loose threads in your relationship as a result of stress or pressure or trials, bring God into that area more than ever before and let Him strengthen the bond between you instead of unraveling what you've built together. Spending time in the Word and prayer, and simply acknowledging His Lordship and presence in our marriages, will make Wonder Woman's golden lasso seem weak and paltry by comparison to the threefold cord of marriage.

Niki Turner is feeling her way through a new season of living. She turned 40 last year, became a grandma in April 2011, and at the end of June, she and her husband turned over the pastorate of the church they planted 13 years ago and are "recovering from the effects of heat" while God prepares them for their next assignment.

Hurts and Heartache

2011-07-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ministry can be tough. Harsh. Gut wrenching. If you have been there, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I hope my words give you something you can share with someone else who is hurting in your life right now.

I wrote this blog a couple months ago, shortly after my husband came home from a church business meeting with a letter that stated his contract would not be renewed and effective immediately he was no longer the pastor. No reason was given. No sin was involved. We were left with no answers.

When I considered what to write for a blog that speaks to pastors’ wives, this post of mine came to mind: a post about grieving. It is okay to grieve: to grieve over loss, over hurt, over heartache. It is a process that can lead towards healing. So let me open my heart and give you a glimpse of my own grief as a pastor’s wife.

***

It comes in the form of a phone call, a letter, the distraught look of the doctor across the desk. You try to prepare yourself. But no matter how the news is delivered, it hits you like a punch in the gut. You reel back from the blow. Shock sets in. You wonder what you’re going to do. Life as you know it will never be the same again.

I know I’m not the only one who is or has gone through something, whether that is the death of a loved one, news that the cancer is back, or the loss of a job. And if you’re like me, you find your confidence shaken. What you once thought you believed you’re not sure about anymore. So what do you do?

As I prepared for this post, I read an article about the five stages of grief. As I read, it hit me: I was experiencing those stages. You do not need to experience death in order to have your world turned upside down. At first I found myself in denial. I kept thinking there had to be some mistake; that this was some kind of strange nightmare and I would eventually wake up, right?

But soon reality set in and I found myself angry. Really angry. I wanted an answer for why my husband had lost his job. But none came.

Then I began to bargain with God. I told God I would do anything if he would just get my family safely through this. Being a planner, I began to make plans after plans of what I would do to keep my family afloat. No matter the cost to myself, I would do what it took to get my family safely to the other side.

More days past and my plans fell to the wayside. Depression set in. I will admit it's still here, sapping my heart and mind, clouding my vision. I once heard the Chinese symbol for perseverance was a heart with a dagger in it. I’m not sure if that’s true, but that is what life feels like right now. You hurt so bad you don’t want to move. But you must. Because life goes on.

The last stage of grief is acceptance. I can feel it on the horizon. But I’m scared of it. I’m afraid that if I accept what has happened, then that will make it okay. I know it’s illogical, but many times there is no logic in grief. Only deep intense feelings.

So where is God in all of this? Where is God during the hurts and heartache? I will be honest and say I don’t know why God allowed Dan to lose his job. I do not know what our future holds. And I hurt right now. But one thing I know, that in darkness there is light.

The light shines in the darkness,

and the darkness can never extinguish it.

John 1:5

That light is Jesus. No matter how dark life gets, it can never extinguish God. I am clinging to that promise now. And though I can’t see Him through all the pain, I know God is holding me. For if His hands can hold every star in the sky and He cares about even the smallest bird, then I know He will carry me through.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Morgan L. Busse is the wife of a church planter and mother of four children. She is passionate about authentic Christianity and shares from her own life her doubts, fears, and triumphs as a follower of Jesus Christ. Along with blogging, Morgan also writes speculative fiction and is seeking publication for her first novel, Daughter of Light. To find out more, visit her blog In Darkness there is Light at http://morganlbusse.wordpress.com

Mirror God, not man

2011-07-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

by Niki Turner

We're on our third day without hot water.

photo by kevindooley

via PhotoRee

Hubby has been hard at work during that time trying to repair our hot water heater. Growling sounds and angry words emanate from the laundry room, punctuated by the metallic clang of tools hitting the stone floor. This morning has involved two trips to the hardware stores in search of replacement parts.

I'm tired of taking sponge baths, and my husband's snarling sets my teeth on edge. But I've resolved to keep my mouth shut and exercise the virtues of patience, kindness, and self-control in spite my own stinky pits and a growing pile of dirty dishes. I've learned the hard way that having both of us lose our peace at the same time is not healthy.

Into every marriage come opportunities for one or both partners to experience great stress, anger, discouragement, fear, or inconvenience. It could be a health crisis (thankfully my husband is incredibly calm during emergency room visits, because I am not). It could be a malfunctioning vehicle, a broken lawnmower, sticking door, leaky roof, or those seemingly minor plumbing repairs that turn into huge ordeals and leave behind heaps of sodden rags. Or, the stress could be job-related, financial, or familial. Maybe your spouse freaks out every time his parents (or yours) come to visit. Maybe you panic over every unexpected expense and the price of gas and your hubby's desire to buy a new set of golf clubs. The point is, everyone has weak links where flesh overrides faith and we begin to behave badly.

photo by Philip Dehm

via PhotoRee

Whatever the originating cause, when tempers and tensions escalate, it's easy to jump on for the roller coaster ride of emotions with our spouses and let an external problem become the field of a marital battle. It's like that old mirroring exercise from high school drama class. But when we mirror each other, and one partner is "losing it," things can get ugly in a hurry.

We aren't supposed to be mirrors for our spouses. We're supposed to mirror God, reflecting His love, peace, patience, and kindness. Your choice to remain calm might be enough to defuse the situation. At the very least, you'll still have your peace! Next time you find yourself mirroring a cranky look, a fretful attitude, or an angry tone, step back. You don't have to go on that ride!

P.S. As I finish this post, hubby has just informed me that the hot water heater is now working once again. Glory to God! We avoided harsh words with each other (although if the water heater has feelings, it may need therapy). And, God provided hubby with inside information at the last minute that saved us a major expense. Now, I'm off to luxuriate in a long, hot, bubble bath!

Repent!

2011-07-24T00:17:00.000-07:00

If you’ve been in church any length of time, you’ve no doubt heard the word “repent.” I’ll bet you even know what it means--to feel sorry or contrite for something you have done. When we confess our sins, we repent or say we’re sorry and will not do that thing again.

Good.

But there’s another way to look at the word “repent.” The prefix “re” means to do again. Some words that use re include: redo, rework, rewire, reread. It means to do whatever it is again. For example, I could rewrite this message if when I’m finished it makes no sense (which is always a possibility!).

So the word “repent” begins with re. To do over. But then the question becomes, “To do WHAT over?” This is where the story gets interesting.

I remember from way back in my English teaching days, my kids had to learn long lists of Latin and Greek root words. The idea was that if they learned the root words, they could put them together and decode words that used those root words. It was a very effective way to learn a lot of vocabulary words very quickly.

One of those root words was “pent.” I went to dictionary.com and had to go the long way around to find this. The Latin root pent comes from the Latin word pensar, which means “to think.”

Ah-ha. That was my first thought when I was listening to someone talk about this word. Wait, pen/pent means “to think.” So RE-pent would mean “to think again.”

For one moment let’s put aside what we normally think the word repent means, and let’s consider the possibility that it means to re-think.

When Jesus says, “Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” Consider what that means. Yes, it means to be sorry for the junk you’ve done and are doing, but it ALSO means, “Rethink your life! Rethink what you are doing, how you are living! Rethink this moment for you are no longer under the world’s dominion. The KINGDOM of GOD is here!”

Let me ask you. Are you saying you’re part of the Kingdom but living according to the world. Rethink that position. Do you get up and go to a job you hate because it pays the bills? Rethink that attitude. Maybe you need a different job, or maybe you need to start being the Kingdom where you work.

Is your household peaceful? If not, maybe it’s time to “rethink” some things about how you’ve set up your world. Is your marriage in harmony? If not, maybe it’s time to “rethink” how you are treating your spouse and what you’re allowing to be in your lives that is not conducive to harmony.

To be honest, I love this concept because the truth is I am sorry for my sins, but sometimes it’s not the outright sin that’s holding me back. Sometimes it’s my way of thinking that is stopping God’s Life from flowing in mine. I need on many occasions to “Repent!” to “Rethink!” what I’m doing and why.

I invite you today to look at your life. What areas could use some “repenting”? Where might it be a good idea to rethink what you’re doing and why?

What are you waiting for?

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

Love Seeks Not Her Own

2011-07-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

Charity..."seeketh not her own..." I Corinthians 13:5

Our dog, Jasmine, turned a year old this spring. Before her, we had a sweet, old dog named Bizmark. Where Jasmine is all about fun, Bizmark was all about loyally guarding and lending an empathetic ear—well, that is how we choose to remember him.

We tend to give dogs high regard for their faithfulness, their loyalty, and their friendship. In truth, they are all about themselves. I love dogs, and I confess, much prefer their company to some people's company (dogs are less judgmental), but truth is, they're all about themselves.

Jasmine loves grand adventures and can’t resist the great temptation the front door (rather the world outside the front door) presents. She whines and howls and paces when we enter or exit the house. She even breaks the "no dog on the couches" rule. You might mistake her antics as missing us or worrying about where we are. Boy is that wrong.

First chance Jasmine gets, she bolts out the front door, smiling face, tail straight out and ring like a crazed lunatic from house to house, through flowerbeds, greeting each neighbor’s dog, and dodging cars, kids, and anyone who threatens to stop her.

No, all that whining in the house had nothing to do with missing us and everything to do with her love of adventure.

We go after her whistling and calling, and what does she do? She plays the Gingerbread Boy Game, "Catch me if you can." She runs straight at us and between our legs and the expression on her face is one of pure ecstasy. Oh she's having fun. Then like lightning, she's down the street at the next neighbor's house and stops. She looks over her shoulder and laughs...well, that's what it seems like. As soon as we get close enough to grab her collar she streaks by us with her tail straight out, a taunting flag of victory.

Eventually she tires (after we've wasted precious minutes and experienced embarrassing nose dives) and allows us to capture her.

No. I'm quite certain that Jasmine does not love us...at least not when a good chase can be had.
I confess that I too can fake a great concern for someone with a motivation to obtain what I want. Come on now, you've done it too. We all have plural motives. Sometimes we help someone to have a good standing with God or our church, sometimes to get attention, and sometimes we help someone so that he will owe us later.

But true love, a Christ-like love, will not go through life seeking to satisfy her own desires.

God didn't need to create us with a will. He didn't need us at all. But He did for His glory and His good pleasure—and then we let Him down.

The sin in our life is repulsive to Him, yet He seeks us out. Have you ever lied? Read Proverbs 6:16-19.

These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Everyone has told a lie at some time in his life. Therefore, everyone has done abominable things.
Did you know that liars are destined for the lake of fire? Read Revelations 21:8.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

Now picture God agonizing over the thought that you are going to be in that lake of fire. Because He loves you, He doesn't want that for you. He's going to do all He can to rescue you. So He comes down to earth as Jesus Christ, endures all sorts of hardships, and ultimately submits Himself as the perfect sacrifice on the cross, dying for your sins.

He didn't have to do it. No one could make Him, but He chose to because He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked (yup, that's you and me). Ezekiel 33:11

...I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live...

Can you beat that for love? God didn't seek His own. He could have destroyed us and created a new being to worship Him (He has the angels, after all). We don't deserve to live, but He gave up Heaven, and chose to suffer and die just for us. Indeed, He has shown us what true love is.

Red Hot Reasons to Praise

2011-07-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

Our country is facing a time of economic crisis that have left many families in the red. We are one of them- faithful believers, tithers, Christians pressing towards the mark. We've come to know that struggles have no respect of persons, or saints. We find ourselves in this red place in our finances that stabs at our faith. The heat of loss burns bright.

The red place can deplete you. It will lock your lips to laughter, trepidation begins to pulse close to the heart. While I sat in the pew Sunday offering praises up to the Lord, I felt His presence pour over me, a molten lava of assurance. Hebrews 13:15 is our call to worship. A helpful reminder that filled up my red place. I saw Him sitting higher than the mountain top of my troubles. I heard He speak louder than thunder of my turmoil.

The red place may be familiar. Many have traveled here in the early years of marriage, traversing through the rugged terrain of insecurities. The families that shaped us found their home in this place many times in one's childhood. One day a red place will find my children, and I want them to remember how to stand the heat. I want their minds to wander back to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

The red place teaches. Our weaknesses become naked before the Master. He shines his light on our frailty, and He reminds us that in Him we live, we move, we find our very being. Christ's sovereignty flows in our red place- He allows us to feel the depth, height, breadth of His love.

The red place equips. The hard truth is the heat perfects us, the burn scorches until the moment that our countenance reflects Christ. It applies an eternal luster to our life so that others may see Christ living inside of us.

Tomorrow I may still be in the red. And the day after that.

But, I'm still here. Because Christ's red blood still has its power!

Did you know the red place is part of God's plan? What will you do with your problems- praise or pout?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR- Tamika Eason is a wife, writer, mother to three daughters, and servant. She remains in awe that despite her fallibility God would choose her to choose Him. She and her husband are dedicated to the ministry of their church in Austin, Texas. You can find her scribbling about the writing journey at her blog http://www.thewriteworship.blogspot.com/.

What Good Are You?

2011-07-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, my husband Michael and I accepted an invitation to speak at a distant church—or, rather, Michael accepted the invitation. The pastor made it plain that no woman would speak from the pulpit there, but he was sure they could find something for me to do. It was mission offering season, and we had recently returned from missionary service in Brazil. Invitations were frequent, and we had learned to go with the flow, with the hope that God would speak through our experiences, whatever the audience and whatever the environment.

We arrived early that morning of the mission service. The pastor met us in the parking lot and pulled us into his office. Handing over a copy of the church bulletin, he went over the order of service, pointing to the spot where he would introduce Michael.

Then he turned to me.

“I thought you could sing the solo this morning,” he said.

I shook my head in horror. “I don’t sing solos, but I can certainly add a voice to your congregational singing.”

He paused. “How about piano?”

I shrugged and shook my head again. “I’m really sorry. I don’t play at all.”

He tilted his head and looked at me. “Then what good are you?” He laughed heartily at his joke and got back to the business at hand. As it turned out, I sat on the front row during the service and supported my husband in prayer.

I’ve found that being a ministry partner can be a challenge in so many different ways. True, it is my husband who is ordained, while my role is in support of his, but I’m no less called to God’s service. While others may not understand that point, my Lord does. He called me to be faithful, and He provides opportunities all the time to use my talents for Him.

That said, it’s also hard for me to say no. Need someone to teach? I’ll volunteer. Serve on a board? That’s me. At times I get over scheduled and drained, but God always provides a chance for me to drink the cool, clean waters of renewal. Sometimes I have to make a conscious step back, and sometimes He provides it in unexpected ways.

At a time when I was greatly discouraged, I received a prayer letter from a woman with the same birthday as me. She assured me that she would be praying specifically for me all day on August 17th. Missionaries get those letters all the time, so I put the letter aside with the intention of writing my thanks later. I forgot about it. Several weeks later—on my birthday, I felt God’s presence more keenly than I had in a long while. I finished the day renewed and refreshed. It was only when I went to bed that it occurred to me that the encouragement had come from that lady’s petitions on my behalf.

The key to a ministry of any type is God’s call and a willing heart. That’s what I would say to that pastor if he asked me what good I am today. I can picture the conversation in my mind.

“Then what good are you?” he laughs.

“I’m no good at all by myself,” I would reply. “It’s the spirit of the Lord that flows through me that gives me worth.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathie Chute served as a Southern Baptist missionary for 14 years—first in Brazil, then in Asia and the Pacific. She and her husband are professors at Union University in Jackson, Tenn. and consider work with students their ministry.

Praise Him Anyway

2011-07-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Today, there's a part of me - a great big part of me - that wants to complain. I can see where God has made provision in order to deal with an issue in my life. But instead of staying "thanks" for that, I really want to know why he didn't just eradicate the issue so that my family wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

So today, I have a choice to make. I can rejoice in the blessings I have and the provision I see ahead. Or, I can grumble and complain because everything isn't exactly how I want it to be.

The Children of Israel faced the same dilemma over and over again. The entire journey out of Egypt and to the Promised Land is filled with their tug-of-war:

"Hallelujah! God has saved us!"

"Why did he bring us out to the desert to die? We'd be better off in Egypt, where they beat us bloody, but at least there was food."

"Yippee, God saved us! We'll never doubt again!"

"Hey, anybody else think it's weird that Moses is still gone? Let's build an idol!"

And so on. It's human nature to rejoice in the good times and doubt God when things head south. Which brings me back to my choice. Today, I am choosing to praise God anyway, even though there's a great, big, icky circumstance that has to be faced. I'd like to say I'm strong enough not to waver in my choice, but I know I'm not. So I'm holding on to something the Children of Israel sang in one of their better moments.

The LORD is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation;

He is my God, and I will praise Him;

My father’s God, and I will exalt Him!

Exodus 15:2, NLT

No matter what, he's my God. He's my salvation. I will exalt him. Like the sunflower in the picture above, battered by the wind and a little worse for wear, I'm going to raise my head and praise him.

No matter what.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/

The Power of "I Can't"

2011-07-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

We sometimes tend to think we know all we need to know to answer these kinds of questions--but sometimes our humble hearts can help us more than our proud minds. We never really know enough until we recognize that God alone knows it all.

(1 Corinthians 8:2-3, MSG)

Let's be honest. Our culture today worships the individual who succeeds. We hold up as our role models those who are tough, who fight through adversity and come out on the other side, those who know the most and do the most. It's an intimidating culture to marinate in.

We have been told almost from birth that any situation you face should be met with a "can do" spirit. "I Can" is verily tattooed to our birth certificates before we exit the hospital.

In schools, administrators busily design programs that foster "self-reliance" and "self-respect." They teach children to believe in themselves and work toward their goals.

I suppose from a worldly perspective that's about all we could ever hope for. After all, without God, who else are you going to rely on? There is a song that talks about no one is going to have your back when you fall. That's the juice we are all steeped in. We hear it in commercials and on the radio. We even hear it from each other.

"It's okay. You can do this. I know you can."

But here's the thing: None of this is Biblical. None of it is based on a relationship with God. It is all based in self, which ultimately is the very sin Adam and Eve got thrown out of the garden for committing.

So I invite you for a moment to take a good, hard look at these messages that sound so good and so right, and see them for what they are: lies of the Enemy.

That may sound harsh, but speaking as someone who practically gorged herself on this kind of thinking for 35 years, I can tell you that this way of thinking is not just sin--it is deadly. When you rely on yourself, what happens when you are weak? What happens when your doubt overtakes your faith? What happens when you're walking on water with a friend who really needs you, and you suddenly sense that you can't do this?

I've felt the panic that rises at this very thought. I have fought it. I have tried to shout it down with platitudes and positive thoughts, but the sad truth is, on my own I'm not capable of handling the depth of brokenness in this world. Sometimes I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I'm swimming and swimming, but I sense that at any moment I'm going under with no way to find up again.

That's often what happens when God puts you out into deep water with the emotional issues of others--family, friends, those we work with, our children, and spouses. There is a depth to the need that none of us can quite meet. No matter how much we want to. No matter how much we try. We simply can't because as humans we are limited. We have limited understanding, limited wisdom, limited patience, limited everything.

But here's a secret that Satan never wanted you to hear. When you think you can't, you're right. Now that doesn't give you license to give up. It is, instead, a call to stop trusting yourself and start trusting God.
Jesus is walking on that water with you, and He knows you can't. He never meant for you to.

I know, that's radically new thinking, but it's true. God knows you are human. He knows you don't have all of the answers. He doesn't expect you to. What He wants is for every one of these occasions of "I can't" panic to be cause for you to call out to Him, to ask Him into the situation, to reach for His help, His love, His strength, His wisdom, His peace. He wants nothing more than to come to your assistance, but you have to recognize your own need for Him and make the choice to ask.

There is power--God's power--waiting in the words "I can't" so long as they are followed by, "but He can." Rest in that power. Reach for that power. For He is always right there ready to do what you can't.

Author Lynne Gentry - How Real Life Challenges Fueled Her Debut Novel

2011-07-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

A big welcome to today's guest, pastor's wife and debut novelist Lynne Gentry!

Living in the parsonage is not for sissies. Everywhere the pastor’s wife turns, church members have their noses plastered against the glass walls of her life. This constant scrutiny threatened to do me in until I stumbled upon an important truth: If people can see in, I can see out.

Shifting my focus outward gave my struggles a whole new perspective. A hurting world waited for someone to touch them with the love of Christ right outside my window. For example, one year three women in our congregation lost their husbands. I watched as two of these women regrouped, rebuilt, and reinvented their lives. But one of the windows shriveled up and died in a nursing home. Observing their struggles caused me to ask, what would I do if tragedy struck me? Do I have the spiritual chops to pick myself up and start over? Could I trust God to lead me through a dark valley?

Fear that I would fail a similar spiritual test lingered in the back of my mind.

Then I attended a writer’s class that encouraged us to write about our deepest fears. I wanted to write something funny, and frankly, writing about something that scared me to death didn’t sound fun let alone funny. But God used this story, Reinventing Leona, to teach me to trust, and in the process He prepared me for a devastating turn of events that would either make or break me in 2009. Not the death of my husband, but something humiliating … the dismissal from the church we served.

I’m happy to say, I’m coming out of that deep grief a reinvented woman, one who daily rejoices in the faithfulness of God.

According to Ephesians 4:20-25 Christ gives us the power to daily slough off our old selves … the self mired in fear, mistakes, and regret … and become a creature remade in His glorious light.

The process is painful, but the results are worth every laborious step. Let God remake you. The rejoicing is sweet.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lynne Gentry knew marrying a preacher might change her plans. She didn’t know how ministry would change her life. This author of numerous short stories and dramatic works travels the country as a professional acting coach and inspirational speaker. Lynne lives in Dallas with her husband Lonnie and counts spending time with her two grown children and their families her greatest joy. You can find out more about Lynne and her writing at http://www.lynnegentry.com/

ABOUT THE BOOK - Reinventing Leona
Leona Harper loves being a pastor's wife. Her impressive resume touts thirty years of coaxing hot water from rusty parsonage plumbing, planning church potlucks, and standing beside her husband while members take potshots at his sermons. Except for the little tiff with her grown children, Leona feels her life is right on track with the wishes of the Almighty...until her husband drops dead in the pulpit.

When the church board decides to fill the Reverend's vacated position Leona is forced to find a paying job, mend her fractured family, and tackle her fears. With life spiraling out of control, Leona might find the church members antics comical if she weren't so completely panicked. Can the faith of an overwhelmed widow withstand the added heartache of two resentful children and several underhanded church members? If Leona can't trust God, how will she learn to trust herself?

As one of the five titles in the launch of Tyndale House's Digital First Initiative, Reinventing Leona is available exclusively as an ebook. You can purchase it through Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, ChristianBoook.com, Mobipocket, and iTunes.

Raising Healthy, Whole PKs Part II: Realistic Expectations

2011-07-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

In my last blog in my Parenting PKs series, I talked about making sure our walk and talk is the same in the pulpit, at Bible Study and at church as it is at home. Blog reader TiAnna raised a good question as to how to address when we have been a less than exemplar model in our walk. Being a Christian parent doesn’t require us to be perfect, which is great because none of us could achieve that. However, how we handle our sin and failures also can be a teaching moment for our children. This week, I want to discuss my second point in this series:

Don’t have different expectations of your children because of their father’s profession.

My husband and I agree: our kids should be kids. We do expect them to be respectful to us, to each other and others. They should also be obedient. But, that would be the same expectation if my husband were the UPS driver, mail carrier, or, a doctor. My sleepy, cranky, then-toddler daughter would not behave any different than anyone else’s sleepy cranky toddler, nor would I expect her to do so.

I also don’t expect my children to be at the church every time the doors open. Yes! They will participate in children and youth ministries of the church, but they will also have a life and friends outside of our church. As a pastor’s wife, church is certainly a major part of my life, but I have been intentional about cultivating interests, activities, and friends outside of my church. I believe this is equally important for my girls.

Interestingly, my soon-to-be-“Tween” has been in a season of expressing that she doesn’t want to do much nowadays—she doesn’t want to sing in the choir; she doesn’t want to go to children’s bible study; she doesn’t want to usher. It finally dawned on me to ask her why, especially since she has long enjoyed participating in church activities. Her answers were informative. She told me:

In children and youth Bible Study, the ages of 5-12 were together. That is a large developmental span, and she was bored. She said, “They are learning the books of the Bible. I already know that.”
In the children’s choir, “They don’t sing ‘real’ songs.” In other words, not real gospel songs on the radio—they are songs especially for children’s choirs.
Her feet hurt when she ushers.

My solution to hurt feet was “wear some comfortable shoes.” The other two issues were insightful regarding her lack of interest. To some degree, I understand this is part of the tween stage—too old for the younger children, but not a teenager, yet. This could be useful feedback for the children and youth ministry as our church grows and develops. So, what is a mother to do? Allow her to make the choice not to sing or go to Bible Study? Not at all. She will do both as we are called to serve outside of the church, but also inside as well. But, at least now that I understand her non-interest, I can demonstrate that I heard her issue and affirm her observation as I send her to the choir stand. It’s the same choice I would make if she were not the pastor’s daughter. Kids need to be heard, but they also need guidance. Since her life, activities and friends are more than our church now, hopefully that balances out this season of non-interest. In my next post, I will talk about how we should handle expectations imposed by others.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shauntae Brown White is an associate professor in the Department of English and Mass Communication at North Carolina Central University. She is married to the Rev. Dr. Harry L. White, Jr., pastor of the Watts Chapel Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC.

First comes love

2011-07-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

by Niki Turner

This will be my first official post at TPWS as a former pastor's wife.

After thirteen years of ministry, my husband officially passed the leadership baton two weeks ago. Yes, crazy as it sounds, we'll still attend the same church. The couple we handed the pastoral duties to are very good friends who helped us plant the church back in 1998. We're thrilled to be able to turn over our "baby" to a couple we trust, who know our hearts, and who have a vision to reach the lost.

We're also thrilled to relinquish the responsibility, the obligations, and the social expectations that

fall upon ministers. It's funny, suddenly the idea of inviting someone to church seems incredibly easy, now that I'm not inviting them to hear MY husband!

So I'm not a pastor's wife anymore, but I'm still a wife, and that brings me to the subject of today's Marriage Monday post.

Remember the teasing rhyme from grammar school:

So-and-so and so-and-so,
Sittin' in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in a baby carriage.

That childish rhyme describes a general progression of where we put our attention and effort in our relationships. First, we fall in love ... pitter-patter goes my heart and all that. Love naturally (in God's view, anyway) leads to marriage.

photo by Patrick Q

via PhotoRee

After the wedding, we turn our focus to marriage, to being married and what it means to be a good wife or a good husband. Right from the first card addressed to Mr. and Mrs. _______________ our identity changes, our expectations for ourselves and for the man we married change, sometimes drastically. I went from being a house slob to being a neat freak. Suddenly, I was compelled by some inner urgency to cook dinner every night!

Then comes baby, sooner or later. Yet another huge shift in our identity occurs when we enter parenthood, as well as a shift in how and where we focus our attention. Babies and children - even grown children - demand our time and our energy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In the days when I had three toddlers at home, my husband (who got to "escape" to work everyday) didn't understand why I was so exhausted when he came home, or why I didn't have any affection or attention leftover for him.

It's not uncommon for wives to complain that hubby was romantic and sweet and considerate until the ink dried on the marriage license. It's not uncommon for husbands to complain that they don't get any attention after the children come into the household. It's also not uncommon for couples who are committed to marriage and family to have their children go away to college or to a job and the couple finds themselves staring at each other across the breakfast table, wondering who this person is and what on earth they are doing together.

What happens? We let marriage trump love and babies trump marriage. We forget what always has to come first ... love.

Are you "in love" with your husband?

If the answer is not an immediate "yes," it's entirely possible you've laid aside what came first, allowing marriage and parenthood to trump love, and that's not good. It's time to take a refresher course in Spouse 101.

No, it doesn't require expensive dates or even hiring a sitter. It requires you to engage your brain and stir up all those reasons you fell in love with that man. The feelings, the attraction, the appeal, that led to the K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the first place.

via PhotoRee

photo by Jeff the Trojan

Even if everything is great and grand (which we hope and pray that it is!) taking a few moments to remember who you fell in love with and why you fell in love with him is a valuable investment to make in your relationship. That "falling in love" feeling is the stuff of romance novels. It drives songs to the No.1 spot on the music charts and turns movies into box office hits.

You, blessed one, have already experienced it firsthand. Don't let that experience dry into dust and be blown away by the winds of circumstance. Nourish and cherish those feelings of love and watch them grow. Remember, first comes love!

Talking to Mountains

2011-07-10T01:27:00.000-07:00

I have a new favorite preacher. He comes on on Sunday morning when I'm getting ready for church. I can get more out of listening to him for three minutes than I get out of most in 30. I'm constantly going, "Man, that's good. I've got to write that down!"

One of the latest revelations from one of his sermons was this: In the verse, "If you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Be thou removed and be cast into the sea,' and it would obey you..." Listen to that! God says we can talk to mountains and command them to move. I've heard this verse many times before, but when Dr. Simpson said, "Understand, in this situation, somebody is talking to somebody," I stopped like slamming on the brakes. "You see, either you are talking TO the mountain, or the mountain will be talking to YOU, but somebody will be doing some talking!"

I'd never thought about it quite like that before, but think for a minute about the attributes of a "mountain." It's BIG for one. Also, we don't normally think of mountains as being on wheels--i.e. they are tough if not impossible to move. Finally, mountains are just "there." They don't seem capable of listening or even caring what we think. They simply stare down at us, proving our smallness to all the world.

Dr. Simpson went on to this effect: You have your own mountains, and you hear them talking. Maybe it's in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. They are talking--telling you that you can't handle this, you are not strong enough to cope with this, that THIS is something you can't ever fix or find a solution for. That mountain continually taunts you to believe in your smallness. In short it says, "This is too big for you."

Oh, it's a mountain all right.

I don't know what your mountain is. It might be a financial mountain of debt. It might be a mountain of health problems or social problems. Your family might be your mountain or your lack of faith. Your mountain might be going back to school or deciding to stay home and raise your kids. It might be a friend or former friend. It might be someone who's hurt you terribly. It might even be a dream you thought you had to have but is now slipping from your grasp.

Or maybe it's another kind of mountain--drugs or alcohol, a habit you simply cannot break, a love you can't let go of even though you know it's killing you. Maybe your mountain is your spouse or your children. Maybe it's yourself.

Whatever your mountain is, I'm quite sure you know its voice well. "You can't..." "What's wrong with you..." "Why does this work out for everyone else but never for me..." "Why me...?" "This isn't fair..." "It's just not right..." "If only..."

You've heard your mountain's voice. There's almost no doubt about that. In fact, you may know it by heart. The question is: Has that mountain heard YOUR voice, or even better GOD'S voice?

In order to talk to your mountain, you need some words from The Word--yes, that means The Bible, but it also means The Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. In other words, you need to start hearing the words of Jesus, spoken into your life on a continual basis, so you will learn how to TELL that mountain to move!

"Mountain, you do not control me because although compared with me, you may be big, compared with my GOD, you are nothing but a grain of dust. Understand me. I am now giving you to my God (that's the having the faith of a mustard seed part--not trying to deal with this on your own, but learning to give those mountains in your life over to God and His wisdom). I am putting you in God's hands. I am trusting in God's love for me more than in the illusion of your power over me. God, please break the illusion of power that this mountain tries to exert in my life. Set me free..."

Talk to that mountain. Talk TO that mountain.

And it will be cast into the sea.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

On a WHIM: A Word Fitly Spoken

2011-07-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

A pastor's wife named Jan shared with me an excellent illustration. She suggested I take a tube of toothpaste, and squeeze out all of the toothpaste. Then, she asked me to try to put the toothpaste back into the tube. No matter how I stuffed and crammed and coerced the paste, it was almost impossible to fill the tube back up. Then she said this is just like our words, they might come out of our mouth effortlessly, but trying to get them back is futile. What an illustration!

Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Then I read in the New Testament, Colossians 4:6 "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

It is constantly a challenge to keep my words in check. I know they can cause more damage than my fists. The childhood saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is just not true. Words hurt. Words destroy. But, the right words can encourage and bless. My desire is to know my words are pleasing to God and helpful to mankind.

One way I can ensure my words are fitly spoken is to make sure my heart is right. Matthew 15:18 says, "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart;" Hebrews tells me that the Word of God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of my heart. So, I must go to the Bible to prepare my heart in order to know that I have no regrets when I speak.

I have not attained victory in this area, but I have seen progress. If my words are like a feather pillow, I want to have the assurance that when that pillow is emptied into the wind, I have no fear as to wear those feathers will float and land. Much better to have that peace of mind, than to imagine me scrambling to pick up the feathers before someone else picks them up. By then, the damage is done.

Want to have words that help rather than words that hurt? Start with the heart!

Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter

Kathy's known for her practical and humorous messages full of hope and insight. Kathy enjoys fiddling with words as: writer, publicist and writer’s coach at Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. She serves on faculty with CLASSeminars, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and others. Kathy shines, whether she’s shining the light on God’s writers and speakers, or reflecting God’s light during her programs. She served in full-time local church ministry with her husband for over twenty-five years.

KATHY CARLTON WILLIS
Kathy Carlton Willis gets jazzed speaking cross-country for women’s events and writers’ conferences.

PERSONAL BLOG: http://imlivingoutloud.blogspot.com

PROFESSIONAL BLOG: http://kcwcomm.blogspot.com/

WEB: http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Kathy speaks on a variety of subjects. Request a brochure like this one: http://bit.ly/b7KOXa

Do Pastors and Their Wives Fight?

2011-07-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

The Brouhaha Twins

When we got married over thirty years ago, we were stupid. We both thought the other was faultless. Then we went on our honeymoon and got in our first fight. Seems we had differing opinions on how to rehearse a song (can you believe we practiced singing on our honeymoon? I told you we were stupid!). Since then it’s been one brouhaha after another.

In fact, “brouhaha” has become one of our favorite words. According to some overweight book we have, it means “to dramatize; to throw a conniption fit over things inconsequential,” or something like that. If I could find the book, I’d quote it verbatim, but I’ll save the topic of clutter for a future article.

We do not plan our brouhahas; they sneak up like a ‘taxes due’ reminder. We’ve gotten upset over spaghetti sauce that someone thought was too thick, how close to have the oven rack while broiling chicken, and the proper way to rake leaves.

You can see what important issues we argue about: politics, spiritual matters and the economy rarely merit a brouhaha. But, spaghetti sauce and chicken chests…

It took me six weeks to discover why this is happening: we are studying ‘How to live in Peace’ in our ladies’ Sunday School class. I have a feeling I’m not getting the highest grade in the class. And I’m the teacher.

Have you noticed that you will be tested in whatever area of spiritual growth you’re focusing on?
Yes, it’s painful to see that pride. But if we don’t, it continues to hide, keeping us from the intimacy with God we long for. When we acknowledge our immaturity, He sets us free by His gracious Holy Spirit.
Say, would you like to come over for some spaghetti this weekend? We will be making two kinds of sauce…

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A spunky, sometimes reluctant pastor’s wife of thirty-six years, Jeanette Levellie has published articles, greeting card verses, stories and calendar poems. She authors a bi-weekly humor/inspirational column in her local newspaper, and enjoys speaking to church and civic groups, offering hope and humor in every message. She is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to several cats. Find her blog, On Wings of Mirth and Worth, at http://jeanettelevellie.blogspot.com/

Thank God for our Freedom

2011-07-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

PROCLAIM LIBERTY THROUGHOUT ALL THE LAND

UNTO ALL THE INHABITANTS THEREOF

Leviticus 25:10

Inscribed on the Liberty Bell

May you be blessed this Independence Day!

Step Outside

2011-07-03T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today's post is from new contributor, Staci Stallings.

It’s truly amazing to me how God puts certain understandings in my path. I think I see clearly what He’s doing, what He’s done, and then click a new piece falls in and “Wow!”

Sometimes, there just is no other word for it.

In a sermon today, Dr. Lee A. Simpson related the story of Abram. This was a man who God had given a promise to. God’s promise was that Abram would be the father of many nations, but as Abram got older, he looked around, and this thing that God had promised just was not happening. And Abram began to question God and question the promise. It began to look to Abram like God just didn’t know or understand how things worked down here on Earth.

So Abram went into his tent, and he started praying and explaining to God that youth had passed him by. He was no longer a young man. In fact, he was old, and so was his wife, and this whole father of nations business was just not happening the way Abram had thought it would when God promised him this.
How many of you have been there? I know I have. “God, I thought You were going to use my writing to touch other people’s lives. What’s up with that? I feel like I sit here and I do all of this stuff, and what’s it even doing? Is it helping anybody? Because frankly I don’t see it. I don’t see Your plan. I don’t see You in this like I thought I would.”

Then (I love this), God said two words to Abram. “Step outside.”

You see, Abram was in his tent, he was in his own little world. In that tent he was safe. He probably had his bowl right by his favorite mat—you know like that glass you have right by your favorite chair. He probably had all of his little knick-knacks just so and his schedule down pat. And then God came and said, “Step outside.”

God tells all of us, "Step outside YOUR comfort zone. Step outside YOUR plans. Step outside what YOU think is possible, and when you do, you will step into MY world."

As Abram came out of that tent of his own limited experiences, his own limited vision, his own limited perspective, he saw the stars above him, and God said, “Count them.”

Understand, Abram had been used to praying in his tent. What had he been counting there? Tent wires? He didn’t think about what was outside because from inside his tent, he couldn't see outside. So the stars outside that tent were amazing to behold. “Lord, if I could count them, they would number as the stars.”
The lesson then went on that God wanted Abram not to just count the stars that he could see but those that he couldn't see as well. The truth is there are so many more stars than even the ones we can see. As Dr. Simpson says, “Count the stars you can see, and the ones you can only imagine…”

Ah, that’s beautiful. Count the stars you can only imagine.

So my question to you is, are you inside that tent? Are you comfortable where you are in the knowledge that you have, or are you ready to come when God calls you to step outside?

When you do, I challenge you to count the stars—your blessings, those things God has put into your life to bring His light and His love to a darkened world through you. And then, breathe, and begin to also count the stars that you cannot see.

Step outside… You will be amazed!

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

New Stuff for a New Blog Year

2011-07-01T00:03:00.000-07:00

Happy July, ladies! In case you didn't notice, June was a particularly light posting time here on the old blog. Summer busyness caught up with many of us, but we've got it all worked out.

Rather than trying to have posts every day (which hardly ever works) we will have posts on Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays and Sundays, with the occasional author guest post on Thursdays. I think this new schedule will work well for the priceless women who write and share their hearts, as well as all you beautiful readers.

Many thanks to everyone who sent in suggestions on how to make the blog better. As promised, one lucky gal gets to win a prize. And she is... mommagracejonesthoughts! Grace, please email me at jallee725[at]hotmail[dot]com and I'll send you a list of super-cool books to choose from.

And speaking of giving things away... our birthday is coming up. Hard to believe, but this blog went live on August 9, 2010. The first post was Niki Turner's Forks, Dinglehoppers, and Pastor's Wives. (If you haven't read it, check it out.) I think that deserves a celebration, don't you? At the end of July, the party begins. There will be special posts and giveaways. Stay tuned for more details!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer AlLee is an author, former church secretary, and founder of The Pastor's Wife Speaks. You can find out more about her and her writing at http://www.jenniferallee.com/

Raising Healthy, Whole PKs Part I: Walking the Walk

2011-06-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were married four years before we began our family. Before we had our first child, I often considered the question how one raises healthy, whole PKs (preacher’s kid). Of course, there is the stereotype that the preacher and deacon’s kids are the worst behaved. We can all think of examples in which that stereotype is true but, there are just as many examples of PKs that are well-behaved and respectful to others. I don’t think the goal is to have perfect children, but I do want to raise my girls to love the Lord, have a healthy sense of self, know their identities in Christ, and treat others with respect.

My girls are young. While my daughters are far from finished products, here are my thoughts, thus far, on the parenthood journey. In this three-part blog post series, I am going to address three things that I believe are important to consider in raising healthy, whole PKs: (1) Make sure there is consistency in what your children see on Sunday and what they see in the home every day. (2) Don’t have different expectations of behavior or levels of involvement in the church just because of their father’s (or your) profession. (3) Don’t allow other people to impose their expectations on your children. The first blog post will deal with consistency in our behavior.

Make sure there is consistency in what your children see on Sunday and what they see at home every day.

It is my greatest hope that our girls see Christ in me and their father on a regular basis. By no means does that mean either of us is perfect. My husband can be very impatient, and I can be very controlling. But, hopefully, my girls see an example of a loving relationship between us. More often than not, we talk to each other with respect, show kindness to one another, and look out for one another. After that, we demonstrate the same relationship with our girls. Often, many Christians can get comfortable with the fact that we don’t commit “big” sins: I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, commit adultery, gamble, and the like. However, how we treat other people tells a story about our witness, as well.

Do your children hear you gossip about other people? Talk poorly about church people, or other family members?

How do you handle conflict or disagreement with your spouse, with your children, with the church, with others?

Do your children see you demonstrating compassion to other people?

How do talk to your spouse? Have your children seen you be snide, sarcastic, disrespectful or emasculating to your husband?

How do your children hear you talk to other people? The sales clerk who gave you poor service? The person who took your parking space?

These are but a few ways we can exhibit Christ in our interpersonal relationships. One of the foundations to raising healthy PKs is to make sure our walk matches our talk. There are lots of other ways we can be a poor or great witness for Christ. Our children are watching. Which are you?